My Fiancé is Dating Another Woman. Do You Think That I Should Marry Him?

BY: - 12 Sep '17 | Relationships

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Dear Dr. Buckingham,

I have this boyfriend that I have been dating for almost three years now and we are planning to settle down. Recently, I found out that he has been dating several females. He told me that he could date several women because I have not made up my mind to marry him. After I told him that I was ready to marry him I found out that another girl called him and told him that she misses him. To make a long story short, he is dating her as well and told her to call him at work because he has a wife. My Fiancé is Dating Another Woman, Do You Think That I Should Marry Him?

Thanks,

Need Advice

Ask Dr. Buckingham

Dear Need Advice,

You are not in a healthy relationship and you definitely should not move forward with the marriage. Any man who dates several women and lies about it is not marriage material. Please be mindful that how a man treats you prior to marriage is a reflection of how he is likely to treat you after marriage. He asked you to marry him but decided to keep his options open because you did not respond quickly enough.

Some people believe that you get what you deserve or settle for. I dislike this saying because people settle for a lot of things that are not good for them. This occurs mainly because they have not experienced what is good for them or are not sure about what they deserve. I am not sure of your dating experience, but I would highly recommend that you seek professional counseling so that you can gain a better understanding of what is good for you. Based on the fact that you are still entertaining marriage, you could clearly benefit from some guidance.

You have to learn when to compromise and when not to. For starters, never compromise your self-worth or dignity. If a man doesn’t find you worthy of honesty and respect, he does not deserve you. A man’s character or moral qualities is his blueprint. If he finds it morally acceptable to lie and to be deceitful, then he will probably find it morally acceptable to cheat and cover it up.

Move on and save yourself some emotional pain and distress. The way someone thinks typically influences how he or she behaves. Your boyfriend’s thinking is irrational and so is his behavior. In my opinion he is not a person of good character and is displaying what you will probably experience after you say I do. Do not fool yourself into believing that he is different than what he is showing you now. Maya Angelou once stated, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them, the first time.”

I wish you the best but, more importantly, I wish that a good man finds and loves you in the manner in which you deserve.

Best regards,

Dr. Buckingham

If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com

Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.

About the author

Dwayne Buckingham wrote 184 articles on this blog.

Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham, author of Qualified, yet Single: Why Good Men Remain Single and Unconditional Love: What Every Woman and Man Desires in a Relationship, is a highly acclaimed international clinical psychotherapist, life coach, relationship and resiliency expert, motivational speaker and corporate consultant. He is also the President and Chief Executive Officer of R.E.A.L. Horizons Consulting Service, located in Silver Spring, Maryland. To learn more about Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham visit his website at www.DrBuckingham.com.

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Tired of the On-Again/Off-Again Relationship? Here’s How I Got My Ex to Marry Me

BY: - 13 Sep '17 | Relationships

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By: Sharelle Guyton

During year six of my dead end, on again-off again relationship, I was losing hope that one day I would be blessed with the marriage and family that I desired. After another break up, the most troubling part was I felt this wasn’t just any ex. We both felt led to marry one another but our methods only caused destruction. I began analyzing the patterns of my past relationships and I was overwhelmed with sorrow.

The built-up frustration and sadness brought me to my knees and I began to pray. While praying, I felt a nudge to persevere and keep searching for a solution.

While on my quest for a brighter future, I found myself on a relationship advice website. I stumbled across a powerful tip titled the “30 Day No Contact Rule.” This rule suggests that instead of trying to fix your unhealthy relationship, you courageously walk away and eliminate all contact. By doing so for at least 30 days, your ex will start to pursue you and likely desire to rekindle your relationship.

CLICK HERE TO JOIN OUR FREE 5-DAY SPIRITUAL INTIMACY CHALLENGE

Immediately after reading the article I was not sure what result I would get by really walking away this time. I was not even sure if I wanted my ex back, but I figured having the option couldn’t hurt. There was nothing to lose and I was willing to try just about anything to get free. Without flinching, I left my broken relationship and began putting my focus on the one relationship that could make me whole – my relationship with God.

What happened next radically changed my life. The cycle broke once and for all and ultimately inspired my ex to marry me! Here were some key elements of my personal breakthrough:

I Regained the Power I Once Lost

By walking away I had already changed my life. I decided this was no longer what I wanted. There was no need to be held hostage in an unhealthy relationship. I could be free from the emotional turmoil on MY terms. I came to realize that no person should have that kind of power over my emotions.

I Began the Healing Process Immediately

Finally, I could breathe again. I began healing from past hurt and pain. There was no time for blame shifting or making excuses. I explored the areas of my life that were keeping me stuck in this cycle. I was no angel and knew there was a reason why I could not shake this pattern. I relentlessly prayed and asked God to show me the areas of my life that needed to change. Once they were revealed, I worked on them one at a time. As you can imagine, the list was LONG!

I Gained the Clarity I Needed

I could now see! I gained clarity, not only in the areas of my life that needed improvement, but it was revealed that I was going about marriage preparation all wrong. After walking away, it was now clear that I was attempting to replace my emotional voids with the idea of marriage and family instead of with a genuine relationship with God. Once I sincerely put Him first, everything else began to fall into place.

On my self-growth journey, my ex became attracted to the person I was becoming. He asked that we give it one last try. This time, it was on my terms and I could make a wise decision about whether I truly wanted to be with him. We spent about six months becoming new and whole separately. Now married a year and a half and in a healthy marriage with a beautiful 8-month-old son, the rest is history – most importantly, so is the brokenness!

Watch “How I Got my Ex to Marry Me” below to hear more about the 30 Day No Contact Rule and how it changed my life.

About the Author: Sharelle Guyton has a Master’s degree in Human Development and Family Studies and is currently earning a PhD in the same field at the University of Delaware. Sharelle enjoys sharing her journey to marriage and the knowledge she has acquired with single and married women alike. She and her husband have a son and currently live in Silver Spring, MD. Follow her on Instagram @sharelleguyton and subscribe to her YouTube channel, relationshiftTV.

About the author

BMWK Staff wrote 1231 articles on this blog.

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