How Can We Keep Our Marriage Steamy While Parenting?

BY: - 11 Jul '17 | Intimacy

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Dear Dr. Buckingham,

My husband and I are arguing often because of our parental and marital obligations. We both realize that we have to take care of our 3 children, but we are feeling more distant. Our marriage is slowly fading into the wrong direction. We are having trouble balancing our responsibilities. How Can We Keep Our Marriage Steamy While Parenting?

Wife and Mother

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Dear Wife and Mother,

Balancing marital and parental responsibilities is a challenge for many couples. When speaking with couples I remind them that their kids would not exist without them. I offer this simple reminder to encourage them to never allow their union to be second place. This might sound cruel or insensitive regarding their parental responsibilities, but God ordinated marriage so that we could procreate and live in accordance with his law.

Parental responsibilities should not override marital responsibilities. In my book, “99 Ways To Make Your Marriage Last Forever,” I provide couples with strategies that help them sustain the love that built their relationship. Scheduling time to enhance your marriage should be on your priority list just as well as scheduling time to spend with your children.


I truly believe that we make time for things that are important to us. We make time to complete professional obligations and should also make time for marital obligations. You can keep your marriage steamy by making sure that you and your husband schedule date nights and find time to meet each other needs. Time management is the key to sustaining a steamy marriage while parenting.

Having kids is a blessing and so is raising them in a healthy and prosperous marriage.

Best regards,

Dr. Buckingham

 

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If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com

Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.

About the author

Dwayne Buckingham wrote 191 articles on this blog.

Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham, author of Qualified, yet Single: Why Good Men Remain Single and Unconditional Love: What Every Woman and Man Desires in a Relationship, is a highly acclaimed international clinical psychotherapist, life coach, relationship and resiliency expert, motivational speaker and corporate consultant. He is also the President and Chief Executive Officer of R.E.A.L. Horizons Consulting Service, located in Silver Spring, Maryland. To learn more about Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham visit his website at www.DrBuckingham.com.

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His Lips, Her Hips, and These Tips Keep Romance Alive When Life Takes Over

BY: - 17 Jul '17 | Intimacy

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Walk past most magazine racks in the grocery store and you are bound to be inundated with headlines boasting the “latest” or “hottest” or “kinkiest” bedroom tricks for couples eager to get it on. Let’s face it. Keeping the mood sensual and the marriage bed beguiling is tough to do. For some couples, the honeymoon takes a backseat as life rears its necessary head after the first few months of wedded bliss. Before you know it, any energy to romance beyond the hit it and quit it release gets snatched up by:

  • Work hours that get longer
  • Her penchant for waking up early
  • His side hustle that keeps him up late
  • Kids, kids, kids

When a husband calls or texts his wife throughout the day, her heart – and body – warms up.

Soon, everyone’s testy and no one’s in the mood for love. So how can you keep the romance ripe when life is constantly in the mix. Notice I said romance. Let’s lay out some tried and true relationship hacks that make intimacy a priority whether you’re a newlywed or whether you tied the knot a long time ago.

His Lips

I don’t think it will come as a shock to anyone that a wife loves it when her husband talks to her. But when her husband calls or texts his wife throughout the day, her heart – and body – warms up. You see, by taking the time to communicate with his wife, he lets her know a few things:

  • She’s still the center of his world
  • She’s a source of encouragement and comfort in his crazy world
  • He misses her when they’re apart
  • He loves her
  • Her world matters to him

TNMWomanCellPhoneYeah, I know. Can one phone call do all of that?  There’s a reason communication tops the list for many women when it comes to making a relationship work. She doesn’t need a lot of his time. She just needs his thoughtfulness. The words that come from her man’s lips provide the kind of comfort and assurance throughout the day that she gladly takes into the bedroom at night. Then, everybody’s happy…smiles all around!

Her Hips

Wives, men are visual creatures. They were when you first met and chances are, that hasn’t changed. So, walking around in granny pajamas and night cream will definitely put the romance on ice. But I don’t think that’s news to anybody either. However, the one area where wives often lose traction and bring romance to a halt is in their daily general appearance: Did she take a shower today? Did she comb her hair? Is she still wearing those holey shorts and dirty T-shirt?

When a wife invests time and effort in her appearance, and pays attention to how her dress falls on her hips, it tells her husband a few things:

  • She loves him enough to put in the effort
  • She’s confident and happy in her marriage
  • She respects him and is proud to be his wife
  • He still turns her on and she wants him to know it

I know that seems like a lot. But when her confidence is high, a wife’s hips get loose. She feels sexier so she dresses sexier and acts sexier.  From the time he sees her in the morning, her husband can’t wait to feel the sway of her hips at night. He doesn’t need Beyonce, just the knowledge that he’s making his woman happy. Then, everybody’s happy…smiles all around!

These Tips

While those all sound well and good, his lips won’t communicate and her hips won’t sway unless both husband and wife do the following in their relationship:

  • Practice gratitude daily
  • Extend the grace
  • Talk through challenges. Don’t let them sit and fester.
  • Go out on planned and unplanned dates.
  • Make their marriage a priority.
  • Pray specifically about your romance
  • Deny themselves in those moments they don’t feel like giving it up

So, while the magazine racks are full of advice on how to spice things up in the bedroom, his communication, her confidence, and their consistency should not be overlooked. They don’t require kinky toys or gymnastics skills. If ignored, they send romance packing. But  enriched, they ignite the kind of passion that will last a lifetime. Then, everybody’s happy…smiles all around!

BMWK, What ways and how often do you cultivate romance in your marriage?

About the author

Joann Fisher wrote 121 articles on this blog.

Joann Fisher has been a writer and editor for both print and online newpapers and magazines for the last 10 years. She now serves as a Writer/Editor at BMWK and lead Editor for The Joy Network.

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