How to Stop Fighting With Your Honey Over Money

BY: - 5 Jun '17 | Money

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Money issues can sap the bliss out of any relationship. In fact, according to a MONEY magazine survey, 70% of married couples argue about money. They fight more about money than they fight about household chores, spending time together or even sex. But you don’t have to let finances become your downfall. Consider these simple steps for bringing financial peace back into your marriage.

Don’t Judge

It’s easy to judge. We’re all critics at heart. But that criticism can be devastating when directed toward your significant other. Perhaps your husband thinks your ever expanding shoe collection is one of the dumbest, most financially reckless things ever. Maybe you consider the $250 he spends on fantasy football to be absolutely insane.

Despite how ill advised their purchases appear to you, it’s imperative not to judge your partner’s discretionary spending, especially if it makes them happy. What is important, however, is to budget their spending so that it doesn’t derail your financial plans as a couple.

Consider creating “ours”, “his” and “hers” bank accounts. The common “ours” bank account is where you as a couple combine all your finances and pay for household spending and financial priorities. Each month have a set amount of money automatically transferred from the common account into two separate “his” and “hers” accounts. This “allowance” allows each partner to have money that they can spend guilt and judgment free.

Agree, for instance, that each spouse will receive $200 a month to spend as they wish. And if they want to purchase something more expensive than $200, they’ll just have to wait and save up for it. In this way couples can enjoy spending freedom while practicing financial discipline at the same time.

Get on the Same Page

A house divided can not stand. Couples with conflicting money goals are headed for trouble. One partner may have a goal of purchasing a larger home in the future while the other partner dreams of building a sizable retirement account. That’s why it’s important to get on the same page financially. Sit down and map your financial future together. Determine your mutual short term, medium term, and long term goals. It may require a good deal of compromise but the results will be well worth the sacrifice.

Be Honest

So you lied about a purchase. Maybe you’re keeping a secret cash stash, or perhaps you have debt you don’t want your partner to know about. Harmless? Not really.

Financial lies can quickly undermine the trust in any relationship. According to a SELF and Today.com money survey nearly 46% of people admitted to lying about financial issues to a significant other. And financial deception has consequences. A National Endowment for Financial Education survey, for instance, found that 75% of respondents admit that such lies have adversely affected their relationship.

Financial lies can quickly undermine the trust in any relationship.

Whatever the reason for the financial infidelity, couples must be honest and come clean. First create the safe space in your marriage needed to discuss financial shortcomings. This space should be a safe harbor of forgiveness and understanding. Then both partners need to lay all of their cards on the table, including an accurate accounting of all debts and spending. Only after being completely honest with each other can you build a foundation for true financial success.

Make Time to Talk

Communication is the key to a successful marriage. No where is this more evident than with finances. According to a TD Bank Love And Money study, couples who discuss money on a regular basis are happier than couples who talk about money less frequently.

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Make plans to discuss your financial situation at least once a week. If you must, schedule the time. This is the opportunity to assess your money situation, identify financial challenges and opportunities, and make plans for the near future. When you make talking about money a priority, your financial progress as a couple will blossom.

Unearth Your Hidden “Money Scripts”

Let’s face it. When it comes right down to it, much of our spending is based on emotion. As human beings we all have “money scripts” or core beliefs about money that we subconsciously developed growing up watching our parents deal with money. It’s these money scripts that, for better or worse, guide our financial behavior as adults.

A wife may hoard money because growing up her family never experienced real financial security. Alternatively, she may spend money whimsically because she desires to enjoy the things she never had as a child. A husband may dress to impress and purchase the latest model automobiles as a way to provide himself with the validation he never received as a child.

It can be a painful challenge to unearth the underlying psychology behind our destructive spending patterns. It’s even harder to share these with our spouse, but a strong relationship embraces vulnerability. As a couple, once you face the uncomfortable money scripts which drive your bad financial decisions, you can address them and begin moving your finances in the right direction.

BMWK, How do you avoid fighting over money with your honey?

About the author

Alonzo Peters wrote 287 articles on this blog.

Alonzo Peters is founder of MochaMoney.com, a personal finance website dedicated to helping Black America achieve financial independence.

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5 Habits of People with Money… They All Do This!

BY: - 26 Jun '17 | Money

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There are many many ways that people with money make the money, from starting their own business, to real-estate investing, to a having a highly successful career, or to investing in stocks. However, no matter how they make the money, the people with money have these 5 basic habits in common.

