5 Crucial Communication Tips to Achieve Oneness in Your Marriage

BY: - 3 Jul '17 | Communication

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I don’t know how many times this has happened. My husband will be talking with someone and suddenly find himself at a loss for words. He knows what he wants to say, but he’s not quite sure how to say it. Then, I will pipe in and finish the thought, phrase, or sentence for him. We look at each other, nodding in agreement that we’re both on the same page. Some who don’t know us might wonder if it’s some kind of superpower. It wasn’t always that way in our relationship. But ours is not unique.

Most relationships that reach the point of oneness don’t start out that way. Not to get preachy, but the Biblical phrase “the two shall become one flesh” is a pretty well-known phrase on the wedding circuit. It’s just that many couples don’t realize that the road to oneness is messy. Often times, the culprit involves some form of failed communication.

  • There are potholes, or arguments, meant to root out selfishness.
  • There are speed bumps that should force you to slow your roll and leave sarcasm at the door.
  • There are sharp curves filled with hurtful words that remind you to proceed with caution.
  • And there are signs galore that warn you if you’re saying too much and going over the limit.

So with all of that, can couples possibly achieve the oneness they often hear preachers talk about during their wedding ceremony? While there is no one size fits all method to every circumstance, here are five crucial communication strategies that makes two becoming one not only possible, but fun.

Oneness in Prayer

Yes. I’m starting out with something spiritual. If you’ve ever seen a happily connected couple, you know there’s something about their relationship that you just can’t explain. Their oneness just seems to be on a different level. Usually, that means it’s a spiritual one.

Couples who achieve next level oneness don’t get there by accident.

In a battle, there’s nothing like knowing the person in the bunker next to you knows what you’re fighting for. That’s what praying together does. It connects partners together in a spiritual war so that no matter what comes their way, they rise and fall together. We hear all the time that marriage takes work. That work starts and ends with prayer. Praying together just ensures the chord of three strands remains unbroken.

Click Here to Download: A Scripture a Day: 31 Scriptures to Protect Your Marriage

Oneness in Goals

Do you have goals for your marriage? I don’t mean your personal goals. I mean your marriage goals. Couples who achieve next level oneness don’t get there by accident. They put pen to paper and map out a plan to ensure success regardless of pitfalls along the way. They talk through:

  • Family goals
  • Financial goals
  • Spiritual goals

In fact, they go one step further. Because they take the time to discuss and solidify the direction of their marriage, they know how to help each other stay the course through any and every distraction.

Oneness in Responsibility

Once you put a road map in place, you need to identify and capitalize on individual gifts that will help you achieve those goals. Who will be responsible for the laundry? Who will pick up the kids from school? Who will manage the household budget? Not to be contradictory, but the Bible also says that “two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.” Ecclesiastes 4:9.

While two becoming one is a matter of the heart, two are better than one when responsibility and teamwork are in play. Oneness in responsibility doesn’t just happen. It requires taking time to assess each other’s strengths and weaknesses and put them to good use in your relationship.

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Oneness in Intimacy

I’m pretty sure it goes without saying that a consistent and monogamous roll in the hay is up there on the list for many people who get married. Sexual beings like sex. That’s kind of par for the course. But, oneness in intimacy goes so far beyond just the act of sex. Two people becoming one flesh in the bedroom starts long before the clothes come off.

On a daily basis, are your words thoughtful and kind? Do you flirt with your spouse like you did when you were in pursuit, or when you were dating? Have you learned their love language and do you speak it fluently? In order to get toe curling thrills in the bedroom, learn to meet each other’s needs outside of it.

Oneness in Respect

Thanks to Aretha Franklin, we all pretty much know how to spell respect. And, according to her song, we need to “find out what it means” to each other. You see, spelling it and practicing it are two different things. As the song suggests, it’s important to know what your partner deems respectful or disrespectful.

Don’t assume that because something doesn’t bother or hurt you, it won’t bother or hurt your spouse. It’s not only important to treat them the way you would want to be treated; treat them the way they want to be treated. Only then can respect truly be on a two way street.

Look, taking your marriage on the road to oneness is not meant for the faint at heart. It’s true that the ability to finish your spouse’s thoughts or sentences is a superpower. But it’s a superpower for marriages rich in communication. Hopefully, these tips will make for a much smoother ride.

BMWK, what communication strategies do you have that promote oneness in your marriage?

About the author

Joann Fisher wrote 139 articles on this blog.

Joann Fisher has been a writer and editor for both print and online newpapers and magazines for the last 10 years. She now serves as a Writer/Editor at BMWK and lead Editor for The Joy Network.


