How to Pray When Your Marriage Feels Hopeless

BY: - 6 Apr '17 | Faith

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By Tiya Cunningham-Sumter,

If you feel like your relationship is beyond the point of help, and the conflict has just demolished the communication, the trust and every other part of your relationship, you must pray. Prayer should never be the last resort; it should actually be ongoing in every situation.

However, when you feel you’ve given your relationship everything you have, you’ve been committed, you’ve communicated, shared, been vulnerable, and have been a great listener, it might be time to sit still.



In that stillness, ask God to move in you and to reveal to you what your next action step needs to be.

Pray for your relationship and, specifically, how to properly handle marital discord. You weren’t drawn to each other only for your marriage to suffer.

You deserve happiness and peace in your marriage. You also have to be willing to work for it.

It will require love, commitment, and self- sacrifice. You have to be willing to do what is necessary to experience a marriage filled with the same peace for which you prayed.

When I take an honest assessment of my motives and actions towards my husband, I sometimes have to check myself. If they don’t align with the peace we both want, I have to rethink my words and approach the situation from a different angle. One of my favorite scriptures, and the one that immediately takes me back to remembering my original goal, is the following:

“Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.” Romans 14:19

Find a scripture that speaks to your specific marriage, one that brings about a healing just upon hearing it. Please remember to also take your spouse by the hands and pray together. There is no greater bond than a couple who can pray together, even in the midst of trial.

Remember conflicts arise when two individuals are unable to see eye-to-eye on a certain situation. They aren’t the end of the world, and are actually quite normal. You will experience them in your marriage; you’re human.

Click Here to Download: A Scripture a Day: 31 Scriptures to Protect Your Marriage

The one takeaway is to allow the love you and your spouse share to trump the anger and the egos, which have no place in your relationship.

In everything you do and say, love should always be present. It should be obvious in your tone of speech, the words you say, and your ability to forgive when you feel you’ve been wronged. Your marriage, just like any other, is worthy of all the peace and joy it can hold.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit and

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9 Scriptures that Keep You From Harming Your Spouse with Your Words

BY: - 13 Apr '17 | Faith

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Sometimes you need to give your spouse the silent treatment. I know this sounds weird and contradictory, so let me explain. I’m talking about speaking life. And when you can’t speak life, that’s the time to use the silent treatment.

My mom (and maybe your mom too) used to say, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” Well that saying still holds true today and especially in your marriage where we are supposed to be on the same team.

Like apples of gold in settings of silver Is a word spoken at the right time. Proverbs 25:11 (AMP)

Our words contain so much power. We have the power to heal or hurt, bless or curse with our words. The words we speak over our marriage and over our spouse have a lot to do with our success or failure in the marriage relationship.

So here are 3 situations where it’s okay to take a step back until you get your words together.


1. When you’re nagging and using contentious speech

Scripture says a lot about nagging and contentious speech. It’s talking about being disagreeable and argumentative. Everything becomes a battle of trying to prove a point versus reaching an outcome that is best for the marriage. Some people enjoy arguing. They get pleasure out of going back and forth. The better thing to do in marriage is to say what you mean and let it go. If a subject must be addressed again set a family meeting. Scripture:

  1. Proverbs 10:8 -The wise person accepts commands, but the chattering fool will be brought down.
  2. Proverbs 27:15 – A continual dripping on a rainy day and a contentious wife are alike.
  3. Proverbs 21:9 – It’s better to live in a corner on the roof than to share a house with a contentious woman.

2. When you’re gossiping

This is a definition I learned – gossip: spreading intimate or private rumors or facts. Even if it’s a fact, if it’s intimate or private it should not be spread. When you know something about your spouse it gives you power. They have become vulnerable to you. That’s love. Love requires vulnerability. That vulnerability must be guarded and respected. Sharing intimate facts about your marriage with others violates that vulnerability. Thereby violating your love. Share the intimacies of your relationship only when seeking help and be sure to seek help from someone who is qualified. Scripture:

  1. Ephesians 4:29 (ISV) – Let no filthy talk be heard from your mouths, but only what is good for building up people and meeting the need of the moment. This way you will administer grace to those who hear you.
  2. James 1:26 (ISV) – If anyone thinks that he is religious and does not bridle his tongue, but instead deceives himself, his religion is worthless.
  3. Proverbs 11:13 (ISV) – Whoever spreads gossip betrays secrets, but the trustworthy person keeps a confidence.

3. When it’s the wrong time

Most of us have heard it said that timing is everything. A word spoken to your mate at the right time can be so positively powerful. Yet the same word spoken at the wrong time can tear down years of work. You know you mate better than anyone else. Use what you know to determine proper timing. If it’s not the right time, he’s where you invoke the silent treatment. Stay quiet on the matter until the time is right. One of my favorite scripture versions is Proverbs 25:11 it reads like this: “Like apples of gold in settings of silver Is a word spoken at the right time.” Can you imagine your words being like gold in setting of silver? Wow, now that’s precious, rare, and set apart as special. Scripture:

  1. Psalm 1:3 (ISV) – He will be like a tree planted by streams of water, yielding its fruit in its season, and whose leaf does not wither. He will prosper in everything he does.
  2. Ecclesiastes 3:7 (ISV) – a time to tear, and a time to mend; a time to be silent, and a time to speak;
  3. Proverbs 25:11 (AMP) – Like apples of gold in settings of silver
    Is a word spoken at the right time.

Reverting to the silent treatment is a safeguard not a punishment when done with a heart of love and a diligence to search out the proper words that will heal, bring hope, and joy to your marriage relationship.

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About the author

Deborah L. Mills wrote 186 articles on this blog.

Coach, AUTHOR, Speaker, WIFE, Mom, and GRANDMOTHER. That's the gist of who I am. I love people and love to see their life and relationships thrive. As a coach I am ready to support your dream when you don't feel like it. As an author and speaker I am ready to pour into your life so that you can live your best life now. I am a personal and executive coach. Together with my husband I also marriage coach. GO TO MY WEBSITE. THERE IS A FREE GIFT THERE WAITING FOR YOU.


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