Just because you’re alone for the holidays, doesn’t mean you have to be lonely. Loneliness is a choice. I discovered this truth when I was nursing my wounds from a sudden breakup with my boyfriend right before Christmas. Although I’ve been happily married now for 11 years, I still remember the pain of discovering the guy I was dating had gone out with another girl, even though we had plans for me to spend the holidays with his family.
My roommate at the time didn’t want me to be alone as I cried my eyes out, so she made me her plus one to her Christmas Eve in the mountains at her grandmother’s cabin. I was surrounded by new friends and family, and they even got me a gift. But behind my smile, I still felt lonely. I didn’t understand that I could choose how I wanted to feel by choosing where I’d focus my thoughts. Instead of being present and enjoying the people who were giving me so much love at the time, I kept thinking about my ex and how he ruined my Christmas.
I don’t want you to miss out on creating amazing memories this holiday season just because you’re single, so I’m going to share 3 tips to help you not only survive but have an incredible holiday season.
#1 – Focus on changing your mindset instead of your relationship status
So many singles ask me how to get a boo before Christmas because they’ve set a goal to have love before the year is over (never mind the fact that they haven’t been on a date all year so they’re dating skills are a little rusty). I invite them to shift their mindset by setting intentions instead of setting relationship goals.
A goal is focused on reaching some target, and the only way to measure if you’re successful is to see the result. I want a man by New Year’s Eve is an example of a goal. The problem is you can’t control the dating process, and if you’re so attached to this timeline, you can get frustrated, anxious or disappointed if you end up single when you’re ringing in the New Year.
Set an intention instead of a goal. An intention focuses on how you want to feel while you’re working on an goal. Your feelings are the only thing you can control! So you could set an intention which sounds like this: “I choose to relax, be myself, and find the joy in every experience this holiday season.” You’ll have more peace, more confidence, and more excitement when you set an intention to do so!
#2 Say yes to invitations, galas, parties, and any excuse to get out the house
Even if you’re an introvert, I encourage you to say YES to party invitations more often during the holidays. Instead of watching Hallmark Christmas movies in your PJs and do-rag, get social! Saying yes helps you to maximize opportunities and get out of your comfort zone. Exchange your “why bother, there won’t be anyone worth meeting anyone” mindset for a “let’s see what will happen” approach.
#3 Reach out to other singles and plan an Empowerment Party
Sometimes the most powerful self-care happens when you practice it with your squad. Ditch those lonely weekends and plan an empowerment party with your single friends. In her book Sacred Pampering Principles: An African-American Woman’s Guide to Self-care and Inner Renewal, author Debra J. Gandy described the empowerment party her girlfriend planned to create a support system when she was launching a business.
Her friend sent out beautiful invitations and asked each guest to write a letter of encouragement for her that she’d save and read whenever she needed a pep-talk. They had a sleep over, enjoyed a beautiful meal, and then each friend read their letter aloud to her. Can’t you just feel the love?
Imagine if you hosted a party to encourage yourself and your single sister-friends? There’s no way loneliness could get you down if you knew your girls had your back!
Be intentional about creating the experience you want this holiday season. You may not have a boo by your side, but that doesn’t mean your relationship status has to dictate your happiness.
BMWK, tell me your intentions for this holiday season. I want to support and celebrate you! Post below
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