5 Really Good Ways to Support Your Spouse’s Dream

BY: - 14 Jun '17 | Marriage

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I am a dreamer. I sometimes think up really big ideas but occasionally I lose steam when the process seems to be moving too slowly or I get discouraged. This is why my husband is such a really great match for me. He’s always supportive, realistic and able to see the big picture when I can’t. He knows who he married so he understands what I need as a dreamer.

Dreamers get excited about ideas. They sometimes want things to move along pretty quickly and can sometimes miss key details as a result. They are usually always looking for their big break or that one big idea. Dreamer’s believe anything is possible at anytime. That, of course, can be taxing on the other spouse. Supporting a dreamer requires a special skill and remembering these 5 things will definitely help.

Listen attentively to your dreamer. Whether it’s their first idea or idea number 250, listen attentively. Show them you care about what they care about. Great eye contact, positive body language and asking clarifying questions are a great way to demonstrate you’re listening. It’s also okay to challenge a little bit and ask about details of your spouse’s dream while you’re listening. Your attention and interest will surely inspire your spouse.

Add to your dreamer’s ideas. If it makes sense and is a really good idea, be willing to offer up your help. Perhaps you have an area of expertise that benefits your spouse’s dream.  If so, remind them you can help in that area. Maybe you can even help do research to get the idea moving from concept to implementation.

Support your dreamer. Again, those great ideas are the ones we need to support most. Show up, buy their product, or promote their event. Let your support be obvious. Be your dreamer’s biggest supporter and loudest cheerleader. Step up in areas your spouse needs you most, even before they ask.

Remind your dreamer of their resilience. Dreamers can sometimes become discouraged. Build them up with words of encouragement. Use powerful words and phrases like “You got this!” “This is going to be amazing!” or “I really admire your drive and persistence.” Words carry so much power. Use yours wisely as you encourage your dreamer.

Create a space for your dreamer to dream. You know who you married and you know how it gets when your spouse’s creative juices are flowing. Help them by removing distractions. Watch the children while they create. Or, design a space for them in the home that helps breed creativity. Whatever assists them in being at their best, do that.

Again, dreamers won’t stop dreaming. I’m sure you already know that though.  The 5 suggestions listed above will surely show your love and support, and dreamers often need that more than anything.

BMWK, what are other ways to support a dreaming spouse?

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 629 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit www.thelifeandlovecoach.com and www.theboldersister.com.

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How to Stay Together When Your Family and Friends Want You to Divorce

BY: - 15 Jun '17 | Marriage

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For years, my husband Don and I had an extremely rocky marriage. During those tumultuous years, I confided in a lot of girlfriends. I told them everything he did and did not do. I was painting a picture of him that had them not speaking to him or wanting to be around him.

When things were at their worst, I ran my mouth. Straight up. I even convinced myself that I was going to leave him. As I plotted to leave him, these friends were right there to encourage me to follow through with it.

For a while, I felt like they understood me and my pain. I felt that they knew me way more than my husband. I even allowed another man to fill my head with lies of what he would do for me when I left my husband. You see, I had a loveless marriage. I made a choice to stay for the kids’ sake. This is my truth.

After years of this plotting to leave Don, I decided to ask God how this was going to go down. God said, “Pray for your marriage”. Needless to say, I did not want to do that.  I wanted God to say, “go down to the courthouse and file your divorce papers.” But, that was not the answer I received.

I remember clearly hearing Him say, “Your husband is your ministry.” That response shocked me to my core because Don still was not acting right. We were still arguing. We were still on and off again not speaking to each other. I was still holding back on sex and being affectionate. I was still telling my friends how terrible he was.

It took me several more weeks to make up in my mind that I was going to stay. Once I did that, I was motivated to tell my friends. I was extremely nervous because I knew this was a complete 180 change from what I had been saying for years. I did not know that some of them would be slightly disappointed by this latest development. I thought they would be happy, but some were not, especially my single friends.

I had friends replay some of the things I shared in an attempt to make me upset with my husband. Others questioned why I would stay after all we had been through. Others let me know they thought it was a stupid idea. An ultra-independent friend told me that I was a slave to my husband and that she was disgusted that I allowed a man to control me.

This experience taught me several things about myself and about people. Some of those things are:

  • Seek God first! His ways are truly not our ways.
  • Everything that goes on in your marriage does not need to be shared
  • Everybody has an opinion of what they would and would not do. Follow your heart!
  • Don’t share your marriage drama with friends and family unless they support your marriage
  • Some things your single friends will not understand
  • Divorced friends are sometimes the hardest critics for staying married
  • Confide in one or two friends who will pray with you and tell you the truth about yourself
  • Make sure you have people who believe in marriage in your corner
  • When friends start to talk bad about your husband, shut them down
  • When your mother starts talking about your husband, shut her down too
  • Your husband is not as bad as you think he is

Guess what? Those same women who encouraged me to leave are no longer in my life. Guess who is still here? My husband!

Marriage is not easy but it is doable if you see the good in your husband. In turn, he will cherish and love you back. Had I listened to these women, Don and I would not be looking at celebrating our 18th wedding anniversary on June 12th. God is faithful if you are faithful.

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About the author

Tanya Barnett wrote 15 articles on this blog.

Tanya Barnett is a relationship strategist, speaker and the “Real” Wife Coach. She is the author of Being a Wife Just Got Real: Things I Wish I Knew, Before I Said, I Do”. She founded the Real Wife Movement™, where she equips single and married women with tools to create strong marriages and families. She is also the founder of Forever Free Books, a mobile literacy nonprofit, which delivers free books and story time to low income children in their neighborhoods and communities. She is a marathoner, triathlete and a serious book lover. She and her husband, Don, have 3 awesome kids.

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