Is Settling the Secret to a Lasting Relationship?

BY: - 28 Jun '17 | Marriage

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The topic of settling was discussed on a radio show I was listening to last week. In my opinion it depends on what you’re settling for.

We all know that no one is perfect and that your ideal mate won’t show up in your life wrapped in a nice and neat package with a bow and have every single thing you are looking for. There will be something your spouse does or doesn’t have as it relates to your “list”.

For some individuals they may have grown weary in trying to find the perfect partner and made a decision to accept the very next person that comes their way.  This decision typically leads to heartache down the road.

Relationship happiness comes when you truly make a love connection with the person you decide to marry. Settling and doing without what’s really important to you could easily lead to regret and unhappiness.

Settling and doing without what’s really important to you could easily lead to regret and unhappiness.

Of course you might have to settle on some things. For example, does your potential mate really have to be 6’3”? It might be a preference, but is it a deal breaker?  

It’s important to be careful not to settle on the things that matter most to you in your relationships, your deal breakers. The things you truly value in a relationship should never be compromised. We deserve to be happy and to have a relationship that honors us with love and respect.

Settling may not be the secret to a lasting relationship, but here’s what is:

Love. It’s where it all begins. Love is an action word that causes us as adults to make sacrifices and show up better. A relationship can’t survive if this is missing. I know some folks marry for all types of reasons, but have you ever seen how unhappy those people look who have settled for something other than love?

Honesty. Trust is everything in a relationship. A partner has to do what they say they’re going to do and be honest as it relates to the relationship and you. Having a partner who can’t be trusted will usually lead to disappointment.

Respect. I think Lauryn Hill says it best in one of her songs “Respect is just the minimum.” Every relationship I’ve seen succeed is one where respect is alive and well. Listening to one another, accepting and respecting each other’s thoughts and opinions is key to relationship success.

Attraction. It isn’t superficial at all to want to be attracted to the person you’re in a relationship with. From attraction comes intimacy and we all know how important intimacy can be to a healthy relationship.

Loyalty. The relationships that I’ve seen prosper most are the ones where both partners are invested in the relationship and fully committed to one another. Loyalty is about supporting one another through thick and thin.

I don’t think settling is the secret to a lasting relationship. We, of course, need to decide what we are willing to accept from our partners, as they won’t be perfect. But we should never compromise or settle on the things we truly value and that add to the joy we desire in our lives.

BMWK, do you think settling is the secret to a lasting relationship?

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 635 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit and


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