10 Ways to Reclaim Your Time and Get Emotionally Intimate With Your Spouse

BY: - 4 Dec '17 | Intimacy

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Emotional intimacy is how close you feel emotionally to your spouse. It speaks to the type of connection that you share with one another, the non-sexual affection that you show, and how you communicate, openly and honestly. In its simplest terms, emotional intimacy speaks to the friendship that you share with your husband or your wife.

One of the most important ways to build that emotional connection to one another is to simply make time for one another. I know what you’re thinking: easier said than done. With work, kids, and every other obligation, we are already so overworked, overscheduled, over-everything, that finding enough time for each other is about as easy as finding a picture of a unicorn flying next to a bald eagle.


10 Ways to Reclaim Your Time and Get Emotionally Intimate with Your Spouse

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But when we’re talking about making time for our spouses, we have to remember three very important things:

  • Making time for your marriage is not optional.
  • The quality of the time is just as important as the quantity.
  • You always have the time; you’re just making the decision to allocate it to something

Listed below are 10 ways to rescue some of your time back

  1. Say No. Help others, support friends, let your kids participate in activities, but don’t have so much of your time tied up in everyone else’s life that you’re neglecting your own. It’s ok to say, “I don’t have time for it.”
  1. Put the kids to sleep. Try to get your children in bed at least an hour before you so that you can make time for your spouse and do some things alone. If you have older children, let them know that after a certain time, they should be in their rooms, or just go in your own room after a certain time and close the door. Once kids are old enough to have some inkling about what may be happening behind a closed door, they’ll be a lot less likely to barge in.
  1. Don’t let the kids wake you up. You know what they say: the early bird gets the worm. If you aren’t night owls, grab some time at the other end of the day and try to get some alone time before the kids wake up or you have to head out the door to work.
  1. Make quick dinners during the week. Try to pre-make some of your meals during the week or on weekends. Make use of the crockpot. Have some go-to healthy standbys like store-bought rotisserie chicken that you can go for in a time crunch. There are lots of healthy recipes out there that won’t take all evening to create.

  1. Limit your time online. Whether you’re communicating on social media, browsing the web, or checking email, time online can be a huge time waster for a lot of people. In fact, most of us are probably spending a lot more non-productive time online than we think. For most of us, completely cutting out the internet for good or going cold turkey on social media is something that just isn’t happening. Instead commit to only spending X number of minutes online per day, or even better, create “connection free” spaces in your day and week and stick to them.
  1. Hang up the phone. Either stop talking so much or stop texting so much. Give your spouse some time in your day to have your undivided attention. If your phone doesn’t have a fancy “important people only” feature where you can screen your calls, do the next best thing and just turn it off for a few minutes while you get some couple time in. The rest of the world can wait.
  1. Hire help if you can afford it. If you can fit it into your budget, get someone to come in, even if only on occasion, to help clean, or cut grass, or do little tasks. You may even know a few older kids or teens that you can pay a few dollars to do things like put clothes away or wash dishes. Better yet, you may have a few kids living in your house that can take care of some of those tasks for free.
  1. Delegate if you can’t. If paying for household help is completely out of the question, find ways to divide up your workload. Try writing down everything that needs to be done throughout the week and dividing up tasks accordingly. Make sure that everyone has a role and again, don’t leave the kids out of the equation. Put those babies to work!
  1. Divide up time-consuming tasks The playroom in my house looks like hell. No, really, it looks like Satan came in and said, “I live here now,” spread out his toys, and did a little decorating. Instead of doing a complete overhaul, which would probably take me days of hard labor, I spend about 5 minutes in there every day cleaning and organizing. It’s not much, but chipping away at it a little at a time is starting to make it look a little more heavenly.
  1. Create an evening schedule for yourself. Write in 15 minutes. Stick to it. One of the best ways to ensure that you have 15 minutes to spend with your spouse is simply by making the commitment to do it. Think of something else you do without fail. Make your time together as essential to your day as taking a shower, eating dinner, or putting the kids to bed.