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16 of the Best Marriage Communication Tips All in One Place

BY: - 30 Aug '17 | Communication

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It goes without saying that one of the key components to a healthy and successful marriage is positive and effective communication. Without it, arguments run amok and the relationship heads south fast. Increasingly though, more than 50% of marriages today fall victim to poor communication and either end in divorce or are at the edge of the cliff, barely hanging on. It doesn’t have to be that way.

When it comes to using the right words and striking the right tone whether in casual conversation or problematic discussion, a little training can go a long way. It’s not always easy to forego raw emotion for a measured, yet honest, response.  So, we’ve taken some time to compile a list of some of the best communication techniques that have kept couples happy and marriages strong.

  1. Trade in the clap back for the clap up. It can be so easy to go negative on your spouse, especially if they don’t want to do things your way. Instead of being quick to bring them down, take time to lift them up. Remind yourself of some of the most amazing reasons you fell in love and jumped the broom with your mate.
  2. Remember the silent treatment has its place. When appropriately used, taking the time to think about what to say and when to say it can save you a lot of heartache. Make sure you indicate to your partner you aren’t ignoring them but that you just want to take some time to think things through.
  3. Add a dose of compassion to your listening ears. Often times in conversation, we listen only to respond. As a result, we fail to feel the conflict working its way through our spouse’s heart. Place yourself in their shoes and let compassion be your guide.
  4. Call it like they see it, but it won’t be easy. If you take a moment to see things through your partner’s eyes, you can admit you are in the wrong and not lose anything. Adjust your thinking and you’ll be able to see things from their point of view.
  5. Don’t let issues sit and fester. Talk the talk. While it’s good to take some time to think things over, too much time leads to complacency – and that never leads to anything good. Deal with things as they arise or eventually suffer the consequences.
  6. A little seasoning goes a long way. Words…have power. You know it. Your spouse knows it. So even when things get challenging, season your words with kindness. Add a dab of love and a pinch of sensitivity to a strong critique and your mate will find it much easier to swallow.
  7. Keep your conversation age appropriate. It is not cool to talk down to your spouse as if you are addressing your five year old child. Regardless of whether or not they are quick to understand your frustration, treating them like a child or resorting to infantile behavior or name calling won’t help. Stay grown.
  8. To text or not to text should not even be a question. These days, it’s important to offer this advice. When a heavy duty conversation is needed, having it via text is not wise. Let’s just leave it at that.

  1. Chitty-Chitty Bang Bang isn’t just a movie anymore. On some level, this feels sneaky. However, some of the best and most effective discussions happen after sex. The mood is right. Attitudes are checked. A willingness to cooperate is present. Need we say more.
  2. Signed, Sealed, Delivered is communicating outside the box. Sometimes, when you want to be heard and not interrupted, a well thought out and clearly written letter to start things off can do the trick. Your partner can respond in kind, giving you the opportunity to hear them without interrupting as well.
  3. Everyone has a tell. In a marriage, the EYES tell it. If your words say one thing and your eyes say another, you won’t be believable. Your spouse wants to understand you and meet your needs so giving them the side eye while declaring nothing’s wrong won’t get you anywhere.
  4. There’s a time and place for everything. Whether good or bad, uplifting or challenging, there is a time and place for everything. True enough you can’t always plan out every discussion. But when you suspect there’s a tough one ahead, wait for the appropriate time and place before diving in.
  5. One issue at a time is enough. For particularly challenging discussions, raising more than one issue at a time can be a major blow to your efforts. Keep it simple.
  6. Make the connection between past and present. Sometimes your partner is unable to see things from your point of view. Period. A gentle reminder of a similar hurt from their past is a helpful way to connect their pain to yours.
  7. Figure out what works for your spouse. What’s good for the goose may not necessarily be good for the gander. Figure out what form of communication your spouse responds to best…and do that.
  8. Keep it spiritual if you want it to last. All of the above is easily achievable if you approach your spouse with a spiritual mindset. Treat them the way you would want to be treated and watch God work.


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Don’t let your marriage become a casualty because of poor communication skills. Take the time to practice any or all of the above. Use these tips not only for challenging conversations but for uplifting and positive ones as well. If you forget or if something doesn’t work, then come back to this article and find the one(s) perfect for you and your spouse!

BMWK, have you tried any of these communication tips? Which ones work for you?

About the author

Joann Fisher wrote 139 articles on this blog.

Joann Fisher has been a writer and editor for both print and online newpapers and magazines for the last 10 years. She now serves as a Writer/Editor at BMWK and lead Editor for The Joy Network.


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