The Shy Girl’s Guide To Sliding Into His DMs Without Looking Thirsty

BY: - 13 Jun '17 | Relationships

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Do you have a social media crush and you’re wondering how to slide into his DM’s and start a conversation without looking too thirsty or desperate? Maybe you’re afraid he might already be married or you just don’t know what to say to him and you’re scared you’ll look ridiculous.

I got you girl!

Here’s the shy girl’s quick and easy guide to flirting on social media.


1. Create an authentic connection first

You can come across as a social media stalker if you just dive right into his DM before you’ve even sent a friend request. If he’s just a crush or someone you just met, spend some time liking, tweeting, and double tapping photos first. You’ll discover whether you have mutual interests and you’ll have something specific to talk about instead of just saying, “Hi, you’re cute!” And, you’re more likely to avoid being sent to the “message requests” folder.

2. Send a direct message when you know he’s online

You’ll feel anxious and awkward if you send a message at 1 am and it sits there for 3 days with no reply, because you’ll have no idea if he just didn’t see it, or he’s not interested. Instead, you should strike while the iron is hot!

If you noticed he just liked a photo or tweeted about something you like, you can slide into his DMs with something like, “I’m excited to see Wonder Woman too! You are so dope. Hi, I’m Kesha.” Sending a message while he’s online also gives you something real to talk about and you won’t come across as doing too much to get his attention.

3. Flirt with a meme

Don’t know what to say? Send a meme! Find something that fits your sense of humor and his interests. The goal is just to get him to open his messages, look at your profile and write you back. Think of it as a wink to get the conversation started.

4. Ask simple questions to find out if he’s single

Because you don’t want his wife to send you screenshots of your conversations with her man, asking you why you’re all up in his DMs, right? So ask hm a few simple questions, like, “What do you do in your downtime? Do you have family? What’s your favorite coffee shop in San Antonio?” Keep it casual, so you don’t look like you’re being nosey, but make sure you ask. Never assume!

5. If he’s single, take the conversation offline

If he doesn’t ask you first, then you need to open the door for him to ask you out by saying something like, “I wonder if I’d recognize you if I saw you walking down the street. We should meet up to find out!” Then let him make all the arrangements.

6. Don’t get too attached to the outcome

Flirting is all about being in the moment. If you’re scared of rejection, it’ll be hard to be your playful, fun self. If the first DM conversation doesn’t work out, just keep it moving.

You may be shy or consider yourself “old-fashioned.” But if you want to meet someone these days your flirting methods can’t be outdated. Go ahead, girl. Slide into the DMs! You may be one of the next “We Met On Instagram (Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter)” love stories.

BMWK, have you ever gone out with someone you met on social media? Who made the first move? 

About the author

Aesha Adams Roberts wrote 181 articles on this blog.

Dr. Aesha is a matchmaker, dating coach, speaker and author of the book, Can I Help A Sister Out: How To Meet & Marry The Man of Your Dreams. After years of making painful dating mistakes, she met & married her husband in 11 short months and has made it her mission to help women and men find and keep the love of their lives.


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Should I Divorce My Wife for My High School Sweetheart?

BY: - 14 Jun '17 | Marriage

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Dear Dr. Buckingham,

I was with my high school sweetheart for about 5 years off and on, but we were young and always broke up over childish things, but we always got back together. As a young man, I never looked at being in a relationship like average youngsters. I was really thinking about marriage and who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

Well she was who I saw myself spending the rest of my life with because I was in love with her and felt like I knew her almost like I knew myself and vice versa. But in college we separated over something I can’t even remember why and eventually I ended up getting married.

I wasn’t ready to get married, to be honest, and felt a little pressured. Nevertheless, I love my wife because she is a GREAT woman. The problem I have is this…I feel connected to my high school sweetheart and I ignored the fact that I wasn’t over her nor ready to get married.

That feeling and thought came back almost a year ago and I can’t shake it. It’s messing up my marriage because my heart is telling me I should be with my HS sweetheart. I know that this is wrong logically because I’m already married and my wife and I have a child together.

My wife and I have discussed this over and over and basically it’s up to me to make the decision. I just don’t want to make the wrong decision because I’ve never been through this before. I’m 22 and just want to be happy and want everyone else to be happy as well.

Should I Divorce My Wife for My High School Sweet Heart?

Confused in Love


Dear Confused in Love,

Thank you for contacting me. You provided great detail about the nature of your confusion, but not enough for me to provide a thorough response. I would like to know why you feel so connected to your high school sweetheart and what was the connection based on? I often remind individuals that there is difference between lust and love. I am not sure of what your infatuation with your high school sweetheart was built on. Knowing this can help because, developmentally speaking, one would question whether or not you all were mature enough to have a sustainable relationship.

It sounds like you are a little impulsive, indecisive and somewhat emotionally immature. I make this comment not as a judgment, but because you stated that you broke up with your high school sweetheart several times and felt a little pressured to marry your wife, although you were not ready. Also, I made the aforementioned comment because I wanted to shed light on some things that I believe you need to work on before making any decisions. Lastly, I advise you to never make major life decisions while in emotional distress.

Some people say that the heart does not lie. They also say, “If you feel it is most be right”. I highly recommend that you think heavily about this because we can mentally convince ourselves to justify our emotions even if they are unhealthy. I often tell people that they should not do what their mind cannot handle. What we feel and what we think does not always align, but a confused mindset will always contribute and/or cause confused emotions. You have to get your mind right before you can get your life or relationship right.

I commend you for wanting to make everyone happy, but unfortunately it appears that several individuals will be impacted by your decision to stay or leave. The battle between your heart (high school sweetheart) and your mind (great wife) should be fought in therapy. You need someone to help you process.

I highly recommend that you seek professional counseling. Because you want to do the right thing by all that are involved.

Best regards,

Dr. Buckingham

If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to

Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.

About the author

Dwayne Buckingham wrote 219 articles on this blog.

Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham, author of Qualified, yet Single: Why Good Men Remain Single and Unconditional Love: What Every Woman and Man Desires in a Relationship, is a highly acclaimed international clinical psychotherapist, life coach, relationship and resiliency expert, motivational speaker and corporate consultant. He is also the President and Chief Executive Officer of R.E.A.L. Horizons Consulting Service, located in Silver Spring, Maryland. To learn more about Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham visit his website at


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