3 Things You Need to Do if You Want Your Marriage to Have a Fighting Chance

BY: - 30 May '17 | Marriage

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Sometimes, my husband gets on my last nerve. I don’t care how wonderful I think he is (and he is wonderful), he is human. He has the capacity to work my nerves. But I’m no fool. I am certain I can do the same. There is no doubt in my mind that I get on his nerves, too.

And although getting on each other’s nerves is pretty common in even the happiest marriages, it does make me wonder if we need to get on each other’s nerves as much as we do. I find myself thinking about all the little things people do to sabotage their relationships. What can start off with tugging on someone’s nerves can really damage a relationship if it goes unaddressed.

Couples everywhere are struggling to make things work, and it’s often because they don’t realize that manageable issues can snowball into huge issues because no one is self-aware enough to acknowledge what’s wrong.

And what’s so special about acknowledging what’s wrong?

Well, once you acknowledge what’s wrong, you can then make an effort to change.

Now if you are anything like me, you didn’t get married only to have things go downhill over some bullsh*t. My guess is that you want your marriage to last. You want it to have a fighting chance.

You didn’t get married only to have things go downhill over some bullsh*t.

That’s exactly what I want. I want to do whatever I can so my marriage can stand the test of time.

So, in an effort to help you (and myself) here are 3 things we all need to do if we want our marriages to have a fighting chance.

Understand Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a fundamental part of any successful marriage. You have to learn how to forgive your spouse and yourself. And you also have to learn how to ask for forgiveness. Even if you married someone who is beyond awesome, I guarantee that at some point in your marriage you will have to forgive him or her for some wrongdoing. I can also guarantee that you’ll need to be forgiven for something as well. Forgiveness is a part of the human experience. Understanding and embracing the importance of that principle will take your marriage a long way.

Listen More Than You Speak

Effective communication is key. Unfortunately, lots of people think that communicating effectively is about conveying their point of view clearly and concisely. And although that is part of it, one of the most important aspects of effective communication is your ability to listen well. If you are unable to truly listen to what your spouse has to say, your marriage will suffer. Listening isn’t always easy but with some determination and practice, we can all become better listeners, giving our marriages a true shot at lasting a lifetime.

HOW TO LEARN BETTER COMMUNICATION:

Learn how to improve your communication almost immediately and reduce the amount of unnecessary arguments and issues that come up so easily because of saying the wrong words or sending the wrong messages with our Effective Communication Online Training System. On sale now!

Nurture Yourself

If you are waiting for our spouse to make you happy, you are in trouble. A spouse can add joy to your life through the experiences you share, but you are responsible for your own happiness. You have to know how to love yourself. Once you master that, your marriage gets stronger. You stop expecting your spouse to give you things that you should really be expecting from yourself. Nurture your friendships. Take care of your body. Pursue your dreams. Manage your mental health. Do things that will help you be your best self. Through doing that, you will become a better spouse and your marriage will thrive.

BMWK family, what can you do to give your marriage a fighting chance?

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 494 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. To work with her, visit her at martineforeman.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.

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3 Simple Ways to Protect Your Heart and Your Marriage

BY: - 31 May '17 | Marriage

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I’ve teamed up with Consumer Reports and am proud to be one of their paid brand ambassadors; my personal opinions do not necessarily reflect those of Consumer Reports.

Two years ago, my husband and I started getting our yearly physicals with our primary care physician, and we were shocked to find out the results of our blood tests were not so good. The doctor told both of us to lose weight and to come back in a few months. He said if our blood test results did not improve, that he may consider putting us on medication.

Wait…WHAT?

Medication…say no more.

We both decided that we did not want to start taking pills. We have so many people in our families taking pills for high blood pressure or high cholesterol or they’re on “heart” medication.

And we did not want “taking pills” to be part of our reality too.

