His Lips, Her Hips, and These Tips Keep Romance Alive When Life Takes Over

BY: - 17 Jul '17 | Intimacy

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Walk past most magazine racks in the grocery store and you are bound to be inundated with headlines boasting the “latest” or “hottest” or “kinkiest” bedroom tricks for couples eager to get it on. Let’s face it. Keeping the mood sensual and the marriage bed beguiling is tough to do. For some couples, the honeymoon takes a backseat as life rears its necessary head after the first few months of wedded bliss. Before you know it, any energy to romance beyond the hit it and quit it release gets snatched up by:

  • Work hours that get longer
  • Her penchant for waking up early
  • His side hustle that keeps him up late
  • Kids, kids, kids

When a husband calls or texts his wife throughout the day, her heart – and body – warms up.

Soon, everyone’s testy and no one’s in the mood for love. So how can you keep the romance ripe when life is constantly in the mix. Notice I said romance. Let’s lay out some tried and true relationship hacks that make intimacy a priority whether you’re a newlywed or whether you tied the knot a long time ago.

His Lips

I don’t think it will come as a shock to anyone that a wife loves it when her husband talks to her. But when her husband calls or texts his wife throughout the day, her heart – and body – warms up. You see, by taking the time to communicate with his wife, he lets her know a few things:

  • She’s still the center of his world
  • She’s a source of encouragement and comfort in his crazy world
  • He misses her when they’re apart
  • He loves her
  • Her world matters to him

TNMWomanCellPhoneYeah, I know. Can one phone call do all of that?  There’s a reason communication tops the list for many women when it comes to making a relationship work. She doesn’t need a lot of his time. She just needs his thoughtfulness. The words that come from her man’s lips provide the kind of comfort and assurance throughout the day that she gladly takes into the bedroom at night. Then, everybody’s happy…smiles all around!

Her Hips

Wives, men are visual creatures. They were when you first met and chances are, that hasn’t changed. So, walking around in granny pajamas and night cream will definitely put the romance on ice. But I don’t think that’s news to anybody either. However, the one area where wives often lose traction and bring romance to a halt is in their daily general appearance: Did she take a shower today? Did she comb her hair? Is she still wearing those holey shorts and dirty T-shirt?

When a wife invests time and effort in her appearance, and pays attention to how her dress falls on her hips, it tells her husband a few things:

  • She loves him enough to put in the effort
  • She’s confident and happy in her marriage
  • She respects him and is proud to be his wife
  • He still turns her on and she wants him to know it

I know that seems like a lot. But when her confidence is high, a wife’s hips get loose. She feels sexier so she dresses sexier and acts sexier.  From the time he sees her in the morning, her husband can’t wait to feel the sway of her hips at night. He doesn’t need Beyonce, just the knowledge that he’s making his woman happy. Then, everybody’s happy…smiles all around!

These Tips

While those all sound well and good, his lips won’t communicate and her hips won’t sway unless both husband and wife do the following in their relationship:

  • Practice gratitude daily
  • Extend the grace
  • Talk through challenges. Don’t let them sit and fester.
  • Go out on planned and unplanned dates.
  • Make their marriage a priority.
  • Pray specifically about your romance
  • Deny themselves in those moments they don’t feel like giving it up

So, while the magazine racks are full of advice on how to spice things up in the bedroom, his communication, her confidence, and their consistency should not be overlooked. They don’t require kinky toys or gymnastics skills. If ignored, they send romance packing. But  enriched, they ignite the kind of passion that will last a lifetime. Then, everybody’s happy…smiles all around!

BMWK, What ways and how often do you cultivate romance in your marriage?

About the author

Joann Fisher wrote 154 articles on this blog.

Joann Fisher has been a writer and editor for both print and online newpapers and magazines for the last 10 years. She now serves as a Writer/Editor at BMWK and lead Editor for The Joy Network.


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Is Being in a Sexless Marriage Grounds for a Divorce?

