19 Things Confident Women Just Don’t Do In Relationships

BY: - 11 Oct '17 | Relationships

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Men love confident women and when they are looking for the lady of their dreams, it’s one of the top qualities they desire. I feel you rolling your eyes, girl, because you may be thinking to yourself: Yeah right! These brothers out here are intimidated by women who are smart, successful and secure (and you’ve probably even had a guy act funny around you because of what you do for a living).

But the truth is, when men say they want a mate who is confident, they’re not talking about your ability to crush your career goals. They’re talking about being secure in who you are, what you need, and how you communicate it all – in a loving, but direct way.

This kind of confidence comes from knowing your worth as a woman. When you’re a secure woman who walks in her worth, there’s little drama in your relationships. Yes, there will be problems you have to solve and conflict you need to resolve, but that “here-we-go-again-she’s-about-to-snap-or-shut-down” type of drama isn’t the norm in how you deal with each other. 

So let‘s talk about 19 things you should never do if you want to be a confident woman who can get the love, respect and “I-can’t-live-without-you” commitment from a good man: 

1. Call or text him every couple hours to make sure you’re on his mind if you haven’t heard from him in a few days
2. Drop your plans when he calls last-minute
3. Wait 48 hours to reply to his text so you don’t look too needy
4. Leave in the middle of a fight hoping he’ll follow you and apologize 
5. Make him feel jealous to get his attention 
6. Give him the cold shoulder when he says something you don’t like
7. Keep quiet to keep the peace even if you don’t agree with what he’s doing
8. Criticize him 
9. Snap, cuss him out, or act hostile toward him
10. Pulling away when things are going well because you feel scared
11. Nitpick on small imperfections like how he dresses or his body shape as a way to push him away
12. Keep score and playing tit for tat; noting the date and time of each conversation; paying attention to how long it takes him to return your calls; and then throwing it all in his face 
13. Threaten to leave each time there’s a problem (but secretly hope he’ll chase you)
14. Act busy or unapproachable when he tries to make up with you
15. Make excuses for his bad behavior even though it’s hurtful
16. Get involved with someone knowing there’s no future possible with him (he’s married or doesn’t ever want to be married)
17. Keep him guessing about your true feelings 
18. Stay in a relationship with someone who doesn’t (or won’t) meet your needs
19. Give ultimatums to get what you want 
Confidence in both partners sets the foundation for a healthy relationship. If you notice you are doing any of these insecure behaviors, it’s time to cultivate a newfound confidence and learn how to communicate your needs and desires to men in a brand new way.  When you do, you’ll discover the wrong men will step out of your life and the right man will move into your life! 

Let’s talk, BMWK: Did you see yourself on this list? If so, what’s one thing that needs to change in you so you can be more confident in relationships? 

About the author

Aesha Adams Roberts wrote 181 articles on this blog.

Dr. Aesha is a matchmaker, dating coach, speaker and author of the book, Can I Help A Sister Out: How To Meet & Marry The Man of Your Dreams. After years of making painful dating mistakes, she met & married her husband in 11 short months and has made it her mission to help women and men find and keep the love of their lives.


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The NFL Season is Turning Me Against My Husband. Am I Overreacting?

BY: - 17 Oct '17 | Marriage

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Dear Dr. Buckingham,

My husband and his friends range from 40-52 (All married or living with someone). During football season, they turn into drunken clowns and buffoons. They use the NFL as an excuse to drink excessively and hang out 8+ hours every Sunday. They all drink and drive and have a CDL license. I can’t take it anymore! Now it’s spilling over to Thursday nights coming home late from work. I’m sick of the Bro-love fest! I CANNOT go thru another NFL season. The NFL Season is Turning Me Against My Husband: Am I Overreacting?

Dallas, Texas

Ask Dr. Buckingham

Dear Dallas Texas,

You are entitled to how you feel about the NFL season and its impact on your marriage, so I do not think that you are overacting. Nevertheless, I do not believe that you will get the empathetic response that you desire from your husband if you present with name calling and belittling.

A large percentage of men watch football with the fellows on a regular basis because they need some escape time. They need to escape from work and other potential stressors in order to rejuvenate. Sometimes they over indulge in this activity, but not with the intent of neglecting their women. However, I have seen some husbands create disharmony in their marriages in order to preserve the “Bro-love fest”. Some women struggle to understand this phenomenon and often feel like their husbands care more about football and their boys then they do them.

The best way to approach the situation with your husband is to express your concerns about his safety and the increased distance in the marriage. Avoid talking about his commitment to football. If you begin with football talk and how much time he spends with his friends, he will probably become defensive and shut the conversation down. Your primary objective is to get him to listen to you and talk about the issue. The best way to accomplish this objective is to approach the issue from a team perspective. Let him know that you are on his team and want what is best for him.

The concept behind football is to work as a team. Working as a team requires good communication. Ask him if you all can talk about some concerns that you have and begin the conversation by asking questions instead of complaining. Such questions could include:

  • How do you think we are doing?
  • Are you aware of anything that could cause tension in our marriage?
  • If I could do one thing to make you happier what would it be?
  • Do you notice a change in my mood during a particular season?

The purpose of these questions is to get him to think about the marriage and to build a spirit of collaboration. You need him to be on offense, not defense during the conversation. As you end the conversation, give him solutions not ultimatums or a statement of terms. This is important because if he rejects your ultimatums, the result will be a further breakdown in the marriage.

Best regards,

Dr. Buckingham

If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com

Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.

About the author

Dwayne Buckingham wrote 219 articles on this blog.

Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham, author of Qualified, yet Single: Why Good Men Remain Single and Unconditional Love: What Every Woman and Man Desires in a Relationship, is a highly acclaimed international clinical psychotherapist, life coach, relationship and resiliency expert, motivational speaker and corporate consultant. He is also the President and Chief Executive Officer of R.E.A.L. Horizons Consulting Service, located in Silver Spring, Maryland. To learn more about Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham visit his website at www.DrBuckingham.com.


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