Did you know that heart disease starts quietly, and can go from high blood pressure to clogged arteries to a full-blown heart attack? Yes, a full-blown heart attack. This was nothing to play with and Lamar and I had to get our acts together… fast.

Consumer Reports, is a non-profit organization that provides consumers with trusted information, provides resources for us to understand the stages of heart disease.

Protecting Our Hearts

Oddly enough, the same actions that we take to protect our marriage are the exact same actions that we are now taking to protect our hearts.

Step 1: Get Educated

Like most people, we didn’t come into our marriage already knowing how to have a healthy relationship. We had to get educated through books, conferences and marriage resources…basically whatever we could get our hands on.

And we did the same thing for our bodies.

Do you know your medical health history? Do you even know your important health numbers ( i.e. your blood pressure, blood cholesterol and body weight)? Do you know what type of diet you should follow to keep your heart healthy?

We didn’t. So after talking to our doctors, we did our research.

READ: The Healing Power of a Heart-Healthy Diet

Step 2: Seek Wise Counsel

There’s nothing wrong with seeking the help of counselors, mentors or trusted family members as you work to improve the health of your marriage. We did it. You just have to make sure you are getting the right advice for your marriage, because not all of your friends and family will give you the best advice.

The same goes for your body. A lot of people will give you advice about what to do and what to eat. But you should make sure that you are getting the right advice for your body.

However, there is so much information out there surrounding heart health and the prevention of heart attacks that it’s hard to know where to start. One resource that I wish I had when we started our health journey (but I’m glad we have now) is the Heart Health Report by Consumer Reports (CR.) (Consumer Reports aims to provide consumers with evidence-based information for all the critical moments along the way, to help you cut through the noise of conflicting studies and swirling, often contradictory advice.)

 

CR’s information will help you make the best possible choices about your health and well-being and will help you answer questions like: What’s the best diet for a healthy heart? Or, What’s the best hospital if I required heart surgery?

Step 2: Do the Work.

Healthy marriages don’t just happen by chance, they are the result of intentional work. And the same can be said for your body too.

Sure, there are some marriages that just work and there are some people that are just perfect physical specimens. But most of us are not that lucky, and we have to actually do something in order to achieve the results that we desire for our marriages or for our hearts.

And that is exactly what Lamar and I did.

put-in-the-workWe changed our diets.

We did at least 25 minutes of exercise 3-to-4 times a week.

We almost eliminated meat from our diets… we are not 100% Vegetarian…but we are close to it. And we eat more fruits and vegetables.

We lost some serious weight doing those things.

And when we went back to our doctor, our health numbers were good and our doctor could not get over our transformation.

10 Years Strong

My husband Lamar and I have been running this website for 10 years now (and we’ve been married for 12 years.)  For 10 years, we’ve been sharing articles and resources on how to have healthy relationships and marriages. And while we were busy telling you how to have a love that lasts a lifetime, we were not exactly doing the things that would ensure that we would be around for a lifetime to enjoy that love.

And, what’s the point in having a long-lasting marriage if you’re not around to enjoy it.

More About Consumer Reports and How We Can Help Them

Consumer Reports is a non-profit that is independent of corporate and advertising influence. Their goal is to create a fairer, safer, and healthier marketplace putting research, facts and data at the center of everything they do.

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You can help Consumer Reports by donating today for Consumer Safety. Your tax-deductible donation will help CR test the products and services you, your family, and millions of consumers use every day and to keep you informed on issues that impact consumers.

BMWK – what actions are you taking ensure that you will be around to enjoy your marriage for years to come?

I’ve teamed up with Consumer Reports and am proud to be one of their paid brand ambassadors; my personal opinions do not necessarily reflect those of Consumer Reports.

About the author

Ronnie Tyler wrote 517 articles on this blog.

Ronnie Tyler is the co-creator of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com and co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing. The proud mom of 4 has been selected by Parenting Magazine as a Must-Read Mom and is one of Babble's Top 100 Mom Bloggers.

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