If you are single, successful and beyond ready to manifest the love you desire into your life in 2018, then there is one popular New Year’s Resolution practice you must abandon immediately: creating a vision board.
I know it sounds crazy coming from me, especially since I’ve shared that a vision board helped me meet and marry my husband in 11 short months. Vision boards can be a great tool to help you visualize your magnificent love story, but, according to recent research on the pitfalls of positive visualization, spending so much time and effort cutting and pasting images for your board can actually sap you of the motivation to take action to get what you want. You’re less likely to reach your relationship goals if you spend too much time fantasizing and not enough time dating.
So, this year, I want you to put away your scissors and glue and pick up these 3 tools instead if you want to make 2018 the year that you experience extraordinary love.
Tool #1 – Set A Love Intention
If you’ve never set a love intention, it’s time to do it now. Intentions are different from goals because they focus less on the outcome and more on how you choose to feel on your journey. Since you can’t control how or when you’ll meet your dream partner, setting goals like “2018 is the year I’ll get married” can set you up for failure. An intention, however, will carry you through any disappointments because you’ll focus on what you can control: yourself.
For example, your relationship goal might be “I want to be married in 6 months.” You start using online dating apps to meet men, and because you want to be married in 6 months, you rush through conversations, trying to close the deal on a date, like you’d close a business deal in your career. You overlook glaring red flags and 3 months later, the relationship falls apart. Now you’re feeling panicked (or maybe even hopeless) about getting married because you only have 3 months left to hit your goal. You might quit dating altogether, or repeat the cycle of getting attached to quickly because your focused on the outcome, not the journey.
A relationship intention will guide you through your journey and release you from anxiety that comes from holding on tight to a deadline. Your intention may be, “I choose to be my most authentic, joyful, feminine self in every interaction with men.” You’ll learn to maximize your opportunities to meet men, date, and build relationships based on your level of authenticity, and not on how much time you want your journey to take.
Tool #2 – The “I No Longer” List
You’ll need to learn how to do relationships in a new way if you want a love-filled new year. An effective way to discover where your breakdowns are with men is to become a student of your past choices. It’s tough to look at your mistakes, but when you remember that the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing expecting a new result, you’ll embrace this tool wholeheartedly.
Grab a pen and paper and write across the top: “I No Longer.” Then, think about the challenges you faced in past relationships, the obstacles you let stop you from dating in 2017, and all the things you put up with in love and fill in the blank. I no longer __________.
Your list may look something like this:
I no longer…
- Work 80 hours per week so that I can’t go on a date
- Believe love “just happens.” I know I’ve got to take some actions to meet my future husband
- Silence my voice to make the other person happy
- Ignore red flags
- Pretend I don’t want to be married and stay in a relationship for years without a commitment
Get the picture? With this list, you raise your standards for yourself and create new boundaries that will protect your intention to manifest love in the coming year.
Tool #3 – Create a Confidence Wall
A confidence wall is a collection of inspiring words, phrases and affirmations to keep you motivated on your journey to love and commitment. You can create one using an at-a-glance calendar and a stack of multi-color sticky notes. Write an affirmation like “I am worthy of love” on your pink post-it note, and tape it to your calendar. Then write a power word like “Passion,” on your purple note and glue it on your confidence wall. Keep writing phrases and quotes until you’ve filled up the calendar, and then hang it up in a private place that you’ll see everyday.
Use your confidence wall like a collection of love notes to yourself when you need a reminder to get back online after a first date didn’t go well. Or, you can use the wall as a positive trigger when your commitment fears arise ditch your old communication habits. You could recite your affirmations to yourself when you’re practicing self-care. The confidence wall is an excellent way for you to stick with your relationship intentions and create an atmosphere of love, excitement, and motivation all year long.
2018 is the year you make love a priority and take action to manifest in your life. If creating vision boards all these years hasn’t brought you any closer to the love you deserve, then make a decision to try a new approach.
BMWK, using a phrase like “I choose,” “I intend,” or “I create,” post your love intention for 2018 below.
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