3 Lifeline Communication Tips for a Healthy Christian Marriage

BY: - 21 Aug '17 | Faith

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By: Kimberly Keaton

Let’s all admit it. Communication can be challenging. But, the truth is, it does not have to be a lost cause in our marriages.  In particular, when it comes to Christian marriages, it should be even more edifying. The lifeline of a healthy Christian marriage is successful communication the way God intended.

The Bible tells us to be kind, compassionate, and forgiving towards one another.

The phrase “men are from Mars, women are from Venus” definitely holds true when it comes to the way we think and react. Acknowledging that men and women communicate differently is the first step towards having a healthy and fulfilling marriage.  My husband Shaun and I are thankful that we learned this early on in our marriage.  When we realized that communication was so much more than talking, other areas of our marriage began to fall into place.  So, here are three tips to help you better communicate with your spouse.

Don’t Listen to Reply, Listen to Understand

Fighting and arguing will never get you anywhere but ten steps behind.  In marriage, there is never a winner and a loser.  In Mark 10:8, the Bible tells us that “two will become one flesh.” That means that you’re in this TOGETHER!  Sure, you are going to have disagreements. How you handle them will be the determining factor in the outcome.  So, you either win together or you lose together.  Remember that the Lord gave us two ears and one mouth so listen twice as much as you speak.

Understand Your Spouse

God has blessed you with your spouse, so spending time with them and understanding their likes, dislikes, and how they think should be a priority.  Maybe they love words of affirmation or maybe they feel your love through actions.  Whatever those things are should be used in your daily interaction with one another.  Even understanding their triggers will help you to know how far to go and when enough is enough.

Remember, we do not always see things through the same lens.  Put yourself into your spouse’s shoes and determine if it’s how you would want to be treated.  More importantly, ask yourself if you’re handling the situation with a Godly mindset.  There is nothing better than truly knowing the person that you signed up to spend the rest of your life with.

Always Be Ready to Forgive

Forgive. In other words, follow the old saying of “never go to bed angry” with one another.  Don’t give into the enemy because your ego or pride takes over. Holding on to a situation will only add fuel to the fire and create havoc for the future.  The Bible tells us to be kind, compassionate, and forgiving towards one another.  Forgiveness is a word that carries so much power and can be extremely difficult for some to grasp, especially during times when emotions are high.  Of course, it can be hard for us to let things go and move on, but with consistent prayer, it will become easier to leave things in the past.

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So, I challenge all couples who proclaim to have a Christian marriage to become even more engaged with God’s word and with one another.  Focus on keeping God at the core of your marriage.  Always be ready to listen, forgive, and pray to God for guidance and wisdom.

BMWK, How’s the communication in your Christian marriage?

About the Author: Kimberly Keaton is a former gifted teacher turned WAHM (work at home mom) with a one and two year old. She lives in Indianapolis with her husband and high school sweetheart Shaun. They have been married for five years. You can follow her on Twitter at Kimberly (@TheRealKim_K) | Twitter.

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BMWK Staff wrote 1231 articles on this blog.

Content and articles from the staff and guest contributors of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com

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20 God-Centered Tips for a Successful Christian Marriage Outside of Church

BY: - 31 Aug '17 | Faith

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Going to church when I was a kid was fun. I mean, I got to see my friends and make jokes in the pews and eventually learn a thing or two in Sunday school. I got to see the different roles people had and learned to respect their service in the church. But, I remember one of the first times the image of one of the women I looked up to got twisted.

She was one person I thought was really close to Jesus. Her daughter and I were good friends and on one particular Sunday, I was invited to their home after church. Her husband did not go to church so that was my first time meeting him. Honestly, I don’t remember much more about the visit besides the following.

FREE DOWNLOAD: 31 Days of Scripture to Protect Your Marriage

Whatever the reason, she and her husband didn’t see eye to eye. This woman, who I just knew was personal friends with the Lord, cussed her husband up one side and down the other. I can still feel myself looking at her in complete shock. The woman who stood before me giving her husband the business was completely different from the woman who praised the name of the Lord at church. I couldn’t believe my eyes and my ears.

I have since learned that not every person who claims to love God is willing to approach marriage from His perspective. However, for those who choose to embrace the principles of Christianity that are important to a true “Christian” marriage, the following tips should be useful.

