After the Affair: 6 Faith Strengthening Scriptures to Help Restore Trust in Your Union

BY: - 2 Nov '17 | Infidelity

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Yesterday, I let you guys in on some of the crazy that happened to me and, quite honestly, some of the crazy that happens to anyone who finds their marriage embroiled in the aftermath of an affair. After the ugly crying and blame shifting were over, I could only do one thing, turn to God and His power. It was in that power that I was able to remember my faith and trust Him once again with my marriage. So, what kind of faith can God reignite in you in order to save your marriage when infidelity has rocked your world? Well, here’s what He did for me.

Guiding Faith

“Enjoy life with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun; because that is your reward in life and in your toil because you have labored under the sun” Ecclesiastes 9:9

When you marry with faith in God, you’re actually saying that you trust Him to guide your marriage in not only the good but the bad…and oh yes the ugly too!  Marriage is the epitome of faith from the very beginning to end, and while our logic and reasoning are required for effective problem solving, faith helps us to remember that we are not God.  A saving faith requires trusting God’s promises and plans for ourselves and definitely for our marriage.

CHECK OUT PART 1 OF AFTER THE AFFAIR HERE.

Powerful Faith

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares The Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

You must understand that faith and prayer are the most powerful tools and gifts given to every Christian couple.  Have you seen the movie “War Room”?  The key to unlocking this powerful tool is that you must not only believe in God, but believe in yourself through Him. When I applied my faith in this profound manner, I gained the power to turn my marriage around, and so did my husband.  Do you believe that you have the same exact power to do this too? You do!

Steadfast Faith

“I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, if anyone steadfastly believes in Me, he will himself be able to do the things that I do; and he will do even greater things than these, because I go to the Father.” – John 14:12

I’m blessed to read and know all the glorious miracles Jesus did, and to me the most glorious was that He CHANGED and changes people’s lives. Every miracle performed He did was to glorify the Father through life changing experiences. No matter how big or small every person Jesus encountered was forever changed.  Are you getting where I’m going with this?  See I realized He wanted to do the same in me and our marriage…and He did!  Don’t be conformed by this world but rather by the renewing of your mind. . Never forget how much He loves you and wants to work miracles in your marriage where there seems a lack.

Transformative Faith

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect” Romans 12:2

Faith works with patience. The more we intentionally go straight to God, and turn away from the urge of trying to figure out solutions on our own; the more we invite God to be at the center of our marriage and do what only He can do…perform miracles! Understand we are human and things become taxing on us where we want to give up at times, but when we Let Go and Let God we can have faith knowing there is nothing He can not handle.

Restorative Faith

” I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?” – Jeremiah 32:27

I want to lovingly challenge you to reflect on how you can use your faith and the strength that lies in it to manifest the power of God in your marriage today.  You already see per the above scripture that He wants your marriage to be transformed and restored prior to sin showing its ugly face in your marriage.  Don’t be afraid to make the necessary changes to yourself and start with having as much belief in yourself as you have faith. Allow both to grow within you. By doing so, you’ll see the beauty of marriage multiplied in ways you never imagined possible.

Unyielding Faith

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. – Ephesians 3:14–19

Learn how to affair-proof your marriage from this day forward with our FREE eGuide – 3 Ways to Rebuild Your Marriage After an Affair

God will continue to bless us as we praise him in the most high. Never give up on God because I promise you that he will never give up on you.  I wish you can see and feel my heart when I say…God is so good that I rejoice!!! I grew closer to God through my storm and put him first.  I trusted God’s judgment and believed in His will and He brought my husband & I back together stronger and more loving than I ever knew possible!

“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Mark 10:9

BMWK, Are you ready to allow your faith to help you restore your union?

About the author

Da-Nay Macklin wrote 47 articles on this blog.

Coach Da-Nay Macklin is a Certified Christian Life & Relationship Coach, founder of the Courageous Conquerors Mastermind and Author of Love After Adultery: The Breakthrough Journey of the Brokenhearted Available on Amazon She is one of the nation’s leading experts on infidelity and a thought leader on maximizing potential as she assists couples and individuals to live life by design and not default. Da-Nay has been has been featured on the Oprah Winfrey Network’s show Unfaithful: Stories of Betrayal after successfully navigating adultery in her marriage, and named one of the 15 most powerful women on the south side of Chicago. She now resides in Charlotte, NC with her loving husband and daughter.

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Can a Marriage Survive Infidelity That Results in Childbirth?

