Tired of the On-Again/Off-Again Relationship? Here’s How I Got My Ex to Marry Me

BY: - 13 Sep '17 | Relationships

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By: Sharelle Guyton

During year six of my dead end, on again-off again relationship, I was losing hope that one day I would be blessed with the marriage and family that I desired. After another break up, the most troubling part was I felt this wasn’t just any ex. We both felt led to marry one another but our methods only caused destruction. I began analyzing the patterns of my past relationships and I was overwhelmed with sorrow.

The built-up frustration and sadness brought me to my knees and I began to pray. While praying, I felt a nudge to persevere and keep searching for a solution.

While on my quest for a brighter future, I found myself on a relationship advice website. I stumbled across a powerful tip titled the “30 Day No Contact Rule.” This rule suggests that instead of trying to fix your unhealthy relationship, you courageously walk away and eliminate all contact. By doing so for at least 30 days, your ex will start to pursue you and likely desire to rekindle your relationship.


Immediately after reading the article I was not sure what result I would get by really walking away this time. I was not even sure if I wanted my ex back, but I figured having the option couldn’t hurt. There was nothing to lose and I was willing to try just about anything to get free. Without flinching, I left my broken relationship and began putting my focus on the one relationship that could make me whole – my relationship with God.

What happened next radically changed my life. The cycle broke once and for all and ultimately inspired my ex to marry me! Here were some key elements of my personal breakthrough:

I Regained the Power I Once Lost

By walking away I had already changed my life. I decided this was no longer what I wanted. There was no need to be held hostage in an unhealthy relationship. I could be free from the emotional turmoil on MY terms. I came to realize that no person should have that kind of power over my emotions.

I Began the Healing Process Immediately

Finally, I could breathe again. I began healing from past hurt and pain. There was no time for blame shifting or making excuses. I explored the areas of my life that were keeping me stuck in this cycle. I was no angel and knew there was a reason why I could not shake this pattern. I relentlessly prayed and asked God to show me the areas of my life that needed to change. Once they were revealed, I worked on them one at a time. As you can imagine, the list was LONG!

I Gained the Clarity I Needed

I could now see! I gained clarity, not only in the areas of my life that needed improvement, but it was revealed that I was going about marriage preparation all wrong. After walking away, it was now clear that I was attempting to replace my emotional voids with the idea of marriage and family instead of with a genuine relationship with God. Once I sincerely put Him first, everything else began to fall into place.

On my self-growth journey, my ex became attracted to the person I was becoming. He asked that we give it one last try. This time, it was on my terms and I could make a wise decision about whether I truly wanted to be with him. We spent about six months becoming new and whole separately. Now married a year and a half and in a healthy marriage with a beautiful 8-month-old son, the rest is history – most importantly, so is the brokenness!

Watch “How I Got my Ex to Marry Me” below to hear more about the 30 Day No Contact Rule and how it changed my life.

About the Author: Sharelle Guyton has a Master’s degree in Human Development and Family Studies and is currently earning a PhD in the same field at the University of Delaware. Sharelle enjoys sharing her journey to marriage and the knowledge she has acquired with single and married women alike. She and her husband have a son and currently live in Silver Spring, MD. Follow her on Instagram @sharelleguyton and subscribe to her YouTube channel, relationshiftTV.

About the author

BMWK Staff wrote 1259 articles on this blog.

Content and articles from the staff and guest contributors of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com


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The Key to Achieving Forever Closeness With Your Spouse

BY: - 15 Sep '17 | Marriage

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Do you desire to be closer to your spouse? If you do, then do you know what that really means? Let me start by saying that the generic idea of this article, ways to be “close” to your spouse, can be Googled and found all over the internet. Whether it’s spiritually close, physically close, emotionally close, all of the above and then some, neither the concept nor the answers offered typically yield much of anything new. So, why add to the pile? Well, I’m hoping you walk away with something a bit different this time.

Anyone who’s been married any length of time will tell you that closeness with anyone, in this case your life partner, takes time to develop. But there are couples who may achieve a high level of closeness in a year while it takes others ten times that to get to the same level. To an outsider looking in, they appear to be doing the same things…you know, following the advice of other articles:

  • Have a date night each week
  • Write encouraging notes/text messages
  • Vacation without the kids
  • Be open and vulnerable with them
  • Treat them the way you want to be treated

Those suggestions are great and are truly just the tip of the iceberg. But let’s take a look at two key elements to being close to your spouse that are rarely, if ever, mentioned.

Nurture Your Energy

Okay, Joann. What kind of psycho-babble is this? I know right. But before you dismiss the caption above as nonsense, allow my near 16 years of marriage to explain. There is no doubt in my mind that my husband loves me and would do absolutely anything for me. In some form or another, he demonstrates it every single day. But, even with all of that love, there was a point in our marriage when things got seriously rocky.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped loving myself. I don’t mean full blown depression or anything like that. I mean, dreams I once had became futile. Passions I once embraced lost their appeal. The person I promised to grow into was no longer important. The woman my husband married was now an empty shell void of self care, passion, and joy. Half the energy it took to make our marriage work was being sapped away and my husband, nor could any man, carry our relationship on his own. The distance between us was all-encompassing and seemed to widen everyday.

If you can relate, then you recognize that the shift back to life begins only when you begin to nurture yourself from the inside out once again. Begin your journey back by being honest about where you are and how you got there. Then begin to get close to yourself again. Get close to your passion. Get close to the things that bring you joy. Get close to your talents. Everyday, set aside time to be with your best friend…you.

Once I chose me over everything else, my outlook, and ultimately my energy, was almost palpable. As a result, I could now give my husband the chance to bridge the gap and be close to me. This leads me to what comes next.

Nurture Your Spouse’s Energy

This part is easier, quicker, and more fun to explain. Taking care of yourself first means that you will give yourself what you need to take care of, love, and be close to your spouse. Both internally and externally, couple’s feed off of each other’s energy. Once you have your mojo back, it becomes exponentially easier to share it while equally allowing yourself to feed off of your mate’s.

In my case, once I reinvigorated and began to nurture my own energy by taking care of me, I found my passion and joy and I began to grow into the woman my husband married all over again. As a result, the pathways to physical, emotional, and spiritual closeness reopened. The things that held us back from truly being close could be cast aside and the suggestions offered by all the other articles became no-brainers.

I truly believe the key to closeness with your spouse is found in how well you treat yourself. I’m sure the idea is not as sexy as you had hoped, but it’s real, and it begins the forever closeness you long for with your spouse.

BMWK, what are some ways you can take care of yourself first?

About the author

Joann Fisher wrote 156 articles on this blog.

Joann Fisher has been a writer and editor for both print and online newpapers and magazines for the last 10 years. She now serves as a Writer/Editor at BMWK and lead Editor for The Joy Network.


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