Alone Doesn’t Have to Mean Lonely: Your Single for the Holidays Survival Guide

BY: - 13 Nov '17 | Relationships

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Just because you’re alone for the holidays, doesn’t mean you have to be lonely. Loneliness is a choice. I discovered this truth when I was nursing my wounds from a sudden breakup with my boyfriend right before Christmas. Although I’ve been happily married now for 11 years, I still remember the pain of discovering the guy I was dating had gone out with another girl, even though we had plans for me to spend the holidays with his family.

My roommate at the time didn’t want me to be alone as I cried my eyes out, so she made me her plus one to her Christmas Eve in the mountains at her grandmother’s cabin. I was surrounded by new friends and family, and they even got me a gift. But behind my smile, I still felt lonely. I didn’t understand that I could choose how I wanted to feel by choosing where I’d focus my thoughts. Instead of being present and enjoying the people who were giving me so much love at the time, I kept thinking about my ex and how he ruined my Christmas.

I don’t want you to miss out on creating amazing memories this holiday season just because you’re single, so I’m going to share 3 tips to help you not only survive but have an incredible holiday season.

#1 – Focus on changing your mindset instead of your relationship status

So many singles ask me how to get a boo before Christmas because they’ve set a goal to have love before the year is over (never mind the fact that they haven’t been on a date all year so they’re dating skills are a little rusty). I invite them to shift their mindset by setting intentions instead of setting relationship goals.

A goal is focused on reaching some target, and the only way to measure if you’re successful is to see the result. I want a man by New Year’s Eve is an example of a goal. The problem is you can’t control the dating process, and if you’re so attached to this timeline, you can get frustrated, anxious or disappointed if you end up single when you’re ringing in the New Year.

Set an intention instead of a goal. An intention focuses on how you want to feel while you’re working on an goal. Your feelings are the only thing you can control! So you could set an intention which sounds like this: “I choose to relax, be myself, and find the joy in every experience this holiday season.” You’ll have more peace, more confidence, and more excitement when you set an intention to do so!

#2 Say yes to invitations, galas, parties, and any excuse to get out the house

Even if you’re an introvert, I encourage you to say YES to party invitations more often during the holidays. Instead of watching Hallmark Christmas movies in your PJs and do-rag, get social! Saying yes helps you to maximize opportunities and get out of your comfort zone. Exchange your “why bother, there won’t be anyone worth meeting anyone” mindset for a “let’s see what will happen” approach.

#3 Reach out to other singles and plan an Empowerment Party

Sometimes the most powerful self-care happens when you practice it with your squad. Ditch those lonely weekends and plan an empowerment party with your single friends. In her book Sacred Pampering Principles: An African-American Woman’s Guide to Self-care and Inner Renewal, author Debra J. Gandy described the empowerment party her girlfriend planned to create a support system when she was launching a business.

Her friend sent out beautiful invitations and asked each guest to write a letter of encouragement for her that she’d save and read whenever she needed a pep-talk. They had a sleep over, enjoyed a beautiful meal, and then each friend read their letter aloud to her. Can’t you just feel the love?

Imagine if you hosted a party to encourage yourself and your single sister-friends? There’s no way loneliness could get you down if you knew your girls had your back!

Be intentional about creating the experience you want this holiday season. You may not have a boo by your side, but that doesn’t mean your relationship status has to dictate your happiness.

BMWK, tell me your intentions for this holiday season. I want to support and celebrate you! Post below

About the author

Aesha Adams Roberts wrote 174 articles on this blog.

Dr. Aesha is a matchmaker, dating coach, speaker and author of the book, Can I Help A Sister Out: How To Meet & Marry The Man of Your Dreams. After years of making painful dating mistakes, she met & married her husband in 11 short months and has made it her mission to help women and men find and keep the love of their lives.


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3 Simple Tips for Investing in Your Wife

BY: - 15 Nov '17 | Marriage

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Recently, I wrote an article offering 3 Simple Tips for wives to invest in their husbands. I was encouraged by the women, both single and married, who were already doing these things in their relationships or were looking forward to investing in their future husbands.

For many women, nurturing a relationship comes naturally. We are usually the ones who will step in and take care of the crying babies, sick parents, or hurting friends. As a result, we sometimes tend to neglect our own wants and needs. Before we know it, days, weeks, and years have passed and we realize the most precious thing we have lost is time. If you’re a husband who desires to invest in your wife, these three elements of time are sure to help her flourish.

Related Article: 3 Simple Tips for Investing in Your Husband

Take Time

I know the look on my husband’s face that tells me he doesn’t quite understand what’s going on with me. Whether I’m going through something deeply emotional or we are just not seeing eye to eye, the most important thing to me is that he takes whatever time is necessary to understand the page I’m on.

When a husband makes this kind of investment in his wife’s heart and mind, it sends the message that she is in a safe place to release the things that are weighing her down. By listening, asking a lot of questions. and not defaulting to “yes dear,” he at once confirms both his love and protection. Once the weight is off of her shoulders, she is then free to fix her eyes on the things that will make her and their relationship even stronger.

Give Time

Regardless of her station in life, a woman’s slate is usually filled meeting the needs of those closest to her. She typically squeezes her needs in somewhere by sacrificing such things as eating, sleeping, or just having fun. Having gotten used to living this way, even as a single woman, she brings this mentality into her married life. Often times, you hear of women who will set aside their careers or their dreams for the sake of their family. While there is ultimately nothing wrong with that choice, a husband can invest in his wife giving her time to accomplish her own goals and dreams. Here are some examples:

  • Find a babysitter
  • Encourage her to have a night out with her friends
  • Schedule a spa day for her
  • Make dinner twice a week
  • Get the kids showered and put to bed
  • Help the kids with their homework

By removing these and other items from her schedule, a husband sends his wife the message that her time is equally valuable and her dreams are just as important as his.

Share Time

A large part of a woman’s thoughts is devoted to making sure her man is happy. But life can sometimes get in the way. The husband who makes spending time with his wife a priority communicates that the health of their relationship is just as important to him as it is to her.  To invest in his wife’s spirit, he gives her some of the time he might want to give to football. Planning and taking her out on a date is not an afterthought but a desire. Initiating love making, not just a quickie, sends the message that his heart is still completely hers.

I know it may seem odd, but by willingly sharing his time, a husband reaffirms the love in their relationship and gives his wife the security she needs. She can then focus more easily on the other areas in her life that also bring her joy and help her blossom into the woman she longs to be.

Click Here to Join our FREE 5-Day Spiritual Intimacy Challenge

Husbands, time is the one thing that wives willing give without a second thought. Whether your wife is a stay at home mom, a career driven woman, an entrepreneur, or all of the above, she will gladly give her time to make sure she meets as many needs as is humanly possible. By taking time, giving time, and sharing time, you help her invest the one thing she will invest in others but rarely in herself. And for that, she will be forever grateful.

BMWK, are you investing in your wife?

About the author

Joann Fisher wrote 151 articles on this blog.

Joann Fisher has been a writer and editor for both print and online newpapers and magazines for the last 10 years. She now serves as a Writer/Editor at BMWK and lead Editor for The Joy Network.


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