5 Reasons Nagging Wears Your Marriage and Your Spouse Completely Out

BY: - 9 May '17 | Communication

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When couples decide to marry, there usually is an expectation and an overall plan to be happy. What they sometimes don’t anticipate are those behaviors that show up and interfere with that plan. One of the major contributors to an unhappy marriage is nagging.

Nagging is the persistent complaining, faultfinding and constant observation of what isn’t working or what your spouse isn’t doing right. Honestly, this behavior will wear your marriage and your spouse completely out. It simply does not work and is counterproductive to the goal of enjoying a happy marriage.

This behavior will wear your marriage and your spouse completely out.

Here are 5 honest reasons why it doesn’t work in a marriage.

Reason #1

Nagging shows a lack of gratitude. If someone is always focused on what isn’t working in their marriage, they probably don’t have very much time left to find things to be grateful for and that’s a problem. Relationships are precious. It’s important to shift that perspective whenever possible. Your spouse needs to know he/she is appreciated and that they do add value to your life.

Reason #2

Nagging will make your spouse feel incompetent. Who would want to feel as though they can’t do anything right? If the plan is to get your spouse to improve in a specific area, nagging probably won’t get them there. Effective communication and knowing healthy ways to make a request of your spouse will have to replace the nagging.

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Reason #3

Nagging causes you to miss what’s truly important in your marriage. Time spent with your spouse is valuable.  It’s wasted when it’s used up with complaining and blaming. Couples who desire a happy marriage must focus on positive ways to contribute to the health of their relationship. That time with your spouse could easily include more love, romance, and intimacy instead of nagging.

Reason #4

Nagging affects your personal happiness. If your energy and attention are usually focused on what’s wrong, you can’t focus on enjoying what makes you happy. It’s necessary to think about your needs and your own peace of mind. You can’t be a great spouse if you’re unhappy. There are ways to discuss the behaviors that bother you, but nagging will affect you both in a negative way.

Reason #5

Nagging disturbs the peace in the home. It creates chaos and causes arguments and discord in the marriage. Nothing good gets accomplished in that type of environment. There isn’t a positive way to respond to nagging other than defending oneself. Your spouse will feel the need to fight back and that leads to the disturbance of the peace. Who wants that?

How to Stop Nagging

Couples, the solutions to nagging are simple.

  • Start with improving your communication.
  • Change your language and how you approach your spouse is key.
  • Avoid using phrases that begin with “You always” and “You don’t ever” because it quickly puts your spouse in defense mode and you won’t get your desired result.
  • Ask how you can support your spouse. The behavior that irks you so much may not be that easy for your partner to fix. It’s important to support them by being solution focused.
  • Lastly, look for things to be grateful for and find ways to thank your spouse more than you criticize.

BMWK, what are the other reasons nagging doesn’t work in a marriage?

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About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 632 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit www.thelifeandlovecoach.com and www.theboldersister.com.

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11 “Not So Easy” Topics Every Married Couple Needs to Discuss

BY: - 7 Jun '17 | Communication

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Somewhere in the world right now, there is a couple arguing about one of these topics. And while I can’t answer any of these questions for you, communication and compromise are key.

1. Can you still have opposite sex friends?

Some say yes…because many friendships are platonic.  And some say no…because it’s a set up for infidelity or it’s disrespectful. What do you think? What are the boundaries?

2. How much time should you spend with your single friends?

Some would say single friends are nothing but trouble for married people because of the season they are in and the undue influence. Others say it doesn’t matter because friendships shouldn’t have to end once someone gets married. What’s the compromise in your mind?

3. Should you tone down your sexy?

Some say if I work for it (or bought it) I earned the right to show off all my sexy. Others say when you become a wife or husband you should tone it down so as to not get that kind of attention. Y’all tell me…what do you think?

4. Are conversations with exes still okay?

Some say he or she might be an ex, but now their relationship is strictly that of friends. Others say once you cross that line there isn’t any un-crossing it and being friends with your ex isn’t cool. I’m sure there isn’t a one size fits all answer, but I’m interested in hearing thoughts!

5. Should your spouse have access to all your social media and passwords to your phone?

Some folks think being married is not synonymous with forgoing all privacy, while others say once you’re married there is no privacy between spouses. I’m sure y’all have some opinions on this one!

6. What time is it “disrespectful” to come back in the house?

If you have a boys’ or girls’ night out is there a married people’s curfew? Some say like your mama used to say that “ain’t nothing good happening after midnight in the streets!” Is there a time that coming in after gets to be “disrespectful?”

7. How much time is too much time with your boys/girls?

One of the things that causes lots of arguments is when your spouse spends too much time with their squad. Well what is too much time? What if they still spend appropriate time with you as well, is it still an issue?

8. Can you still go out of town without your spouse?

Should you be going on girls’ and guys’ trips without your spouse? Should you be going to social events out of town without your wife or husband by your side? Some say for sure and others don’t like it. What do you think?

9. How much sex should be expected?

Some people say if you get married sex should be on the table at any time, while others say it’s unreasonable to expect sex numerous times during a week because of work, kids, responsibilities, and just being tired. How come frequency of sex seems to be such a big issue?

10. Can you have a “work wife’ or “work husband?” Is this okay, or out of bounds?

Is this kosher or just off limits?

11. How much marital business should be shared with friends or family?

Some people think it’s okay to vent to parents, siblings or friends about strife going on in the marriage while others say everything that happens in the marriage should stay between the husband and wife ONLY. This one causes all kinds of arguments so what’s the answer?

So, these are 11 controversial topics that consistently come up in marriages around the world. And although I didn’t offer up any advice about them, I think they must be discussed. My point is that issues in marriage are more universal than we think and you aren’t in it alone, but communicating expectations is the key. Each couple may see these things differently but the compromise will only happen through clear communication!

BMWK Family what are your thoughts? How would you answer the questions above.

FREE TRAINING FOR BETTER COMMUNICATION:

Stop Fussing & Fighting: 5 Keys to Successful Communication in Your Marriage - You'll Learn the Most Important Steps to Stop Fussing & Fighting and to Finally Feel Heard In Your Marriage! If Your Marriage Needs Better Communication This Is for You! Click here to get started!

About the author

Troy Spry wrote 225 articles on this blog.

Troy Spry a Certified Life, Dating, and Relationship Coach and the one and only "Reality Expert", resides in Charlotte, NC. He created his blog, Xklusive Thoughts, with the intent of putting out a very realistic perspective and using it as a vehicle for inspiration! He hopes to challenge people to think differently and inspire people to do and be better in relationships and in life!

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