3 Warning Signs Someone Is Bread-crumbing You and Isn’t Worth Your Time

BY: - 18 May '17 | Single

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Has this ever happened to you? You meet a man (maybe using a dating app) and you have great conversation. He sends you text messages every day and he calls you every night for a week. He then says, “We should get together on Saturday,” and he tells you about one of his favorite restaurants and how he’d love to take you there. You say, “it’s a date!” But when the weekend rolls around, he’s nowhere to be found. You send a text but he doesn’t answer. Why did he stop texting you? Were you just hearing things? Did you not have a date?

You just experienced bread-crumbing, a new version of bad behavior in modern dating. Bread-crumbing is the cray-cray cousin of ghosting, but unlike Ghosts who might date you for weeks, months or even years and then disappear into thin air without so much as a good bye text, Bread-crumbers tend to lead you on, creating false hope, and crushing your self-esteem.

I want to help you save your sanity by sharing 3 warning signs someone is bread-crumbing you.

1. They never make concrete plans

One of my clients frantically texted me because the man she’d met online had asked her out and sent her a link to the restaurant. On the day they were supposed to meet up, he never called or texted her. “We never set a time, but we did agree on a day for our date,” she told me.

I told her that unless you have a time, location and place, plus a follow up call from the person who asked you out, it’s not a real date!

Bread-crumbers have a propensity to make vague plans, painting a picture of what they’d like to do “one day,” but they never put all of the pieces in place to make it happen.

2. They lurk around your life

Unlike Ghosts who will completely vanish, Bread-crumbers will lurk on your social media and pop in and out of your life. One of my clients recently experienced this with a man who took her out on a few dates, but then vanished for about 3 months. She then noticed he was liking and commenting on her social media photos.

He then slid into her DMs, asking if they could get together sometime. He’d already disappeared once, and now he was popping back into her life, as though nothing had ever happened.  I told her that a man who doesn’t have enough integrity to consistently communicate with her wasn’t worth her time.

You deserve better than someone who feeds you crumbs of attention, but never serves up the whole meal of a real date or relationship.

3. They keep conversations on a surface level

If the person you’re talking to never goes beyond the typical flirty conversations that some people have when they first meet, that could be a warning sign that you’re dealing with a Bread-crumber. Some theories are that Bread-crumbers live in a fantasy world, and only use online dating to boost their egos. They hide behind their smartphones, flirt with you, and sell you a dream of what’s possible, but they never have receipts to back up that dream! Don’t waste your time with them!

You deserve better than someone who feeds you crumbs of attention, but never serves up the whole meal of a real date or relationship. These daters are not worth your time, so if you recognize any of these warning signs, cut these bread-crumbers off and move on to someone who is stable, consistent and emotionally available.

BMWK, what warning signs have you noticed that reveal someone is going to bread-crumb you? 

About the author

Aesha Adams Roberts wrote 154 articles on this blog.

Dr. Aesha is a matchmaker, dating coach, speaker and author of the book, Can I Help A Sister Out: How To Meet & Marry The Man of Your Dreams. After years of making painful dating mistakes, she met & married her husband in 11 short months and has made it her mission to help women and men find and keep the love of their lives.

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19 Years Old, Single and Curious: What is a Good Age to Get Married?

BY: - 23 May '17 | Relationships

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Dear Dr. Buckingham,

I’m 19 years old (not dating), and would like to be married one day. Just out of curiosity, what do you think is a good age for one to get married, and how old do you think is too young?

Thank you 🙂

Young and Curious

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Dear Young and Curious,

Thanks for asking such an important, but subjective question. Many people have different views regarding the best age to tie the knot. Because there is no magic age, my response is based both on my personal belief and professional observations as a clinical psychotherapist who has provided therapy to hundreds of couples from around the world.

I believe that 25 years old is a good age to get married. Also, I believe that it is the youngest age as well. I encourage individuals to wait until they are at least 25 years old for three reasons.

Reason #1 – Maturity Level. From a psychology perspective, maturity level is associated with development stages and one’s ability to make sound and logical decisions. According to Erik Erikson, a famous psychologist, healthy developing individuals pass through eight stages of development from infancy to late adulthood. He argues that between 13 and 19 years of age individuals are struggling with their fidelity: Identity vs. role confusion.

During this fifth stage most individuals are trying to answer the following question: Who Am I and What Can I Be? During this transitional timeframe, individuals are still trying to figure out which roles they will play as adults. It is common for them to feel confused and have mixed feelings about the specific ways they will fit into society.

However, given the right conditions and role models, individuals may develop a firm sense of who they are and what they want. Nevertheless, self-discovery is the primary focus for most individuals between ages 13-19.

Between ages 20-39, which represents the intimacy vs. isolation stage, individuals struggle with the concept of love. We begin to ask ourselves, “Can I Love?” For most, age 30 is when we put more focus on the decision to remain single (isolation) or to develop an intimate and long-term relationship. Individuals cannot develop or make long-term commitments until they have established their identities. Given this, I personally do not believe that anyone under the age of 25 should get married.

Reason #2 – Education Level. Generally speaking, it takes at least 4 years to graduate from college, which means that most individuals leave college around the age of 21 or 22. While education is not the end all and be all to marital success, it definitely plays a role.

In my professional work, I have found that individuals who have attained higher education are less likely to divorce than those who have less education. This is partially true because through the educational system, especially on the college level, individuals learn how to process and problem solve more effectively.

Also, your financial status can and will impact the marital relationship. Given this, I recommend that individuals obtain higher education, if possible, before marriage because college educated individuals typically get married later and tend to be more established financially than less educated adults.

Reason #3 – More time together means more bonding. Time is the answer to most relationship challenges and I have found that couples who date longer typically create stronger bonds, which are critical to marital success. As you navigate through early adulthood, you can grow to learn more about your potential husband. Jumping the broom should not solely be based on timeframes, however those who spend less time bonding are at greater risk of marital discord and possible divorce.

I wish you the best on your journey and please continue to ask important questions before making important decisions. By seeking guidance you are already on the right path. Some say, “age ain’t nothing but a number”, but I disagree. Age represents stages and phases in our lives. When you do decide to get married, please seek pre-marital counseling from a professional counselor.

Best regards,

Dr. Buckingham

If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com

Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.

About the author

Dwayne Buckingham wrote 187 articles on this blog.

Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham, author of Qualified, yet Single: Why Good Men Remain Single and Unconditional Love: What Every Woman and Man Desires in a Relationship, is a highly acclaimed international clinical psychotherapist, life coach, relationship and resiliency expert, motivational speaker and corporate consultant. He is also the President and Chief Executive Officer of R.E.A.L. Horizons Consulting Service, located in Silver Spring, Maryland. To learn more about Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham visit his website at www.DrBuckingham.com.

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