Blinded by Love? Ladies, Pay Attention to These 5 Signals Before Tying the Knot

BY: - 25 Oct '17 | Relationships

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Have you ever had one of your girlfriends come and tell you something about your man that you just refused to believe? He made a pass at them. He shoved somebody in the parking lot. He quit his job, again. Even though you saw him holding his “cousin’s” hand last week, and he barely missed your fingers when he slammed the door shut yesterday, and he just called to ask you to help with his car payment – again, there’s no way she is right. Right? Even though experience tells you these things are plausible, you  decide to ignore them because you believe you’re in love.

And what’s so wrong with that? Nobody’s perfect. I suppose that’s all well and good when you’re in a dating relationship heading to nowhere. But what happens when you decide that you want this thing you’re in to become your journey of a lifetime? It’s been said that flaws before you get married are magnified 100 times greater once you’ve tied the knot. That’s a heck of an increase. If it’s true, then what, and how much of it, are you willing to put up with for the rest of your life?

Not every flaw is a cause for alarm. But there are a few that deserve a second look before tying the knot.

Maybe you’re in a relationship right now and everything’s coming up roses. The emotional unrest caused by his occasional public tantrums are placated by a kiss here and a gift there. Or, his laying on the couch all day is made easier by his laying the pipe all night. Whatever the fault, it’s easy to dismiss because, well, love. But the truth is, whether you hear it from me or your girlfriend, that kind of love won’t last. The signs pointing to a lifetime of bad husband are there. Wake up and pay attention.

To be fair, not every flaw should be a cause for alarm. But there are a few that deserve a second look before nuptials are exchanged and life becomes a hot mess. These are the ones women often discuss when talking about the things they wish they had known before they got married. So, ladies, don’t go to sleep on these 5 relationship signals all for the sake of love.

When Faced With Challenges, He…

Everyone has their way of dealing with life’s difficulties. Things don’t always turn out the way we hoped they would so we may be disheartened, disappointed, or upset. How does he handle those moments? The promotion he just knew was his has been given to a junior colleague and it’s a tough pill to swallow. Is he open about his struggles or does he stay out late drinking? Does he talk to you about his pain or is he calling up his ex? Take note of his pattern for dealing with the tough stuff and decide if you can handle it for the long haul.

When I Talk About God, He…

Granted, spiritual leadership isn’t important to every woman. But, if it’s important to you, don’t give your boyfriend a pass. Your relationship with God is important as a single woman. Once married, the idea is that you, your husband, and God become a chord of three strands not meant to be broken. So, if he has little to no interest in spiritual matters now, walk away. You won’t be able to change him unless or until he desires to do so. Oh, I know, I know. You will pray him into a relationship with God. Fine. Just do it before you get married. If you can’t, then choose to love God more and walk away.

When He Has to Take Responsibility, He…

This character trait looms large and can cover a lot of areas such as finances, work, relationships, and so much more. So what you’re looking for is his overall response when something has gone wrong and he was responsible for taking care of it. Does he point the finger to avoid any blame? Does he make excuses? Does he pass the buck on to someone else? Does he ignore it in hopes that it will go away? Does he man up and try to make things right? Whatever the attitude now will most likely be the attitude for a long, long time. If you plan to build a family and a life with him, make sure you’re with a man who’s got this on straight.

When He Gets Mad, He…

This one cannot be overstated. People express anger in different ways. Some display all out external fits of rage while others seethe internally. Either way, someone becomes their target. Is it you? And, if it is, how does he talk to you? Does he talk things out, walk things out, or fight things out? Does he ever get physically or verbally abusive? Does he seek guidance from a capable third party? As the counter to love, anger is as strong an emotion. Make sure you notice where and how he vents his fury.

When the Topic of Kids Comes Up, He…

If you want children, or don’t, make sure he feels the same way. No, I mean it. No further advice is necessary so I will just leave it at that.

