5 Ways to Get Out of Your Dating Dry Spell

BY: - 12 Apr '17 | Relationships

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According to Neil Clark Warren, the founder of the dating site eHarmony, over 50% of all singles in America have not had a date in more than two years. Based on my work as a dating coach, I’ve discovered that many singles aren’t actively dating because they don’t want to appear desperate or “thirsty.” But when you go years without so much as a coffee date, you’re the one causing your thirst for love!

I want to help you break your dating dry spell and get back in the game with confidence. Use these 5 proven ways to meet new people today:

Ask your friends and family to play matchmaker

Reach out to your network, and ask someone you trust to introduce you to someone they think would be a good fit for you. It’s an easy, low-pressure way to get back in the dating scene. In fact, a study from the University of Chicago reported that people were twice as likely to get a date through friends and family than through the club scene.

To get started, write a list of your top 100 friends and family and tell them: “Can you help me? I’m ready to meet someone special and I’d rather go out with someone I know you think is good for me. Who do you know?”

Be sure to specifically describe the kind of person you’d prefer to meet so you don’t end up on a blind date with somebody who’s been living in their mama’s basement for 20 years, and she’s ready to marry him off!

Change up your regular routine so you have opportunities to meet more people

Home, work, church, home, grocery store, home.

Repeat.

Does that look like your typical work week?

If so, you’re stuck in a rut and the chances that you’ll bump into someone special is slim to none. One of my clients took my advice to heart. She was 45 and hadn’t had a date in 5 years before working with me.

After she complained that she never sees any great guys to talk to, I asked her to describe in detail what her entire week looked like. Turns out she spent most of her time commuting to work, grocery shopping in a neighborhood where there were mostly families, and visiting her mother on the weekends. We looked for ways where she could shake things up and create opportunities to meet men everywhere she went.

One of the things she decided to do was stop using the Full Service gas station and go to a self-service station. That very day, a handsome man flirted with her while they pumped gas!

You’ve got to do something different if you want to meet someone different.

Get out of the house on the weekends

Don’t waste your weekends on your couch, eating Godiva ice cream and catching up on Greenleaf episodes! Create wow experiences that not only cause you to love your life, but also allow you to meet new people. Don’t go out expecting to bump into your future spouse; instead, find a meet-up of people who share a common interest and go have fun! Happy people are attractive, so do something that brings you joy.

Position yourself to be found online

Dating apps are like having access to a 24/7 singles-only party at your fingertips. Spend a little time researching the culture of some of the sites before you join…. because some of them feel more like the club, while others are like meeting someone in the library.  You want to make sure that the people on these sites align with what you want in a partner.

READ: 3 Ways to Juice Up Your Online Dating Profile Without Lying

I highly recommend online dating, because when you do it correctly, you can quickly meet quality men, and you can control the amount of time you spend on dating. Instead of running around town, trying to figure out where all the quality men hang out, or waiting for the man of your dreams to walk through the doors of Starbucks, you could connect with the person of your dreams by simply sending a message into their inbox.

Slide into someone’s DM on social media

Speaking of inboxes, don’t sleep on social media! If you’re the confident type, go ahead and shoot your shot by sliding into someone’s DMs online. What this basically means is that you initiate conversation with that cute guy you saw on Facebook by saying “hello.”

But before you do, check out his timeline to make sure he isn’t already married or in a relationship. And keep your first message simple. Just say hello, give a compliment about something specific you saw on his timeline, and wait to see if a conversation develops.

You could also check to see if you have a mutual friend and ask that person to introduce you to your Facebook crush.

There’s an inertia to being single: The longer you go without dating, the easier it is to just not be bothered. To create momentum and end your dating drought, you have to make the decision to just get started. And before you know it, you’ll be a dating machine!

BMWK, which tip will you try to start meeting new people? I’d love to coach you through it, so ask me your questions below. 

 

About the author

Aesha Adams Roberts wrote 156 articles on this blog.

Dr. Aesha is a matchmaker, dating coach, speaker and author of the book, Can I Help A Sister Out: How To Meet & Marry The Man of Your Dreams. After years of making painful dating mistakes, she met & married her husband in 11 short months and has made it her mission to help women and men find and keep the love of their lives.

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4 Reasons Husbands Need to Take Better Care of Themselves

BY: - 13 Apr '17 | inspiration

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I recently told my wife that I think I want to retire from being an adult! I must admit that sometimes the pressures of life can begin to weigh on you heavy. As a man, this idea of protecting and providing is a heavy load to carry and sometimes we feel that we can’t ever show any signs of wearing down.

Trying to be the best at a job, the best at a business, the best in organizations, the best father, and the best husband can sometimes cause us to neglect our own health and wellness. Oh and let’s not even start talking about the pressure of trying to be a “good black man” (I’ll save that for another blog).

Most often, when you hear about this idea of self-care it’s usually always directed at women. Now don’t get me wrong, self-care is important for women, as well, as they have many of the same stressors (if not more.)

However, I want to give men permission to participate in some self-care as well. Here are a few reasons men need to take care of themselves too!

For Longevity

The better we can be at managing stress and staying in good physical health we increase the chances of living longer and leading healthier lives. The average life expectancy for black men is about 72 years (old which is still less than other races of men). There are multiple reasons that could be attributed to it but I do know that good self-care could help with the issue. If we want to be around longer for our kids and wives and families, then we must do things to better take care of ourselves.

For better mental health

The better mental space you can be in, the better you will show up for your family and at work. If you are consistently stressed, you probably aren’t thinking clearly. Furthermore, stress can cause you to breakdown or become easily agitated. Many times, that stress can cause us to have short tempers and to lash out or even become depressed. Take care of your mental health so that you can be your best self!

For peace of mind

No one likes to be around someone who is always agitated and who has a short fuse. If you are always snapping at your wife or children or if you always look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, you will become bitter and resentful. Suddenly the fun and lively man you used to be becomes the boring and bitter man that no one likes to see coming. Kinda like the crotchety old man you see the grandkids running from. HA!

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For providing a better example

We all know that our children are always watching us, no matter the age. It’s okay to instill a good work ethic in them and responsibility and all those great things, but what are you teaching them about self-care and taking care of themselves? Are you leading by example and helping them to understand they can’t be great to anyone else until they are great to themselves? Our example is so important so be conscious of the messages you are sending out!

Don’t put the weight of the world on your shoulders…especially if you aren’t going to at least make sure you are conditioning yourself to carry the load.

Here are a few things men can do for self-care:

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  • Meditation
  • Yoga
  • Physical activity
  • Massages
  • Regular doctors’ visits
  • “Me time” and alone time
  • Pursue hobbies
  • Improve your diet and drink plenty of water
  • Talk it out and express yourself
  • Have lots of SEX with your spouse

These are just a few things we can do as men. But at the end of the day, just do something to better take care of yourself. Don’t put the weight of the world on your shoulders…especially if you aren’t going to at least make sure you are conditioning yourself to carry the load. Take care men—literally!

About the author

Troy Spry wrote 225 articles on this blog.

Troy Spry a Certified Life, Dating, and Relationship Coach and the one and only "Reality Expert", resides in Charlotte, NC. He created his blog, Xklusive Thoughts, with the intent of putting out a very realistic perspective and using it as a vehicle for inspiration! He hopes to challenge people to think differently and inspire people to do and be better in relationships and in life!

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