Ditch the Baggage! 4 Life Changing Keys to Getting the Marriage You Want

BY: - 6 Dec '17 | Marriage

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Envision going through an airport with bags in your arms, bags on your back, bags on wheels, and pushing a stroller all at the same time. You’re working up a sweat, frustration is setting in, and the destination that brings the struggle to an end looks so far away.

Now translate this to your everyday life. Daddy was not the father he should have been – BAGGAGE. Mom struggled to keep us all on track – BAGGAGE. I was never allowed to express how I truly felt -BAGGAGE. In my house, we just acted like everything was okay but knew it wasn’t – BAGGAGE. Just yesterday, I was offended by my spouse’s comment – BAGGAGE. Today, I felt inferior to those around me – BAGGAGE.

You have walked around with baggage long enough. Two days or twenty years, it’s too long to carry an unnecessary load. Use the four keys given here to create peace round your past.

Key 1 – Control your thoughts.

Your thought life is a powerful, powerful instrument. It is a tool that paints your interpretation of any given life event. Your thought life has the ability to create its own reality. For example, a lady notices someone staring at her, and her thought process says, “They must be staring because I look so nice today.”

As funny as that  sounds, it is a picture she is able to paint on the canvas of her mind because she has control over her thought life. If her thought life leaned towards the negative or was filled with insecurity, her thoughts could have sounded more like this. “Is there something wrong with my clothes? They must not like me. They must be talking about me. I’m going over there to say something if they don’t stop staring.” Does this help you see how your thoughts paint a picture on the canvas of your heart?

Here is the basic process:

  •  Your thoughts produce a mindset.
  • Your mindset produces actions.
  • Your actions produce your reality.
  • Your reality results in the quality of life you experience.

How many people have you seen in the news that have great money and stature, yet because of their mindset they live a miserable life, and in some cases cause themselves bodily harm? Being  aware of your thought life is a first step to controlling your thoughts regarding your past and how it will influence your marriage and your future.

Key 2 – Learn the lesson.

There is a lesson to be found in life’s challenges. When you are ready to accept that there is a lesson in the baggage, it brings a sense of empowerment. Note that it says a lesson can be found in life’s challenges. That means you may have to look for it.

The lesson may not be packed near the top of the baggage. It may be hidden and show up when you search for it. I encourage you to search for it. Don’t just casually look. It is to your benefit to learn the
lesson. It’s part of unpacking the bag.

Key 3 – Distinguish between learned behaviors and intrinsic traits.

In your marriage, recognize that each person has learned behaviors and intrinsic traits. A learned behavior is a characteristic that has developed in a person over time because of life’s experiences. It is a response to one’s physical or external environment, while an intrinsic trait is a quality you are born with.

It is okay to get rid of learned behaviors. They can be removed from your life if they do not serve your purpose. Intrinsic qualities, on the other hand, should be cultivated and developed towards maturity. It is those qualities that reveal the true you.

Key 4 – Forgive.

At some point in time, you will be challenged to forgive someone else. At another point in time, someone will be challenged to forgive you. At still another juncture in life, you will be challenged to forgive yourself. You have the grace and authority to forgive. It is a right that you exercise at will.

Contrary to what many may say forgiveness is not a long drawn-out process. It is a heart-perceived decision that you make. A decision can be made in a moment’s time. What takes time is the journey that you may go through to get to the place in your heart where you are ready to make a decision to forgive.

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There is freedom for you in forgiveness. Exercising your right and power to forgive allows you to release the negative emotions and physical turmoil that accompany the stress of unforgiveness. It gives you the power to unpack your baggage and give new meaning to the challenge you faced. I have seen firsthand the positive power of forgiveness in the lives of couples who made a decision to forgive a violation. To their surprise, along with forgiveness came a softened yet somewhat guarded heart, which opened the door for restoration and civil conversation.