  1. Love the way God loves us should be an easy concept to grasp for Christians. 1 Corinthians 13 pretty much lays out the kind of love that God desires for our relationships. Marriage is no exception.
  2. Remember that Christ is the head of your relationship. By keeping this in mind, you won’t be so quick to push for what YOU want but rather what GOD wants in and from your marriage.
  3. Submitting to one another is not as tough as it sounds.  At times, putting your partner’s wants and needs above yours is more than just a good idea. It’s Biblical, and straight out of Ephesians 5:21.
  4. It’s good to speak the truth; just don’t forget the love.  As a Christian, it’s important to tell the truth in your relationship. But to do so without tact or compassion is not a good look if you claim to follow Jesus. Check out Ephesians 4:15
  5. Being a peacemaker goes a long way towards a healthy marriage. Matthew 5:9 tells us that peacemakers are called “children of God.” As a child of God, always seek out ways to establish peace rather than havoc in your marriage.
  6. Practice self denial even though it’s hard. When you deny yourself for your spouse, you gain a greater gift in your marriage. Matthew 16:25 promises life to those who deny themselves for Christ’s sake. So watching the chick flick with your wife when you don’t feel like it can actually strengthen your marriage.
  7. Pray together as much as possible. While one of the most challenging things for Christian couples to do, this is one of the most effective. Matthew 18:19-20 reminds us of the importance of two people agreeing in prayer.
  8. Learn to forgive  – It’s not easy to let stuff go when you have been hurt. But, Colossians 3:13 encourages us to forgive as we’ve been forgiven.
  9. Do not keep a record of wrongs – This is not only harmful, but it is a waste of time. Take heed to 1 Corinthians 13:5 and give your energy to uplifting your marriage.
  10. Spiritual intimacy is about more than just praying together. Discuss the things you pray about with your spouse and worship God together. In Proverbs 31 we see a couple equally matched in their walk with God and it increased their level of spiritual intimacy. It can do the same for you.

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  1. Being faithful to your spouse should be par for the course. It should go without saying to stay true to your spouse and your marriage vows. But in case there’s some doubt, read, study, understand and implement Hebrews 13:4.
  2. Enjoy sexual intimacy as God intended. Sex and the Christian couple can be a beautiful thing when you are emotionally and spiritually connected. Enjoy Song of Solomon 4:10 and Matthew 19:5.
  3. Deal with your finances from a Godly perspective. Christian marriages are just as susceptible to financial strife as any other. Tackle the issue of money God’s way. Matthew 6:24-33 can clue you in.
  4. Don’t go to bed angry. This is easier said than done, even for Christians. But, it’s not impossible. Let Ephesians 4:26 be your guide to rid yourself of anger even if its cause lingers.
  5. Pursue righteousness in your relationship. You have a choice in your relationship of whether to pursue things that build it up or those that tear it down. When God comes first, Proverbs 15:9 tells why righteousness is the way to go.

  1. Be humble towards your mate and apologize quickly.The Christian heart should be sensitive to hurting others, much less your life partner. Own up to your mistakes as in Psalm 51:3.
  2. Sin shouldn’t get a pass in your relationship. Christian couples can form unspoken truces…”you leave me alone with my sin, and I’ll leave you alone with yours.” To help each other grow, and without being judgmental, call sin out when you see it.
  3. Allow God’s Spirit to work in your marriage. When Christian couples allow God’s Spirit to work, there’s an emotional connection they experience that helps to lead to the success of their union. See Ephesians 5:17-18
  4. Lead by example just as Jesus did. This one can be a little tricky for some couples.  Suffice it to say that doing the right thing doesn’t give you bragging rights. It just means you’ve taken 1 Corinthians 11:1 to heart.
  5. Work daily towards unity in your marriage. Colossians 3:13-14 should be the go-to scripture for Christian marriages. It just about covers it all but wraps it up nicely with the importance of unity.

There are so many other scriptures and principles that can be used as a blueprint for a healthy Christian marriage. But hopefully, this list will serve as a great place to start.

BMWK, what principles and scriptures have you found useful in building a successful Christian marriage?

About the author

Joann Fisher wrote 111 articles on this blog.

Joann Fisher has been a writer and editor for both print and online newpapers and magazines for the last 10 years. She now serves as a Writer/Editor at BMWK and lead Editor for The Joy Network.

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