Ladies: 3 Signs You Want a Relationship for All the Wrong Reasons

BY: - 8 Dec '17 | Relationships

Share this article!

tnmstressedwomanconcernedsad_feature

By: Radesha “Desh” Dixon

Relationships are a great thing when they are right.  Two people coming together and sharing a deep, loving bond that is pure, honest, genuine and nothing short of divine – that is powerful.  When two people are aligned to each other’s life vision and come together to better each other’s lives, what a dynamic duo.

So if you’re single and want a relationship, I imagine that may be what you’re looking for.  And that kind of love can happen for you.  But not if you settle.  A number of women today seem to be okay with accepting breadcrumbs from guys.  They are desperate to be in a relationship or at least have someone so they put up with receiving mere sprinkles of attention or affection.

Many women are getting into relationships for the wrong reasons and it continues to end in disaster.  To avoid repeating the same cycles like a broken record, here are a few signs you may be getting into a relationship for the wrong reasons.

You’re in a Rush.

You hit age 30 and you’re panicked.  You believe you are old.  Somehow you’re convinced that if you’re 35, for example, you’re old.  Well that mindset is what will get you into the wrong relationship because your intent for a relationship is just so you’re not too old and have someone versus actually being with the right person.

I believe we can all have the love we want and rightfully deserve but we must not settle.

You believe you have to hurry up because your biological clock is ticking.  And while some may argue that statistics show the older a woman gets, the harder it is for her to conceive, there are also plenty of women who birth healthy babies over the age of 30.  According to Americanpregnancy.org, “many women today find themselves trying to conceive after the age of 35.  This opportunity can be full of joy and riddled with questions.  Despite some challenges, many women in their thirties and forties successfully conceive.”

I understand that you want to give yourself the greatest chance regarding fertility but would you rather rush and be bonded for life with a child by the wrong man or wait for God’s best?  I hope you prefer the latter.  Rushing into a relationship cannot be good.

You’re Filling a Void.

Do you really want a relationship or are you just bored?  Are you just lonely?  Sometimes we get into relationships to fill a void.  We look to a person to fill a void in our lives that can only be filled with our own self-love.  You need to get back to some activities that you like. Get back to your goals and dreams.

What are your passions?  What enlivens you?  You want a relationship to fill something internal.  You’re seeking external validation to make you feel like you’re worthy; if you get in a relationship, then that shows that you’re still desired.  Well if you get in a relationship looking for someone to show you your worth, then don’t be surprised if it doesn’t turn out well.  Only you should determine your worth.  Work on yourself.  Invest in yourself.  Give back to yourself.  In other words, take time out for yourself.  This way you’ll fill yourself up and won’t need to go looking for a relationship to fill a void in your life.

You Think You’re Ready.

Are you really ready for a relationship?  Are you really ready to put in the work required to build a solid foundation from the ground up or are you just in love with the idea of being in a relationship?  Many of us are simply not ready for love.  We think we are because we watch romantic movies or read romance novels.

Unless you are willing to take your time and really get to know someone beneath the surface, you’re not ready.  You’re not ready to make someone else a priority.  You’re not really in a space to give to someone else.  Love comes to give.  You have to take the other person into consideration when it comes to certain things.  You can’t behave like or have a single mentality if you’re going to be in a relationship.  You have to start preparing for it.  Really think about if you’re really ready to commit to someone else fully or are you honestly just into the idea of it all?  Give up the fairy tale.  It’s not reality.

I believe in love.  I believe that people can manifest true love.  I believe we can all have the love we want and rightfully deserve but we must not settle.  We need to do the internal work within ourselves as well.  Let’s get clear on where we are in life.  A relationship (or marriage) isn’t going to magically make everything better.  Do the inner work and be honest with yourself about your intention for a relationship.  Don’t rush and get into a relationship just for the sake of having one.  You deserve so much more.  You’re a Queen.  Love yourself enough to wait for the best.

About the Author: Radesha “Desh” Dixon is the Author of “No More Broken Records: 5 Tips To Change Your Tune and Transform Your Life” and Queens Don’t Settle: A Book of Poems To Empower Women, both available on Amazon. She is the Creator and Founder of No More Broken Records™, a movement to empower women not to settle. She was featured on the Huffington Post. Visit her website at http://www.dreamencourager.com/. You can connect with her on Facebook and Instagram. For a FREE chapter of her book, go to http://www.changingyourtune.com/.

About the author

BMWK Staff wrote 1260 articles on this blog.

Content and articles from the staff and guest contributors of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com

Store

like what you're reading?

Start Shopping!

Discussion

Facebook Wordpress

Leave a Reply

Get
Single/Dating Articles Delivered To Your Inbox Daily! Sign up below!