When you are not bogged down with baggage—remember the example of going through the airport carrying bags, rolling bags, and pushing a stroller—you have the freedom to experience the joy of life and marriage as never before. I’m counting on you to go for it. You are not inadequate. You are a powerful being. You are more than capable of experiencing personal change from the inside out. Receive it and watch your awe- inspiring future begin to unfold.

BMWK, are you ready to ditch your baggage?

About the author

Deborah L. Mills wrote 184 articles on this blog.

Coach, AUTHOR, Speaker, WIFE, Mom, and GRANDMOTHER. That's the gist of who I am. I love people and love to see their life and relationships thrive. As a coach I am ready to support your dream when you don't feel like it. As an author and speaker I am ready to pour into your life so that you can live your best life now. I am a personal and executive coach. Together with my husband I also marriage coach. GO TO MY WEBSITE. THERE IS A FREE GIFT THERE WAITING FOR YOU. http://bit.ly/2deborahlmills

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4 Creative Ideas for Bringing the Fun Back Into a Stale Relationship

BY: - 7 Dec '17 | Marriage

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Chances are you’ve heard of and probably taken part in some sort of annual spring cleaning. It starts with taking a look around your home and identifying areas rife with cobwebs, dust, and musty odors. You then begin the long, arduous process of scrubbing and cleaning. Sometimes, it seems the more we clean, the more dirt we find.

Marriages can be that way sometimes. You go about our daily routine until eventually, you find your relationship has taken a back seat to everything else. In fact, the love is hibernating somewhere and you’ve got to find it, pull it out, dust it off, and freshen up your relationship.

At issue, however, is the fact that it’s been stored away for so long and the more you “clean,” the more dirt you discover. Rather than the fun, happy relationship you once had, you find yourself caught up in a stale, musty, dry relationship.

What to do?

Well, fear not! If you’ve done any spring cleaning, you know that it’s just a matter of time before you get rid of the crud and bring back all the things that have been covered up that make spring exciting: bright curtains, fresh air and sunshine. Your relationship is no different. When the relationship has grown stale, it’s time to reintroduce the kind of fun that makes your love fresh and your union strong again.

Karaoke Night

Whether it’s jammin’ out to Beyonce’s Run the World or Stevie Wonder’s Ribbon in the Sky, there’s loads of fun to be had at a local karaoke bar. You can rent out a private room for just you and your boo, or you can make it a group night with your closest friends. Either way, a karaoke date night…or nights (think American Idol count down), can be a great way to take the fun in your relationship to a new level.

Dance Lessons

Getting off the couch and on to the dance floor is great way to bring fun and sensuality into your relationship. Making the rounds in the dancing styles will definitely liven things up in your relationship. In addition to deepening the intimacy in your marriage, you get to strut your stuff as a couple at parties and clubs.

Spa Day

After a night on the dance floor, nothing says relief like a day at the spa. Getting some much needed rest and relaxation is just what the doctor ordered for a musty, stale relationship. Couples massages, a nice soak in a hot tub, or a healthy seaweed wrap are great opportunities for bonding. A spa day can also give you and your spouse great chances for heart to heart conversations that open up the line of communication and bringing some fresh air into your relationship.

Concert Getaways

You don’t have to be a “Dead Head” to get the point of this activity. Planning your getaways around your favorite artists’ concerts can be pretty amazing. The anticipation of the get away is increased ten fold because you know a great concert is in the wings. Not only is it fun, but the chance to create great memories together is priceless.

Whether you are spring cleaning your home or your relationship, there are so many ways to bring in the fun and let the sunshine in. It’s important to take stock of where things are in your marriage and make sure it hasn’t grown old and stale. But, if by chance life has taken over and left a musty stench over what was once a healthy love, just know that all isn’t lost. Find what works for you and your spouse. Remember the things you did at first and why you fell in love. Then do them and start having fun again.

BMWK, are you ready to bring back the fun into your relationship?

About the author

Joann Fisher wrote 127 articles on this blog.

Joann Fisher has been a writer and editor for both print and online newpapers and magazines for the last 10 years. She now serves as a Writer/Editor at BMWK and lead Editor for The Joy Network.

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