BY: - 25 Jul '17 | Intimacy

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Dear Dr. Buckingham,

I have been with my husband for 25 years, married for 19. We have three kids (21,18,13). After having my last daughter, something changed with me. I want sex all the time. The problem is, it’s like I have to beg my husband for sex. Most of the time it’s like I’m begging my own husband for sex.

He works two jobs, getting up 5 days a week at 4 o’clock am. So I understand he is tired. But I’m not asking for it every night, just enough to know that he still finds me attractive. I have often expressed my hurt feelings. He apologizes, but then it happens all over again. At this point I’m thinking of a separation. Would I be wrong? Is Being in a Sexless Marriage Grounds for a Divorce?


Feeling neglected

Ask Dr. Buckingham

Dear Feeling neglected,

I am sorry that you feel neglected and are sexually frustrated, but I am not sure that giving up on your marriage is the best solution at this time. Physical intimacy is important, but it is not uncommon for sexual intimacy to decline after many years of marriage. In my professional work, I have counseled hundreds of couples who have had sexual challenges in their marriages, especially in the later years.

Sexless marriages evolve from several situations to include, but not limited to, the following:

  1. Failure to make time for each and other
  2. Sexual dysfunctions such as premature ejaculation, pain during intercourse, etc.
  3. Natural aging (body changes)
  4. Low libido (caused by a decrease in testosterone levels in men)

Please be mindful that sex is not just a mental or emotional thing. When sexual intimacy is absent, other things might be present that include some of the interpersonal, physiological, and psychological challenges mentioned above.

If you want to increase sexual intimacy in your marriage, here are three tips that might be helpful.

Schedule Sex Time

You stated that your husband works a lot and is probably tired. Given this, speak with him about times when he feels most energetic and horny. If you want to have sex on a regular basis in your marriage make sure that you maximize your time. I understand that both men and women prefer having spontaneous sex, but scheduled sex is better than no sex.

Scheduled sex takes pressure off individuals because they do not have to worry about trying to perform when they are not in the mood. Bad sex creates anxiety and individuals dread sexual interactions. When you schedule sex time each person has the opportunity to mentally prepare, which could lead to a sexual escapade.

Visit a Medical Doctor with your Husband

Your husband could have testosterone problems and do not know it. Testosterone is a hormone that is responsible for the development of male sexual characteristics. It promotes healthy sexual drive (libido) in men. When a man’s testosterone level dips below 300 nanograms per deciliter, his desire for sex will also dip. Your husband could probably benefit from testosterone injections.

Speak with a Sex Therapist

I often find that couples do not fully understand the many challenges that can cause and/or contribute to a sexless marriage. With this in mind, I often recommend that they speak with therapists who specialize in sex issues. Such therapists can help you and your husband come up with reasonable solutions that can help with reconnection.

Physical intimacy is important, but it is not uncommon for sexual intimacy to decline after many years of marriage.

Remember that sexual gratification is difficult to acquire and sustain if mental and physical health is not present. Your desire to be gratified physically should be secondary to your desire to understand and connect with your husband. Also, remember that behavioral change does not last with pressure, but with passion. Your husband has to find passion in your bedroom in order to perform.

Implement the three tips listed above and I promise you that your understanding of your sexual challenges will be enhanced. Seek understanding before you seek a divorce.

Best regards,

Dr. Buckingham

If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com

Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.

About the author

Dwayne Buckingham wrote 216 articles on this blog.

Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham, author of Qualified, yet Single: Why Good Men Remain Single and Unconditional Love: What Every Woman and Man Desires in a Relationship, is a highly acclaimed international clinical psychotherapist, life coach, relationship and resiliency expert, motivational speaker and corporate consultant. He is also the President and Chief Executive Officer of R.E.A.L. Horizons Consulting Service, located in Silver Spring, Maryland. To learn more about Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham visit his website at www.DrBuckingham.com.


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