BY: - 7 Nov '17 | Infidelity

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Dear Dr. Buckingham,

I was reading one of your articles online at Black and Married With Kids. I have a question and/or need some direction on where to go for help in restoring my two year old marriage.

My husband told me of the affair two days post our annual anniversary trip with two other couples/friends. The news came to him by way of another couple that we know. A woman had a two-week-old baby that she claimed to be his. So he was basically forced to tell me before someone else did and said he had no knowledge of impregnating this woman.

It is okay to be confused. Whatever you do, do not compare your situation to anyone else’s.

He finally told me she was someone who works at the same place he works but in a different department. It’s so hard for me to believe that he hadn’t seen her at anytime since he had sex with her. Although I don’t believe she said anything to him about the pregnancy, because I think she wants to have him in the way I do. Her mother also works at the same place and told one of his family members that she didn’t tell him because of his situation but yet she told someone that knows our friends to make sure it gets back to both of us. Either way, it hurts. He claims it happened once and he made a terrible mistake, of course.

My question is, Can A Marriage Survive Infidelity that Results in Childbirth? Can my husband be trusted after putting my life on the line, having unprotected sex and also with this baby?

I know counseling is paramount but what type of counseling? Where do we look? Should I stay with him? Should he or I move out? I want to work things out but I’m not sure how to trust him. This will either make our marriage stronger or kill it. I’m confused.

Thanks in advance,

Betrayed and Confused Wife

Ask Dr. Buckingham

Dear Betrayed and Confused Wife,

First, thanks for reading my articles and having the courage to ask for guidance.

Second, I will begin by telling you to keep your ears closed to people who do not speak life into you or your situation. I say this because some family members and friends will not hesitate to tell you to leave. Of course leaving is an option, but you must determine what is the best option for you. If you had your mind made up about leaving, you probably would not have expressed confusion. Also, people should spend more time listening to you and helping you process your distress. Be leery of people who push their agenda on you without trying to understand your agenda. Lastly, it is okay to be confused. Whatever you do, do not compare your situation to anyone else’s. Every situation is different and as a result you might need to handle your situation differently.

Third, marriages can survive infidelity that results in childbirth. I have seen it happen and have also facilitated the process. Of course, the most difficult part is rebuilding and restoring trust. You asked, “Can My Husband be Trusted after Putting My Life on the Line by Having Unprotected Sex?” It is true that he put your life on the line. However, he also put his own life on the line. I mention this to highlight that his recklessness was not solely intended to hurt you. Anyone who places his or herself in harms way has deeper issues.

Trusting him again will require him to gain some insight on how he can trust himself. Before you make any harsh decisions, I highly recommend that you listen to his rational. If he does not feel that he can trust himself, you will not be able to trust him either. It is apparent that he committed a sin and violated his marriage vows. However, the “Why” is what you want to understand before taking action. He committed adultery. Why? He did not mention the affair. “Why Not?” Be mindful that you are not looking for an answer that will satisfy. Understanding his “why” is not about satisfying you; it is about gaining clarity. You need clarity to help you minimize your confusion. Once the fog is lifted, you can think, feel and act rationally.

Fourth, seek professional counseling from a therapist who specializes in grief, anger management, and mourning. These emotions and behaviors are normal for individuals who experience infidelity. The therapist can help you work through your distress. Also, consider combining some spiritual counseling as well. I found that individuals who combine secular and spiritual counseling are better equipped to move forward. Secular counseling keeps you grounded in reality and spiritual counseling reminds you of the importance of allowing the Holy Spirit to guide you. You can find psychotherapists like myself who provide both secular and spiritual counseling on Psychology Today.

Learn how to affair-proof your marriage from this day forward with our FREE eGuide – 3 Ways to Rebuild Your Marriage After an Affair

Lastly, Pray. I often remind individuals that regret happens when prayer does not. For some people, prayer does not resolve their emotional distress, but for others it is the pathway to God. Regardless of what happens between you and your husband, you must believe that each day can bring a new beginning. Listen to your heart and allow God to guide you.

Best regards,

Dr. Buckingham

If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com

Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.

About the author

Dwayne Buckingham wrote 191 articles on this blog.

Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham, author of Qualified, yet Single: Why Good Men Remain Single and Unconditional Love: What Every Woman and Man Desires in a Relationship, is a highly acclaimed international clinical psychotherapist, life coach, relationship and resiliency expert, motivational speaker and corporate consultant. He is also the President and Chief Executive Officer of R.E.A.L. Horizons Consulting Service, located in Silver Spring, Maryland. To learn more about Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham visit his website at www.DrBuckingham.com.

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