How Can I Win My Boyfriend Back?

BY: - 22 Aug '17 | Relationships

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Dear Dr. Buckingham,

I’ve been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years. He has put me first and treated me like a queen. But I took advantage of that and he is fed up with me. Now that I have realized my wrongs and my bad attitude, he wants a break from me.

He says not to contact him and be strong, but I feel like my world has come to an end. I feel like I’ve lost the best thing that has ever happened to me.

The last few days, he has lied about working though I find out he’s been going out with his friends. I don’t know what to do. How Can I Win my Boyfriend Back? Please help.

Ungrateful Girlfriend

Ask Dr. Buckingham

Dear Ungrateful Girlfriend,

Sorry to hear that you lost love because you were not able to recognize it. Unfortunately, I hear a lot of women talk about how difficult it is to find love and often wonder if they cannot find love or just do not know how to recognize and appreciate it. Nevertheless, here are three strategies you can implement to win your boyfriend back. I am not guarantying that they will help you win your boyfriend back, but I have seen them work in other relationships.

Do Not Express Desperation

Generally speaking, men like women who are confident and are assured of themselves. Also, men like to commitment. With this in mind, express that you are committed to working on yourself and are committed to him and the relationship. However, do not come across as being desperate, which involves begging, pleading, crying and telling him that you are emotionally unhealthy.

And whatever you do, please do not give him the impression that you cannot live without him. This can potentially cause him to feel pressured and resentment could sneak in the relationship if he takes you back out of pity. Continue to live your life and express appreciation for attention that is given without being overly dramatic.

Make a Commitment to Self-Growth

The most effective way to persuade someone that you are relationship worthy is to focus on self-growth. Your ex-boyfriend will probably not give you a second chance just because you say that you were wrong. Acknowledging your shortcomings is one thing, but to work on them is another. Make a commitment to personal development. Engage in activities that enhance your self-awareness, mind, character and self-esteem.

You might be asking why did I mention self-esteem. Glad you asked. I mentioned self-esteem because a woman who chases a good man way probably has self-esteem issues. Some might be full of themselves and others might not think highly up themselves. Either way, your self-esteem probably affected your relationship. Commit to working on you before you expect someone to commit to you.

Give Him Space and Be Patient

When he was thinking about you, you were not thinking about him in the same way. Now, he probably needs some time to think about the relationship. If you want a chance at saving your relationship, give him space. Please do not jump into panic mode and try to pressure him because you are feeling insecure. The best thing that you can do is to be patient. Also, I would encourage you to think about the phrase, “Patience is a virtue.” The ability to wait without getting angry or desperate is a valuable quality.

Additionally, avoid having deep conversations about how you are feeling without him. Instead, show him how much you enjoy being with him when given the chance. Let him miss you while you work on you. Some people believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I agree. If he really loved you, I believe that he will return to you. However, you should highly consider “working” on you before you try “working” on the relationship. Finding love is sometimes easier than keeping it.

Best regards,

Dr. Buckingham

If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to

Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.

About the author

Dwayne Buckingham wrote 220 articles on this blog.

Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham, author of Qualified, yet Single: Why Good Men Remain Single and Unconditional Love: What Every Woman and Man Desires in a Relationship, is a highly acclaimed international clinical psychotherapist, life coach, relationship and resiliency expert, motivational speaker and corporate consultant. He is also the President and Chief Executive Officer of R.E.A.L. Horizons Consulting Service, located in Silver Spring, Maryland. To learn more about Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham visit his website at


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5 Undeniable Signs There is Still Hope for Your Failing Marriage

BY: - 24 Aug '17 | Marriage

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Recently, I learned of a couple who, after 40 years of marriage, were struggling to keep their relationship afloat. Needless to say, I was shocked. And, while I have no intention of judging their situation, I do wonder where things went wrong. To be honest, it scared me. The good news is that they weren’t just throwing in the towel. Somehow, they managed to hold a finger on the pulse of their relationship and found signs of life. All is not lost.

Typically, when a marriage reaches critical condition, couples usually see two options, fight or flight. Those who choose to walk away fail to see any possibility of revival. In their eyes, the marriage has run its course and it’s time to bring the relationship to an end. On the other hand, those who choose to stay and fight recognize important vital signs that indicate there is hope for their marriage after all.

Whether its one year, 10 years, or 40 years, never give up on the time invested in a relationship meant to last a lifetime.

If you are in a troubled relationship and find your marriage on the rocks, here are some telltale signs that your love is still worth fighting for.

Respect is Still a Two-Way Street

Even though things are rough in the relationship, your communication still carries a respectful tone as you try to alleviate some of the hurt you are both currently feeling. Neither spouse is willing to belittle the other for the sake of winning an argument. When a conversation gets heated, you both still manage to purposely refrain from saying the ugly and nasty things that tend to destroy rather than build up a relationship. And you do that out of respect.

Consideration is Still in the Building

Neither of you is willing to just rush off and do your own thing regardless of what the other has planned. Despite the friction, thoughtfulness is demonstrated. You discuss potential plans before committing with a third party. And, out of consideration, you still deny yourself of certain things or behaviors you may enjoy if you know they irritate your partner. And you do that out of consideration.

Serving Your Spouse Still Gives You Pleasure

Regardless of what’s going on, once in a while, you still manage to rustle up some buttermilk pancakes, eggs, bacon and a fresh cup of coffee for your wife. You know how much she loves your cooking and it’s always given you pleasure to serve her in this way. Or, maybe getting his clothes prepped for work is one of your favorite things to do for your husband. Whatever the opportunity, taking care of your spouse has not lost its cool.

You Still Think of Them When You’re Apart

It could be as simple as driving past a park where you once went on a walk with your spouse. Or, maybe your company lunch takes place at a restaurant where you and your wife had your first date. Maybe someone tells a joke that your husband told you a few years back. Whatever the reason, you can’t help but think of your spouse when you’re apart. You find yourself having random thoughts that still manage to bring a smile to your face.

You Still Have a Case of the “No One Else’s”

It may sound quirky, but no matter how rancid the relationship gets, you know there’s hope when you still have a case of the “no one else’s.”

  • No one else makes me laugh as much as he does
  • No one else turns me on like she does
  • No one else is allowed to see your vulnerable side
  • No one else is given the chance to pursue you

While it’s certainly true that it’s still possible for a relationship to fizzle out despite these signs, chances are it’s got a better chance than not of making it when they are present. If you find any or all of them still exist in your marriage, seek out the kind of help that will cheer your relationship on and nurture it back to good health. If allowed, the love you once had and lost can once again be revived and you may even discover new ways to keep it going strong. Whether its one year, 10 years, or 40 years, never give up on the time invested in a relationship meant to last a lifetime. Look for signs that there is still hope then do what is necessary to keep it alive.

BMWK, if your marriage is struggling, do you see signs of hope?

About the author

Joann Fisher wrote 157 articles on this blog.

Joann Fisher has been a writer and editor for both print and online newpapers and magazines for the last 10 years. She now serves as a Writer/Editor at BMWK and lead Editor for The Joy Network.


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