6 Practices of a Marriage That Runs Like a Well-Oiled Machine

BY: - 29 Dec '17 | Marriage

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When I hear the phrase “well-oiled machine” I think of something smooth and efficient with little to no defect. But I also know it earned its reputation as a result of a lot of hard work by everyone involved with bringing the product to market. Take a BMW for instance. No matter the series, a BMW is a much coveted vehicle that has set the standard for many others. But it didn’t get that way over night. After years of design and redesign and with a clear vision as to how they would stand out above the rest, BMW can be considered a well-oiled machine by even its harshest critics.

In your average, run of the mill marriage, things move along; but there are few instances of growth and development…design and redesign, if you will. Not so with marriages that appear effortless, smooth, and efficient. What are they doing differently and how can you get in on the secret?

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One of BMW’s slogans is “Designed for Driving Pleasure.” A marriage that runs like a well-oiled machine has to be designed to do so. While not an exhaustive list, below are six “P’s” that are designed to help your marriage run like a well oiled machine.


Start here. You ever notice when you’re given a design to successfully build something or get you to the right destination you have a sign that tells you where to start? Marriages that are smooth and efficient get that way because they rely on a power greater than the individual parts. If you want to enjoy the experience of a healthy marriage, check your ego at the door and give it up to God.


BMW didn’t get on top overnight. Your marriage won’t either. But with the right framework, you can get there. Getting to your ultimate goal in your relationship will require a lot of patience. There will be a lot of designing and redesigning involved. This can lead to lots of frustration and misunderstanding. But if you remain patient and tweak the areas that are lacking, things will begin to run the way they should.


I know it doesn’t sound sexy to plan your marriage. But, sexy is as sexy does. If you don’t envision the end goal, the product of your efforts, you’ll keep making the same mistakes and not know how to fix them. Planning leads to a well prepared heart and mind that can handle whatever kink gets thrown into your relationship. So do your relationship a favor and take the time needed to set yourself up to win.


Regardless of how much planning you do, there will be variables that get tossed in the mix. But you can keep important safeguards on hand that will help protect your relationship from any of these events. When things start churning the right way, not everyone will be rooting for you. Protect your love by communicating openly about the challenges you each face. Then utilize agreed upon rules or avenues that form a strong protective shield around your relationship.


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Just like a BMW that’s designed for driving pleasure, a well-oiled marriage is designed for life’s pleasure. When your relationship is on point, you are laughing, talking, texting, sexting. You enjoy each other’s company regardless of whether or not you’re in the same room. When something great happens, your spouse is the first one you want to tell. When you’re feeling horny, you can’t wait to get home and get some. A well-oiled marriage simply feels as good as it’s designed to be.


Another one of BMW’s taglines is “The Ultimate Driving Machine.” Now, that’s what you call a promise. They all but guarantee that you won’t find another vehicle that you will want to drive as much as theirs. When your marriage is operating on all cylinders, you know you won’t find another partner who makes you feel the way your spouse does. As you design and redesign your relationship, you are strengthening the commitment you made at the altar. And it’s a commitment your spouse knows you promise to keep.

There are so many other practices that are part and parcel of the ones above. But if you start with these, you will learn to identify other things specific to the needs of your relationship. Then, by putting them into practice, you will eventually get to the place your well-oiled marriage is destined to go.





BMWK, Are you ready to see your marriage run like a well-oiled machine?

About the author

Joann Fisher wrote 157 articles on this blog.

Joann Fisher has been a writer and editor for both print and online newpapers and magazines for the last 10 years. She now serves as a Writer/Editor at BMWK and lead Editor for The Joy Network.


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What Resolutions Should I Adopt to Make My Marriage Thrive in 2018 and Beyond?

BY: - 2 Jan '18 | Marriage

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Dear Dr. Buckingham,

I have been married for 6 years and my marriage has been rocky every since I said I do. My husband and I have problems with communication, intimacy and connecting all together for various personal, interpersonal and family reasons. I love my husband to the moon and back and I want our marriage to thrive, not survive.

As we approach the New Year I made a promise to myself that I would do my part to make my marriage thrive. But to be honest, I do not know what to do. I am not one to put a lot of energy into developing New Year Resolutions because I do not know how to create ones that work or last. I would like to enhance my marriage in the coming year and beyond, but I am stuck. What Resolutions Should I Adopt To Make My Marriage Thrive in 2018 and Beyond?


