5 Conversations You Can’t Avoid If You Want A Happy Marriage

BY: - 22 Jun '17 | Communication

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In order for your marriage to stand the test of time, you have to be able to communicate your needs, frustrations, desires, and so much more. Without communication, your marriage inevitably suffers.

Effective communication is the cornerstone of a happy marriage.

But what some people fail to realize is that it’s not just a matter of communicating. Even if you talk to your spouse daily about 101 things, your marriage is still in trouble if you both avoid talking about the really important stuff, the stuff that makes most folks uncomfortable.

Now, I’m not suggesting you talk to your spouse about the tough stuff daily. That’s just exhausting. But I am saying that avoiding that stuff for too long can lead to trouble. For a marriage to be successful, you and your spouse have to be able to discuss and debate the things that matter most. If you don’t, your marriage will surely begin to suffer as a result frustration and resentment.

So while you are working on improving your communication skills with your spouse, you should also give some thought to whether or not you are having these important conversations…

Financial Matters

If there is one thing people hate talking about, it’s money. Sadly, though, this happens a lot in marriages. Many couples have their own personal financial belief system, and that can sometimes lead to financial secrets. No good can come from avoiding these conversations with your spouse. As difficult as it may be, talk to your mate about money. Share your concerns and your hopes. Even with differences in opinion, you have to be able to discuss money and reach a common ground if you want to avoid turmoil down the road.

Sex

Whether you are in a sexless marriage, or one where sex happens pretty regularly, chances are you don’t talk about sex as much as you should. Intimacy is a huge part of a marriage and you should be able to discuss it candidly. Talk about your desires and your fantasies. Let your partner what you like and what you don’t like. If these conversations happen frequently, it has the potential to help you grow closer to your spouse and improve your sex lives.

In-Laws

So many people have a laundry list of complaints about their in-laws, but the necessary conversations with their spouses are not taking place. When problems occur with your in-laws, avoiding the topic rarely resolves a thing. However uncomfortable it may be, you have to be able to talk to your spouse about what’s going on so you can land on the same page and manage family conflicts as a united front.

Deferred Dreams

Are you holding on to a life-long dream that you haven’t shared with your spouse or you feel like it’s too late to pursue? Don’t do it. Talk to your mate about your dream. Ask for his support. Pray together about it. Discuss whether or not you can pursue it now. Very few things cause as much resentment in a marriage as letting go of a dream and always wondering, “what if.”

Long-terms Goals

You are both concerned about your day-to-day expenses and saving for the kids to go to college, but barely talk about what you really want your own lives to look like once the kids are all grown up. Sit down with your spouse and have an honest heart-to-heart about what you want your lives to look like in 10, 20, or 30 years.

BMWK family, what conversations are you avoiding with your spouse?

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 494 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. To work with her, visit her at martineforeman.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.

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5 Signs Your Marriage Needs Help (And How to Get It)  

BY: - 23 Jun '17 | Communication

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Ever felt like something in your marriage was a little off? Maybe you and your partner just weren’t connecting the way you should and you knew you both could do so much better. Well, the truth is, you can. The very first step toward doing better is recognizing something is wrong. When couples aren’t on the same page it sometimes has a lot to do with communication.

Pinpointing the challenges that relate to communication can be difficult for some couples. Usually, at least one partner struggles with recognizing that their style of communication may be ineffective for their partner. Even though a couple may disagree about a number of things, it most often leads back to how they talk to one another.

If you’re wondering if your marriage needs better communication here are 5 signs that let you know for sure and what you can do about it.

1. If nothing seems to ever get resolved with your disagreements.

A couple who continues to argue about the same things without a resolution in sight definitely needs better communication. It often means someone isn’t listening or someone isn’t expressing themselves clearly.

You can improve by setting rules of engagement with your partner. Prior to having a heart to heart with your spouse, determine what goes and what doesn’t. A few examples include promising to listen without interrupting or being solution focused instead of finger pointing. Establishing communication rules will help to keep both partners on track.

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2. If you’re not talking as much as you used to.

Couples need to communicate. There is just too much that happens in life and within a relationship that needs to be discussed. How you feel, what you need and why must be shared with your partner. A couple whose marriage has gone silent will need to figure out why, because silence is no good for a marriage. How will you know where your partner is mentally if you aren’t talking like you used to?

You can improve in this area by starting small and then building back up to how you used to communicate. Asking how your spouse’s day was or what made them smile that day is a good beginning.

3. If the opposite of what’s being said is being done.

If you or your spouse are saying one thing and doing something different, there is possibly a disconnect in your communication. One thing we all have that people come to trust is our word. When it isn’t clear or doesn’t match our actions it affects our reputation and the amount of trust people will put into us, spouse included. Couples must be careful with their words and make sure they can support them.

You can improve by being clear and honest in your communication. It’s okay to say you don’t know, or to even ask for time to figure things out. Being truthful and doing what you say you will do will benefit your marriage significantly.

4. If you’re more frustrated after the conversation and every little thing turns into a bigger out of control thing.

Your marriage needs better communication and more understanding if every little thing is a trigger for you and your spouse. It may seem as though you’ve lost patience with one another.

You can get it back by remembering the love you have for your spouse. Also using a technique called the power of the pause. It’s used at my job and reminds people of how much power there is in pausing during a disagreement. When you pause, you can determine why you’re so upset and also reconsider your actions in order to get the positive response you’re seeking before you respond negatively.

5. If you’re not clarifying, acknowledging or validating…something’s wrong.

In order for communication to improve in your relationship you have to be willing to do all of these things. Clarifying helps you to be sure you’ve heard what you’ve heard. It’s important that you and your spouse are on the same page. Acknowledging what your spouse is saying and how they feel will help them feel safe about opening up. Validating it, even if you don’t understand shows compassion. It’s okay to say “I totally understand why you may feel this way.” That statement doesn’t make anyone right or wrong, it simply shows you understand their position. These are key ingredients to better communication and they work.

It’s good to be aware of the communication in your marriage, whether it’s good or needs work. Paying attention to these signs and taking immediate action when you’re off track will make all the difference in the overall health of your marriage.

BMWK, what are other signs that your marriage needs better communication?

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About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 630 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit www.thelifeandlovecoach.com and www.theboldersister.com.

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