Communication in Marriage: 4 Signs You and Your Spouse are Finally Maturing

BY: - 15 Jun '17 | Communication

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Okay let’s be honest…if you’re with someone for any extended period an argument or two is inevitable. Sometimes the smallest things just turn into WWII for no reason. Emotions get high, things are said that shouldn’t be, and then a week later you’re still mad at each other. Let’s just say my wife and I had a little spat yesterday.  But as I look back at it, I realized how far we’ve come in HOW we argue or disagree.  We’re really maturing. And here are 4 signs we’ve really matured in the way we communicate with each other.

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1. You think before you speak

Lord knows as spouses we know just what to say to hit our mate’s hot buttons. Sometimes we want to go for the jugular and knock them out for the count. As you begin to mature more in your relationship, you will learn how to manage both your IMPULSE and RESPONSE.

I know there are times where I want say that one thing to set her off or make her “feel” it. But as I’ve matured, I realized that I shouldn’t want to hurt her just because my feelings might be hurt. I’ve learned how to walk away, pause and process before  saying the pettiest thing that comes to mind. At the end of the day, we should build each other up and not break each other down.

2. You are conscious of your tone

Growing up you always heard “sometimes it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.”  Well, the same still holds true as an adult. If all your disagreements turn into shouting matches, then odds are nothing is getting accomplished.

A raised tone in voice causes defensiveness and when two people are defensive nothing gets communicated. A calm tone quickly turns a confrontation into a conversation where you are communicating and not defending yourself.

3. You are able to admit when you are wrong

PRIDE is one of the most dangerous things in a relationship. When two people can’t admit their part in a disagreement is just drives a wedge between them. Most times in an argument both people contributed in some way or another but pride causes many not to want to admit it. In my disagreement with my wife I didn’t want to admit I was wrong but knowing that it’s bigger than me helped break down that pride barrier and I could then admit my shortcoming. Admitting it quickly tore down the walls and got us back on the same page.

4. You don’t stay mad for long periods of time

Pride also has a lot to do with how long you allow the tension and attitude between you to linger. Sometimes an argument that happened on Sunday is still lingering on the next Friday. In the meantime, you aren’t talking to each other much, you’re being short, and you’re lacking sweetness  intimacy. You are wasting valuable time being mad when you could be spending that time being in love. I don’t know about you, but my house is a lot happier when the tension is low.

Of course, disagreements will happen in your relationship. Two imperfect people together will result in an imperfect marriage that you must have skills to get through. Truthfully, it all starts with being conscious…because the more conscious you are the better you can control your behaviors and the happier your marriage will be. The more you learn to not let pride dominate HOW you argue, then the arguments become a lot less intense and a lot shorter lived. With maturity arguments turn into conversations, not confrontations!

BMWK – based on these signs, are you and your spouse maturing in the way you communicate with each other.

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About the author

Troy Spry wrote 225 articles on this blog.

Troy Spry a Certified Life, Dating, and Relationship Coach and the one and only "Reality Expert", resides in Charlotte, NC. He created his blog, Xklusive Thoughts, with the intent of putting out a very realistic perspective and using it as a vehicle for inspiration! He hopes to challenge people to think differently and inspire people to do and be better in relationships and in life!

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5 Things Every Wife Needs Her Husband to Understand

BY: - 19 Jun '17 | Communication

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If there is anything almost nine years of marriage has taught me, it’s that I can’t get my husband to read my mind. Yep, despite my best efforts, that brotha just can’t do it. Consider it a shortcoming if you must, but I realize that he’s just human.

My husband is actually human.

Shocking, right? After all, didn’t he get the memo that marrying me meant that he needed to meet my needs without instruction? Okay, I’m exaggerating a bit. I never expected my husband to be a mind reader. As nice as it sounds, it’s not possible. I mean, I can’t read his mind. And sometimes when I try, it doesn’t work out too well. I’m better off just asking the right questions and gathering information.

But with what I have figured out over the years, I’ve come to appreciate that there are a few important things that I just need my husband to understand. And I can’t assume he will just figure these things out on his own. That’s unreasonable. I’ve made it my business to communicate these things to him.

And can I tell you something?

Those conversations have made all the difference. They’ve allowed me to be clear about where I stand on certain issues, and they’ve given my husband the opportunity to understand where I stand.

After talking to a few married friends, I realize that most women want their husbands to understand the same things…because even though each marriage is unique, we all have our commonalities.

Here are five things every wife needs her husband to understand.

A little appreciation goes a long way.

This should go without saying, but I think wives need to say it to their husbands to avoid resentment. Your wife needs to be appreciated, verbally and through your actions. And when you show her appreciation, she remembers it. She appreciates you for expressing it. She is thankful you recognize her efforts. Your appreciation goes a very, very long way.

Honesty is the best chance you have at repairing damage.

If you’ve done anything to damage your marriage, don’t lie about it. Tell your wife the truth. Yes, tell her the truth even if it’s painful for her to hear. You see, the only thing that will hurt her more than hearing the truth from you is discovering it on her own. And that’s usually what happens. Be honest, deal with the consequences, and give your marriage a fighting chance.

Some decisions just aren’t about you.

When you marry someone, two lives are joined forever. There should be a mutual interest in growing together. But don’t forget that your wife is her own person. She was whole before she met you. Her decisions about her dreams and goals and passions are not always about you. They often have nothing to do with you. Sometimes, she just needs your love and support, not for you to fix things. Let her sort through some things on her own. She will come to you when she needs help.

You need to give one hundred percent.

People tend to say that marriage is 50/50, but I think that line of thought can land you in trouble. In order for things to work, consider thinking about your marriage as a 100/100 partnership. Expect your wife to give one hundred percent and you plan to give one hundred percent as well. You get what you give, so give your marriage everything you’ve got.

Love is essential, but it isn’t enough.

It’s important for a woman to feel loved by the man she chose to spend a lifetime with, but love alone isn’t enough. Are you communicating with your wife? Are you building a vision together? Are you showing her appreciation? Do you respect her? Do you listen to her? Do you go on dates with her? Remember that you can’t build a happy marriage on love alone. You need a stronger foundation than that.

BMWK family, what are some things you wish you wife or husband understood?

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 494 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. To work with her, visit her at martineforeman.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.

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