So, just 10 minutes out of your day devoted to your marriage is enough time to have an impact on your connection to your spouse. If you can’t find 10 minutes per day for your spouse, even five minutes in the morning and five minutes in the evening, then your priorities need to change. Remember, if you desire to have a strong marriage, taking care of it emotionally can never be an option.

BMWK, do you make time for emotional intimacy?

About the author

Aja Dorsey Jackson wrote 214 articles on this blog.

Aja Dorsey Jackson is a freelance writer and marriage educator in Baltimore, Maryland and author of the blog and book, Making Love in the Microwave.


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3 Ways to Have More Intimate Sex in 2018

BY: - 1 Jan '18 | Intimacy

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Happy New Year! The old has gone. The new has come. If you’re anything like me, you are thrilled to reset the clock on some of life’s toughest challenges from 2017 and start fresh. If you are happily married, chances are you faced those challenges with your spouse. My man for the last 18 years was in his usual spot…leading us from the front lines. I couldn’t be more grateful. Naturally, I had his back. But none of it would have mattered if we hadn’t first surrendered everything to God.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. This is an odd way to start an article about having more sex. I suppose. But stick with me and hopefully you won’t be disappointed. While the article’s title champions sex, it would be foolish to ignore the importance of intimacy. Simply put, you can’t have more sex without it…well, not the meaningful kind anyway. You know, the kind where you just have to call your girls and tell them what your husband did to you last night…and the night before.

You see, I’m not trying to advocate some rampant rump in the hay with little physical meaning and even less emotional value. If that’s what you’re after, click on a new tab and keep it moving. Rather, the “more” sex I’m talking about is all wrapped up in a lifetime commitment to your relationship, faithfulness to each other, and surrender to God. Without these, intimacy will be lacking and sex will be just another three letter word.

More Sex Comes With Commitment

No marriage is perfect. But there’s something to be said about two people who can look beyond each other’s imperfections and decide to take on life together. For my husband and me, we stood before a crowd of friends in the beginning of January, said “I do,” then got busy for the first time in our relationship (not in front of everyone…duh!).

Regardless of where you start as a married couple, nothing beats the uninhibited pleasure of two committed bodies becoming one. No one else gets to have that with your spouse so you are free to do what you want as often as you want. There’s nothing quite so liberating. If you want not just more, but more unfettered, more sensuous, more ebullient sex in 2018, make…or remake the kind of commitment that gets you what you desire.

More Sex Comes From Faithfulness

I can already hear the naysayers from the point above. So, I’ll let you in on a gem. Commitment without faithfulness is futile. On the other hand, where commitment and faithfulness meet lies plenty of free-spirited love making that’s sure to blow your mind. This is because faithfulness and commitment leads to the development and strengthening of every kind of intimacy.

  • Recreational Intimacy – Great sex after a great date with your spouse is an amazing perk.
  • Emotional Intimacy – After times of emotional bonding, sex is a great release.
  • Intellectual Intimacy – Sometimes a stimulating conversation stimulates more than the mind.
  • Spiritual Intimacy – Drawing close to God can definitely help you draw close to one another.
  • Physical Intimacy – A touch here, and a caress there and well…

When you allow your relationship to reach this kind of next level intimacy, then more sex is more than likely.

More Sex Comes From Surrender

In our society, surrender is not exactly sexy. Typically, those who surrender are ridiculed as weak and powerless. But often times, life throws hardship after hardship at you and your relationship and it seems like it just won’t quit. When you and your spouse take those challenges and together surrender them to God, you make sure your troubles don’t squeeze physical intimacy out of your relationship. In fact, when you surrender to God, you will find it much easier to surrender your heart, mind, spirit, and body to your spouse. And that always leads to more, and better, sex.

So, if you haven’t already done so, make 2018 the year you give your intimate life a boost with the kind of committed, faithful, surrendered sex you want. It’s one of the best ways to ensure you have an amazing year!

BMWK, are you ready to have more sex in 2018?

About the author

Joann Fisher wrote 156 articles on this blog.

Joann Fisher has been a writer and editor for both print and online newpapers and magazines for the last 10 years. She now serves as a Writer/Editor at BMWK and lead Editor for The Joy Network.


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