3 Heart Strong Ways to Stay True to Your Vow of Celibacy

BY: - 4 Aug '17 | Relationships

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For a long time, celibacy was seen as a thing for nuns and priests, you know, people of the cloth. Anyone outside of these life choices was viewed as having a few screws loose if they opted to join this club. So, here you are. You’ve decided to become celibate. But now you’re catching flack from everybody and their mama!

You hear things like:

  • “You’re crazy.”
  • “There is no way you’ll be able to do that.”
  • “What does your man think about it?”
  • “Just wait ’til the mood hits you, then talk.”

It won’t be the first time you will be faced with self doubt.  And you will feel, on a daily basis, as if you are fighting an uphill battle. On some days, the challenge will be internal. Staying true to your vow of celibacy will seem an impossible task. Every man will look fine. Every prayer will sound hollow. On other days, the challenge will be external. You’ll be asked out on a date every hour, on the hour, seven days a week. And they’ll all look like Denzel. All of them.

So, what’s a girl to do? When the naysayers attack and you’re not sure if you can trust your decision, arm yourself with these 3 important keys to successfully conquer your season of celibacy:

Remind Yourself Why You Made This Decision

Okay. Go ahead and pull out all of your research.  What were your reasons for making this decision? Are you a Christian? Was it for health reasons? You just don’t think you’re ready for sex? You just want to save yourself for marriage?

Whatever the reasons, you did the research. So now is the time to strengthen your resolve. Journal your experience daily.  On the harder days, find the entries where you were celibate strong and get inspired. On the easier days, thank God and keep on growing. Come what may, submit your fears to your greater purpose and stand firm in your convictions. This mindset will serve you well beyond your single and celibate days.

Surround Yourself With Friends Who Share Your Values and Convictions

Well, you don’t get to choose your family, but you do get to choose your friends. Ditch the ones who don’t have your back and find and befriend those who will champion your goals. There are many people out there who will support you. In fact, you may be surprised at just how many.

And you may also be surprised that you can become an influencer in the process. In fact, there may be some people on the fence who may come over to the purity side of life because of your example.

While it’s true that celibacy is ultimately a solo journey, having the right people in your corner to talk you off the ledge when the going gets tough is definitely a plus.

Believe You Can Do It

No matter how hard you are hit with negativity, you must believe that you can joyfully champion your season of celibacy. In life, celibacy will be a challenge. But, chances are, it won’t be your greatest. Personally, it prepared me for some doozies. And, aside from trusting God, it taught me to trust myself.

  • I learned that I was stronger than I thought.
  • I learned to love myself even more.
  • I learned that sex wasn’t the most rewarding part of a relationship.
  • I learned that if I upheld my commitment to celibacy, I could overcome just about anything.

So, when you begin to question your ability to survive a season of celibacy, remind yourself why you started, make friends who will share your convictions, and believe in yourself!

BMWK, how else can you stay true to your vow of celibacy?

About the author

Joann Fisher wrote 103 articles on this blog.

Joann Fisher has been a writer and editor for both print and online newpapers and magazines for the last 10 years. She now serves as a Writer/Editor at BMWK and lead Editor for The Joy Network.

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3 Tips to Turn Your Failing Marriage Around

BY: - 7 Aug '17 | Relationships

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Were you deeply in love with your spouse when you got married? Most people are. Here is the person who you have taken the time to get to know, appreciate, adore, and then love. A future together feels right. So, you take the leap. You jump the broom. You join the club. And, for a time, aside from the occasional dust up typical of newlyweds, you feel blessed to have found “the one.”

Then, some form of lightning strikes and blows the whole thing up. Out of nowhere, disaster hits and your relationship is wholly unprepared to handle it.

  • Maybe it’s an illness.
  • Maybe it’s the inability to have children.
  • Maybe it’s infidelity.
  • Maybe it’s the loss of a child or family member.

The love that was once impenetrable now has to contend with the “worse” of “for better or worse.” You both feel ill equipped to deal with the fallout, so you seek advice from the advice givers and counseling from the counselors. But no matter where you turn, you are still left wanting. All the while, your marriage is crumbling beneath its once rock solid foundation. Your world of bliss has transformed into a world of disaster and you don’t know how to find your way back.

Even as you are trying to find your way back to love, other things will vie for your attention.

Well, I won’t tell you I have all the answers. Maybe your marriage has come face to face with Clubber Lang and ended up with a bloody lip and eyes swollen shut. You know you are in for the fight of your married lives and the prediction is “pain!” But before you give up and throw in the towel, I want to remind you of one thing. Love never fails. Remember the love you had at first and use these three tips to turn your marriage around.

Focus on the Love, Not on the Problem

Without a doubt, one of the easiest traps a troubled marriage falls into is the non-stop reference to the “issue”” in the relationship. Even though it’s major, and even though it needs to be addressed, an incessant acknowledgement of the problem won’t help to fix it. In fact, that does more harm than good. Instead, place the issue to the side for a moment and just start being nice to each other once again.

  • Make him a cup of coffee when you make your own
  • Open her car door when traveling together
  • Start a journal of things you love about your spouse, then share it with them

These things won’t be easy to do at first. But plant the seed, water it, then watch it grow.

Develop Relationship Strengthening Habits

Even as you are trying to find your way back to love, other things will vie for your attention. It could be work, or the kids, or your parents, or debt. They will all be clamoring for first place on your schedule and tempting you to push your marriage to the side. A great way to combat that is to develop relationship habits for which there are no compromises.

  • If date night is Tuesday, then the boss has to reschedule his mandatory meeting or have it without you.
  • If you have a set counseling session, then help your mom with her grocery shopping on a different day.
  • If a client calls with an urgent problem, remember, there’s nothing more urgent than getting and keeping your marriage on the right track.

Don’t let anything interfere with the good things you are doing to save your marriage. It’s just that simple.

Stay Plugged-in to Each Other’s Needs

As things progress and the relationship starts turning, it’s imperative you remain completely connected to your spouse. Whatever the issue, your marriage began to fall apart the moment you two become emotionally and spiritually unplugged. Take the time to find the balance of intimacy and passion in your relationship. Small talks over breakfast and surprise lunch dates will open heartwarming lines of communication. Late night talks in bed can serve to bring you closer in more ways than one. Remember, this fight isn’t won or lost in one round. It’s important to stay the course and go the distance.

BMWK, In what ways do you fight for your marriage and turn it around?

About the author

Joann Fisher wrote 103 articles on this blog.

Joann Fisher has been a writer and editor for both print and online newpapers and magazines for the last 10 years. She now serves as a Writer/Editor at BMWK and lead Editor for The Joy Network.

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