5 Straightforward Steps to Becoming a Better Wife

BY: - 13 Jun '17 | Marriage

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I think we are all a work in progress. Anyone who isn’t trying to make improvements, daily, is pretty self-absorbed if you ask me. After all, none of us are perfect.

Now, I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t be happy with who you are. I happen to love myself. But I also know that I am flawed. I make mistakes every day.

But I want to do better. I want to be a better mom and friend and daughter. I also want to be a better wife. I’ve been friends with my husband for over 20 years and we’ve been married for almost 9. And yes, even after all that time, I think I can still be a better wife.

But what does that does that even mean, right?

If I already think I’m a good wife, what can I do to become a better one? It’s simple really because becoming better doesn’t need to be complicated. You don’t need to change who you are or how you move through the world to be a better spouse. All you need is a level of self-awareness and the willingness to make a few simple changes in your life.

Are you willing to do that? Are you willing to change just a little bit if you know those changes will make you a better wife and ultimately improve your marriage?

I know I am.

So here are 5 straightforward steps (because no one has time for anything complicated) that will help you become a better wife.

Practice Empathy

It’s easy to pass judgment or get frustrated with your husband because of what he did or didn’t do, but if you are able to have more empathy, it will change the type of wife you are. At the end of the day, we all make mistakes. And when we do, what we need most is the person we love taking a moment to walk in our shoes. By doing that you step away from a space of judgment and arrive at a place of understanding. It doesn’t excuse whatever wrongdoing your spouse engaged in, but it does allow you to see things from a perspective other than your own and that makes you a better wife.

Speak Your Truth

If you expect your husband to read your mind, I have to burst your bubble and tell you that he can’t. He can’t and he never will. Not ever. No one is a mind reader. As his wife, your job is to speak your truth clearly and respectfully. Your husband needs to know where you stand, how you feel, and what you need. If you can’t openly share those details, don’t get mad at him for not understanding. He can’t understand a thing if you can’t bring yourself to be honest.

Give Yourself What You Need

Your husband is not there to meet all of your needs. There are some needs you must fulfill on your own. Take care of yourself. Exercise. Spend time with your girlfriends. Eat well. Pursue your dreams. Invest time and energy into meeting your own needs. I promise that once you do that, you will be far more satisfied with what your husband does to fulfill his obligation to meet some of your needs as a husband.

Learn to Forgive

If you can’t forgive, I can only assume that you’ve never made a mistake. What? You have made a mistake? Well, that’s not a shocker. We all make mistakes. That said, you must learn to forgive. No marriage can thrive without forgiveness.

You have to realize that even if someone loves you to the ends of the earth, human beings will mess up from time to time. I’m not suggesting that you accept crappy behavior because that is crazy. But I am suggesting that you always forgive. Even if you decide that the marriage won’t work, you still must forgive. Your soul needs it.

Ask for Help

The best thing I have ever done for my marriage is ask my husband for more help. Sure, it would be nice if he always knew when I needed his help, but he doesn’t. Sometimes, he has no idea. Sometimes, I have to open my mouth and just ask. And not just from him, but from everyone in my tribe. When you ask for help instead of struggling and trying to do it all alone, you become a better wife and every relationship in your life begins to improve.

BMWK wives, what steps do you take to become a better wife?

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 496 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. To work with her, visit her at martineforeman.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.

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Should I Divorce My Wife for My High School Sweetheart?

BY: - 14 Jun '17 | Marriage

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Dear Dr. Buckingham,

I was with my high school sweetheart for about 5 years off and on, but we were young and always broke up over childish things, but we always got back together. As a young man, I never looked at being in a relationship like average youngsters. I was really thinking about marriage and who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

Well she was who I saw myself spending the rest of my life with because I was in love with her and felt like I knew her almost like I knew myself and vice versa. But in college we separated over something I can’t even remember why and eventually I ended up getting married.

I wasn’t ready to get married, to be honest, and felt a little pressured. Nevertheless, I love my wife because she is a GREAT woman. The problem I have is this…I feel connected to my high school sweetheart and I ignored the fact that I wasn’t over her nor ready to get married.

That feeling and thought came back almost a year ago and I can’t shake it. It’s messing up my marriage because my heart is telling me I should be with my HS sweetheart. I know that this is wrong logically because I’m already married and my wife and I have a child together.

My wife and I have discussed this over and over and basically it’s up to me to make the decision. I just don’t want to make the wrong decision because I’ve never been through this before. I’m 22 and just want to be happy and want everyone else to be happy as well.

Should I Divorce My Wife for My High School Sweet Heart?

Confused in Love

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Dear Confused in Love,

Thank you for contacting me. You provided great detail about the nature of your confusion, but not enough for me to provide a thorough response. I would like to know why you feel so connected to your high school sweetheart and what was the connection based on? I often remind individuals that there is difference between lust and love. I am not sure of what your infatuation with your high school sweetheart was built on. Knowing this can help because, developmentally speaking, one would question whether or not you all were mature enough to have a sustainable relationship.

It sounds like you are a little impulsive, indecisive and somewhat emotionally immature. I make this comment not as a judgment, but because you stated that you broke up with your high school sweetheart several times and felt a little pressured to marry your wife, although you were not ready. Also, I made the aforementioned comment because I wanted to shed light on some things that I believe you need to work on before making any decisions. Lastly, I advise you to never make major life decisions while in emotional distress.

Some people say that the heart does not lie. They also say, “If you feel it is most be right”. I highly recommend that you think heavily about this because we can mentally convince ourselves to justify our emotions even if they are unhealthy. I often tell people that they should not do what their mind cannot handle. What we feel and what we think does not always align, but a confused mindset will always contribute and/or cause confused emotions. You have to get your mind right before you can get your life or relationship right.

I commend you for wanting to make everyone happy, but unfortunately it appears that several individuals will be impacted by your decision to stay or leave. The battle between your heart (high school sweetheart) and your mind (great wife) should be fought in therapy. You need someone to help you process.

I highly recommend that you seek professional counseling. Because you want to do the right thing by all that are involved.

Best regards,

Dr. Buckingham

If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com

Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.

About the author

Dwayne Buckingham wrote 194 articles on this blog.

Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham, author of Qualified, yet Single: Why Good Men Remain Single and Unconditional Love: What Every Woman and Man Desires in a Relationship, is a highly acclaimed international clinical psychotherapist, life coach, relationship and resiliency expert, motivational speaker and corporate consultant. He is also the President and Chief Executive Officer of R.E.A.L. Horizons Consulting Service, located in Silver Spring, Maryland. To learn more about Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham visit his website at www.DrBuckingham.com.

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