New Year, New Wife

Ask Dr. Buckingham

Dear New Year, New Wife

I am glad to hear that you want to enhance your marriage in the coming year and beyond. Like you, I do not put a lot of energy into developing New Year Resolutions because I believe that people should strive to develop resolutions throughout the year, not just at the beginning. Some people think of a resolution as a decision to do or not to do something. I think of a resolution as an act designed to solve a problem, dispute or contentious matter. Given this, below are seven resolutions that you can adopt to make your marriage thrive in 2018 and beyond.

Resolution 1: Be Creative. We all get excited about new things, especially if the new things are pleasing to us. Change is difficult, but can be very rewarding. Your marriage can be your creative zone. Try new things sexually, physically and emotionally. Change your routines and your marriage will change. By doing this work, you will keep your spouse curious and excited, thus making your marriage thrive in 2018 and beyond.

Resolution 2: Rekindle the Fire. You are one in marriage because you spent time becoming one.  In order to remain as one, you must strive to rekindle the fire that once burned. Repeat behavior that got you to the altar. Schedule couple time outside of family time. Focusing attention on your spouse demonstrates that you care about his or her needs. By doing this work, you will feel rejuvenated and motivated to please your spouse, thus making your marriage thrive in 2018 and beyond.

Resolution 3: Maintain a Positive Mental Image. Actively engage and train your mind to see the positive aspects of your spouse and marriage. Schedule positive reflection time and identify five things you really love about your spouse. Spend time reflecting on them. By doing this work, you will be conditioned to hold your spouse in high-esteem during good and bad times, thus making your marriage thrive in 2018 and beyond.

Resolution 4: Keep Positive Company. Interact with friends and family members who support your marriage and have positive things to contribute. Remember, misery loves miserable company. Be mindful of the people whom you socialize with and make sure that they want what is best for you and your spouse. By doing this work you will eliminate negative energy and people from your life, thus making your marriage thrive in 2018 and beyond.

Resolution 5: Manage Conflict Effectively. You can disagree with your spouse without being disrespectful. Learn to agree to disagree. Conflict is not bad unless you cope with it ineffectively. By doing this work, you will create an environment that is free of negative tension and energy, thus making your marriage thrive in 2018 and beyond.

Resolution 6: Use Positive and Uplifting Words. Words of kindness please the heart and soul. Gifts are nice, but do not have the same effect as kind words. Apologize with words. Inspire with words. Empower with words. Use your tongue as an empowerment and motivational tool. By doing this work you will enhance your spouse’s self-esteem, thus making your marriage thrive in 2018 and beyond.


Resolution 7: Monitor Your Pride and Attitude. Too much pride is unhealthy and can prevent you from humbling yourself. Arrogant individuals see the value in themselves. In contrast, humble individuals see the value in themselves and their spouses. Eliminate prideful attitudes and practice humbleness. By doing this work you will be able to see the value in your spouse, thus marking your marriage thrive in 2018 and beyond.

As you strive to enhance and improve your marriage remember that temporary thinking leads to temporary resolutions. Developing New Year resolutions are good, but the word “New” should be in your mind throughout the year. Always look to do something “New” for and with your husband. When you decided to get married six years ago, you did so with the thought of being married forever. If you continue to struggle with making your marriage thrive in 2018 and beyond please visit my website www.realhorizonsdlb.com and secure a copy of my book entitled, “99 Strategies For Making Your Marriage Last Forever: How To Give and Get The Very Best In Your Marriage”.

Happy New Year!

Best regards,

Dr. Buckingham

If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com

Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.

About the author

Dwayne Buckingham wrote 220 articles on this blog.

Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham, author of Qualified, yet Single: Why Good Men Remain Single and Unconditional Love: What Every Woman and Man Desires in a Relationship, is a highly acclaimed international clinical psychotherapist, life coach, relationship and resiliency expert, motivational speaker and corporate consultant. He is also the President and Chief Executive Officer of R.E.A.L. Horizons Consulting Service, located in Silver Spring, Maryland. To learn more about Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham visit his website at www.DrBuckingham.com.


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