5 Signs that You Are Losing Yourself While Loving Your Man

BY: - 7 Apr '17 | Marriage

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I wouldn’t call myself a hopeless romantic, but I surely believe in true love. I believe there is someone out there for everyone, and that when you meet the right person it has the potential to last a lifetime.

What I don’t believe in is loving someone so much you start to lose sight of who you are or who you want to be. I think that’s crap. You shouldn’t ever lose yourself in the name of love. It’s a toxic and dangerous path.

Love should be based on awareness and acceptance. This doesn’t mean you are perfect, but it means that your partner is aware of who you are and has made a decision to love and accept you as you are. That’s what real love is.

But when you start losing yourself and you insist you are just loving on your man, you are truly misguided.

Have you ever seen the movie, Jerry McGuire?

I’ve seen it a few times. It’s a good film. But I hate that infamous line, “you complete me.” Umm… excuse me sir, but I was complete when we met. I don’t need to be completed. I’ll take some love, acceptance, and respect instead… thank you very much.

If you are in a relationship with someone you care for and you are wondering if you are losing sight of who you are, here are a few signs to look out for.

  1. You have stopped hanging with all your friends because you want to spend all your free time with your man. I think spending time with your man is important. Life is busy and it’s so easy to put the things that matter on the back burner. But please don’t become that woman who neglects all of her friendships because she has a man now. That is whack. Sure, you may not be able to hang as much as you did when you were single, but nourishing true friendships is something you always need to make time for. Your real friends help you stay in touch with who you really are.
  2. You always go along with whatever he wants to do so you can keep the peace. If you have to do what he wants to do just to keep the peace, that’s a problem. Sure, relationships involve lots of compromising, but compromising is different than consistently neglecting your desires just to keep someone else happy. What about your happiness?
  3. You’ve put all your dreams aside because he’s convinced you that his matter more. Your dreams matter. They should always matter to you and they should certainly matter to anyone who loves you. Even if your man doesn’t understand your dream or vision, he should definitely support it and care about your desire to pursue it. If you neglect your dreams for your man, you lose a part of yourself.
  4. You never speak up about your wants and needs. You have to be able to articulate what you want and need from your man.  And when you don’t, it’s like declaring that your needs don’t matter. But they do. You have to believe that. If you think your man’s needs and wants matter more than yours, you are misguided and need to get back to loving yourself.
  5. You are constantly seeking his approval. If you are in a grown relationship, you really should not be walking around seeking approval. If you are, you’ve completely lost sight of what makes you worthy of love and happiness. When you gain clarity about who you are and what you bring to the table, you don’t walk around seeking approval because you approve of yourself.

BMWK ladies, have your ever felt like you are losing yourself in the name of love?

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 496 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. To work with her, visit her at martineforeman.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.

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5 Vacation Rules for Couples – Use Them If You Want to Have Fun Together

BY: - 10 Apr '17 | Marriage

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I have traveled alone for years…which I highly recommend you try to do at least once in life.) I’ve also traveled with friends, in groups, with family, and with my boyfriend (now husband) and each type of travel experience has its challenges and benefits.  However, the one that is often the most delicate is traveling with your spouse or significant other.

Many couples go into their travel plans with the best of intentions…but they find themselves in arguments, feeling tense and frustrated.  And they don’t end up enjoying themselves as much as they could; which of course nearly defeats the purpose of taking the trip in the first place.

Here are some tips based on my own travel experiences and those of my well-traveled and married (or in a serious committed relationship) friends that can help you put your “issues” aside and simply enjoy each other and the experience.

5 Vacation Rules for Couples

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Rule #1: Plan the Trip Together

Rule number one, never go on a trip that you both don’t cosign.  Right from the gate, you will be dealing with direct resentment or passive-aggressive resentment (albeit in some cases sub-consciously) from the person whose trip idea wasn’t chosen.

A suggestion I have in terms of picking a trip you both want to take is that you each write down a list of 10 destinations you are interested in, then see if you have any destinations in common.  If you do jackpot! If you don’t, find a place that has the greatest number of options available that will keep you both happy and fulfilled.

Or, one of my favorite thing to do is to pick a destination at random, throw a dart at a map, or close your eyes and spin a globe and see where your finger lands.  The bottom line is you need to go somewhere that you both want to go to.

Rule #2: Vow Not to Bring “Baggage” With You

I don’t mean this in the literal sense. Of course you need to bring luggage.  What I mean is don’t bring “baggage”.  Don’t bring work, stress, worries about the kids, bills, or anything else with you.

Come with the intention of focusing on and spending time with each other.  Make a pact to keep your cell phones off and only turn them on when you want to check in on the kids or some other equally important reason.  But other than that, turn em off.

Leave your problems on the shelf and use this time to release, relax, recharge, and reconnect, so that you when you return to “reality” you are stronger team and can tackle whatever issues you may have together.

Rule #3: Take Time for Yourself

As counterintuitive as it sounds, making time for yourself while you’re on vacation with your spouse can actually make the time spent together much sweeter.  For example, on one trip I took with the hubby to Jamaica, I went to the spa and got the full treatment while he went charter fishing.

That night was especially fun because we both got to do what we wanted to do during the day and felt satisfied and in a place where we could just focus on one another.  I felt like a million bucks and he was happy he got to do what he loved on his terms, which meant we were able to concentrate only on each over dinner and into the evening.

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Rule #4: Do Things Together

In contrast to my last point, do things together.  On a trip we took to Thailand, we got a couples massage and spa treatment, went river fishing (clearly you can see a trend to our travels — going to the spa and fishing are two of our favorite things. We rode an elephant together, went to a snake farm and had a boa constrictor wrap itself around our legs to see how tight it could squeeze.  We ate out every night, went parasailing, did sightseeing,  and chilled on the beach, among other activities.  The idea is when you are traveling together do things together and engage actively with one another.

Rule #5: Be Flexible

One of the biggest argument starters in any relationship, whether you’re on vacation or at home, is inflexibility.  One person wants to have things their way, or is only willing to do things they want to do, as opposed to compromising and giving a little to get a little.

In a vacation situation where much is left to chance and outside of your control (or even on cruises where literally everything is planned down to the minute), flexibility is key.  Be willing to do what your partner wants to do and expect that they are willing to do the same for you.

The key to it all is to be flexible and have fun!

When we took a trip to Egypt, we decided that we would take turns planning our daily activities. I would take Monday, he took Tuesday, and on and on throughout the week.  It made for an interesting and fun trip because we ended up doing things that we otherwise wouldn’t have if only one of us had taken the lead on trip planning or one of us had been inflexible and unwilling to go along with the plan.  The key to it all is to be flexible and have fun!

Travel in any form can be a challenge without preparation and flexibility, but when you travel as a couple these tips can truly help make your trip the most enjoyable it can keep.  Happy Travels!

About the author

Lia Miller wrote 23 articles on this blog.

Lia Miller is an every woman, in that she does and is interested in a lot of things. Lia is a wife and mother, ambitious/career focused individual, writer and award winning blogger, do-it-yourself loc’d naturalista, foodie, avid reader, movie buff, sports enthusiast, passionate about music, dance, and the arts, news junkie, advocate for the underdog/under-represented, with an incurable bug for traveling and exploring the world. Lia is also a clinical social worker with a concentration in children, relationships, and family dynamics. Lia’s focus is to find and share how to get the best out of life by living fully, loving hard, and always learning.

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