1. Create a budget

“A budget is telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went.” – Dave Ramsey

It sounds simple, but a budget is your financial blueprint for success. While you may associate a budget with sacrifice and deprivation, a budget actually compels you to say NO to those things that provide you with little value, and allows you to say YES to what’s really important. It helps you live within your means, avoid debt, and invest in your financial future. By embracing a budget early in life, you’ll create a path to a financially lucrative future.

Don’t know how to create a budget? Consider the 50-30-20 budget plan. Fifty percent of your take home pay should cover necessities like food, shelter, groceries, health insurance and transportation. Thirty percent should be directed toward your “wants.” These are things that are nice to have but not absolutely essential like a smart phone, travel and dining out. Finally, twenty percent should be dedicated to paying off debts, building savings, and investing.

Click Here to Download a FREE Copy of the BMWK Generational Wealth Pledge for Black Families!

2. Embrace failure.

“If there is no struggle there is no progress.” – Frederick Douglass

Success in life rarely follows a straight path. Rather it is a series of challenges with associated set-backs and advancements. Don’t be afraid to embrace challenges because of your fear of failure. Instead, be fearless in the face of challenge. Refuse to play it safe. Life doesn’t reward wallflowers.

As babies we never let the fear of falling keep us from learning to walk. If we had, we’d still be on all fours. So don’t shrink away from the new job, assignment or entrepreneurial venture for fear of failure.

Be fearless in the face of challenge. Refuse to play it safe. Life doesn’t reward wallflowers.

You will not succeed in all of your endeavors. But your failures will be just as important as your successes. In fact, plan to fail. Embrace and learn from your failures because they are stepping stones to achievement.

Walt Disney was fired from one of his first animation jobs because his editor thought that he lacked imagination. Walt went on to create Disney, one of the world’s most successful animation and movie studios.

Oprah Winfrey was removed from her first TV anchor job at a Baltimore television station. She went on later to create her own TV network, becoming one of the richest women in the world.

Bill Gates and Paul Allen’s first business venture, Traf-O-Data was a flop, but the experience gained from their failure was crucial in the creation of Microsoft, the company that would make them both billionaires. In a 2011 Newsweek interview Paul Allen explained, “… I have made my share of business mistakes, but Traf-O-Data remains my favorite mistake because it confirmed to me that every failure contains the seeds of your next success. ”

3. Pay yourself first.

“A part of all you earn is yours to keep, and if you cannot save money, the seeds of greatness are not in you” – W. Clement Stone

Before the student loans, rent, or utility bills are paid, the very first person you must pay is yourself. Set aside a small portion of your income to save or invest. A great place to start is with your employer’s 401k or 403b plan.

Many employers will match your contribution up to a certain percentage, automatically doubling your investment. Financial freedom is within reach if you just start saving and investing early enough because the power of compound interest snowballs small investments into sizable nest eggs over time. Learn to pay yourself first and you’ll eventually enjoy financial freedom that makes others envious.

4. Read your way to riches.

The rich have large libraries, while the poor and middle class have large televisions. If you want to earn more you have to read more.

Billionaire Mark Cuban, in his book How to Win at the Sport of Business, credits much of his success to reading, while Barrack Obama states that reading books played an indispensable role in his presidency.

African-American households watch more than seven hours of television per day. But, according to Dennis Kimbro, author of The Wealth Choice: Success Secrets of Black Millionaires, African-American millionaires read nearly two books per month.

Self-development guru Brian Tracey, further emphasizes the importance of reading. According to Tracy, “If you read only one book per month, that will put you into the top 1% of income earners in our society. But if you read one book per week, 50 books per year, that will make you one of the best educated, smartest, most capable and highest paid people in your field. Regular reading will transform your life completely.

Simply put, if you want to go far in life, turn off the television and pick up a book.

5. Surround yourself with like minded people.

“Try to never be the smartest person in the room. And if you are, I suggest you invite smarter people, or find a different room.” – Michael Dell, Entrepreneur and founder of Dell Computers

It is often said that you are the average of the five people you hang around the most. Spend the majority of your time around people with little drive and ambition, and you too will tend to become lazy and uninspired.

That is why it is crucial to spend time with those who want more out of life. Surround yourself with people that encourage you instead of criticize your every idea or disparage your every dream. Find those that inspire you to become a smarter and more successful version of yourself.

BMWK, how many of these habits are you doing right now?

About the author

Alonzo Peters wrote 287 articles on this blog.

Alonzo Peters is founder of MochaMoney.com, a personal finance website dedicated to helping Black America achieve financial independence.

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