If we are honest, those of us in one recognize marriage can be difficult. A couple should never lead others to believe that disagreements, arguments and, yes, frustration don’t exist in a marriage. Honestly speaking, sometimes married people just don’t get along. There’s no need to put marriage on this pedestal where it’s a bed of roses the moment we say “I do.”
For some, when we disagree, there is snapping, pouting, and even screaming. With the goal being to get a point across, be understood, and occasionally be victorious, some will do whatever is necessary. However, those reactions never benefit our relationship. So let’s discuss the healthy actions you can take to minimize the drama. The next time you quarrel with your spouse, you must stop, look, listen, and try some healthy actions instead.
Make sure it is what you think it is.
Get a clear understanding of the situation and examine all of the facts prior to reacting negatively. This can happen as a result of asking clarifying questions.
Discuss the situation with your spouse.
Don’t pretend whatever it is didn’t happen. The only way to deal with an issue is to acknowledge it exists. If it hurt you, tell your spouse, because, more than likely, that wasn’t the intent.
Question your initial response first.
Ask yourself, “Is what I am about to say or do reasonable, and am I possibly overreacting to the situation?”
Before you respond, start off by telling your spouse how much you love him or her.
Doing this sets the tone of the conversation and opens up both partners to having a healthy discussion.
If you are still able to civilly communicate and can control your voice levels, take the conversation to a new location.
Taking a walk to the backyard, a nearby park, or a restaurant may be helpful. A change of scenery
could positively affect the mood of the situation.
Get over it.
Once you have decided this dispute isn’t that big of a deal, move on.
Be honest about your contributions.
Ask yourself what role you play in the problem as well as the solution.
Initiate the peace by being the bigger person and apologizing first.
My husband taught me this one. He would often take the lead in apologizing
and making sure we got back to a happy place. Once I got over myself, I was
able to do that too.
Look for the lesson and apply it.
Every challenge is an opportunity to grow. Many of us miss this chance, and the cycle of confusion and conflict repeats.
Here are two scenarios of the same situation, tell me which you think would generate the best response.
“How many times have I told you to pick your socks up off the floor? Plenty! The
house looks a mess, you never want to help me, and it just pisses me off! You have
to clean up after yourself!”
“Babe, I picked your socks up off the floor in the bathroom. We have to remember
our goal of keeping our home tidy, warm, and inviting. It feels good when it’s clean, don’t you think?”
One of the conversations above will lead to a peaceful discussion of the situation, while the other will immediately put your partner on the defensive. One of these is solution-focused instead of placing blame and belittling. Remember you get more bees with honey. You must be gentle with your words, even when you’re upset or frustrated.
To learn more about keeping the peace when you fuss and fight in your marriage, get the E-book above.
BMWK, are you ready to keep the peace in your marriage?
like what you're reading?