Is it possible to have a happy marriage if you don’t get these right beforehand? Possibly. I can’t with all certainty say it isn’t. I just know that marriage is challenging enough without these battles to deal with. So if there’s a way to cut them off at the pass before you walk down the aisle, then do so. Don’t dismiss them only to complain later about “things you wished you’d known.” You don’t date to marry. You date to determine if he’s the one you should marry. So take the time to clear this things up now so you can truly enjoy your journey of a lifetime.

BMWK, what other signals should you be on the lookout for before jumping the broom?

About the author

Joann Fisher wrote 121 articles on this blog.

Joann Fisher has been a writer and editor for both print and online newpapers and magazines for the last 10 years. She now serves as a Writer/Editor at BMWK and lead Editor for The Joy Network.

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7 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage When Painful Experiences Try to Destroy It

BY: - 30 Oct '17 | Marriage

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We all know life is about finding happiness and experiencing joy. But as much as we know that, we also know life is about managing the inevitable: pain. None of us enjoy it, and many of us aren’t sure how to deal with it, but we know that we have to face it at some point. And even though many of us
know painful experiences will come and go throughout the course of our lifetime, we often aren’t as prepared for them as we should be.

As much as painful experiences can hurt, they don’t have to destroy your marriage. There is hope, and you can recover from the pain. It takes time and work, but it is possible.

Here are a few tips that can help you and your spouse begin the process of working through what
happened (or is currently happening) and help you create the marriage that you both deserve.

Accept what happened.

This may seem cliché, but the reality is that we cannot change the past. Hindsight is 20/20, and it’s easy to wish that things worked out differently, but we often have very little control over how our
painful situation came to be. And even if you did have control over it, it’s done, and beating yourself up over what you wish you did differently isn’t serving you or your marriage.

Express your emotions.

Try to find a way to express what you are feeling. Keeping it bottled up not only damages your marriage, but it can cause your harm and damage your strength of spirit, making it more difficult for you to deal with the next painful experience that may come along. If you just can’t talk to your spouse yet, write a letter and hand it to him or her. If you aren’t ready for that, consider a counselor or a pastor, so you can ensure that what you say is confidential, but you have an outlet to get it off of your chest.

Forgive.

Easier said than done, I know. However, forgiveness really does set you free, and it enables you to move on. Having trouble with forgiveness is normal, but if you are truly unwilling to forgive, you have to ask yourself if you really want your marriage to work. Release the anger, resentment, and
bitterness, and make the choice to forgive and move on.

Appreciate your differences.

Your spouse does not have to handle pain the same way that you do. Recognize that everyone handles pain differently, and as long as your spouse isn’t doing anything that may cause harm (e.g.
drinking, behaving recklessly, etc.), give them space to just be and figure things out for a bit. Forcing someone to manage pain the way that you do can potentially cause him or her more pain.

Let go.

This may not apply, depending on what your painful experience is, but if you feel like your spouse did something wrong that has caused a great deal of pain and damaged your relationship, you will only be able to start a journey towards recovery if you are truly able to let go. Holding on to what was done wrong and bringing it up constantly shows that you haven’t forgiven and you simply are not ready to move on.

Practice empathy.

Empathy and sympathy are very different emotions. To express sympathy means that you feel sorry for what someone is going through. Empathy, however, means that you are taking the time to mentally place yourself in someone else’s shoes in an attempt to truly understand their pain and perspective. It is easy to show sympathy, but expressing empathy towards your partner does a lot more in terms of moving past the pain and working on your relationship.

Seek professional help.

Oftentimes, implementing all of the best strategies is not enough. Your relationship needs more. This is where professional help should become a consideration. Consider seeing a counselor or therapist to help you and your spouse work through the pain. Also, remember that you may need more than couples therapy. There may be a need for individual therapy as well. We have to strengthen 0urselves if we want to strengthen our marriages.

When you are in the midst of a painful experience, it’s incredibly difficult to recognize how much the experience will strengthen you. Yet, with time, perseverance, and hard work, most marriages can truly survive experiences that have the potential to break your spirit and leave you lost. Most
marriages can come out stronger with the right advice and a strong will to move forward and find joy again.

BMWK, for a more in-depth look at moving beyond the pain, get your copy of the E-book above!

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 496 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. To work with her, visit her at martineforeman.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.

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