Sisters: Consider These 3 Important Things Before Giving Up the Goods

BY: - 11 Dec '17 | Relationships

Share this article!

tnmcouplebedcommunicateshy_feature

By:  Radesha “Desh” Dixon

Sex is a natural part of human life.  We don’t have to deny it and we shouldn’t feel ashamed to talk about it.  As women, we’ve been so conditioned to think a certain way and act a certain way to be labeled as a ‘lady’ or a ‘good woman’ to ensure that we fit into society’s ideals of us.  And while I do believe that there are different classes of women, a woman should be free to say what’s on her mind without judgment in regards to sex, get her needs met, and live her life on her terms.

Even though I’m somewhat old school, it’s evident that times have changed and I think many would agree that the dating scene has changed.  I love that women have become more sexually liberated and less concerned about the societal judgment placed on them and not men.  In other words, the double standard.

Nonetheless, many women still desire to be married and have a family or desire a long-term committed relationship including myself.  Rightfully so.  But Queens… we have to be honest with ourselves about what some of us are doing.  We can’t complain about no good men and dead beat dads when we’re not making better decisions about who we choose to lay down with.  It’s a choice.  God blessed us with intuition.

31-days-of-scripture-badge-600x400

With that being said, as you get older and mature, I would hope that you have learned some life lessons, grown to love yourself, honor yourself and recognize your worth as the Queen you are.  When we know better, we should do better.

So to minimize any increase in statistics about kids being born out of wedlock and random/casual flings (which likely leads to more broken homes) and the possible baggage that comes with it, I suggest that you look beyond the surface and short-term gratification and think about if he’s truly worthy of going to that intimate level with.  So when it comes to being romantically involved with a man, here are a few things to consider beforehand:

Does he see you as someone long term? Can you see yourself with him long term? 

I understand that everyone is not looking for something long term.  Friends with benefits and situationships seem to have become fairly common.  However, if you have sex with him and there’s an oops (unplanned pregnancy), are you prepared to possibly become a single mother?  Are you mentally and emotionally prepared to have to even consider whether you want to keep it or not?  There is no judgment.  But these are things to consider.

Before getting physical, let’s think about whether you and this man are on the same page about your level of commitment to each other.  Do you want to be involved with a man who may not see you as long term or you don’t see him as long term and there’s an oops?  Let’s hope not.

What do you know about him? Is he responsible in his own life?

I have heard of women that are involved with men who don’t know where he works or where he lives.  If you’re going to be intimate with a man, I think you should know some basic information about him.  If the man’s life is out of whack and he’s all over the place, he’s not stable.  Would you really want to be linked to someone like this?  How is he leading in his own life?  If he cannot take care of himself, he won’t be able to take care of you and a child.  Kids costs.  They also require time and energy.  Is he the father figure you’d choose when he isn’t responsible in his own life?  I hope not.

Do you want to add this soul tie to you?

When we are intimate with someone, there is an exchange.  You are taking on everything from him as he’s taking on everything from you.  Just as Candice Benbow states, “When you engage in sexual activity, you receive the spirit (or soul) of your partner.  Not only that, you also carry the spirits of your partner’s previous partners and their previous partners.”  Is he someone that you want to be energetically and spiritually connected with?  Sex was sacred at some point in time.  If we view it as something sacred to be shared with only someone truly worthy of it, then we’re likely to choose better.  And we will save ourselves a lot of headache.

Queens, please protect yourself.  Sex is a natural part of life.  We don’t have to act like it’s a bad thing.  But just because you may be horny doesn’t mean you have to act on it.  Before you lay down with a man, consider the things mentioned above.  And let’s not forget about sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).  Many kids are being born from random sexcapades and that’s something in our control.

We should be mindful of who we’re involving ourselves with so we can have healthy relationships and provide examples of healthy relationships for future generations to come.  Some of you have princesses (daughters) already and they’re watching you.  They’re likely to follow what you do.  So as much you want them to ‘do as you say and not as you do’, it’s highly likely they’re going to mimic what you actually do.  So let’s be positive examples for future Queens to come.

About the Author: Radesha “Desh” Dixon is the Author of “No More Broken Records: 5 Tips To Change Your Tune and Transform Your Life” and Queens Don’t Settle: A Book of Poems To Empower Women, both available on Amazon. She is the Creator and Founder of No More Broken Records™, a movement to empower women not to settle. She was featured on the Huffington Post. Visit her website at http://www.dreamencourager.com/. You can connect with her on Facebook and Instagram. For a FREE chapter of her book, go to http://www.changingyourtune.com/.

About the author

BMWK Staff wrote 1260 articles on this blog.

Content and articles from the staff and guest contributors of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com

Store

like what you're reading?

Start Shopping!

Discussion

Facebook Wordpress