Are You Prepared? These 4 Things Can Make or Break Your Marriage

BY: - 10 Jan '18 | Communication

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My 13 year old son recently asked me a question that many of you are probably familiar with. It’s the good old, “If you fill a glass half full of water, is the glass half full or half empty?” Naturally, I responded with the very wise, adult answer of, “well, it depends on your perspective.” His response was, “No Mommy. It’s completely full. It’s half full of water and half full of air.” I have to admit, I didn’t see that coming. It made me laugh. And, it made me think.

How many of us approach marriage that way? Do we view our marriage as either half full or half empty? Or, do we see it as completely full. The interesting thing is that in order to survive as a human being, you need both water and air. But, how you use it will determine whether you live or die. Pure water nourishes the body. Contaminated water brings disease and can kill. Clean air strengthens you. Polluted air weakens you.

To enjoy a successful marriage, there is a primary concept that is important to the strength of a relationship. Unless it is properly implemented, your union is destined for a bumpy ride and possibly even failure. It’s important to grasp the hold that this ideal has on the success of a relationship. Without a proper understanding of its significance, your marriage can suffer needlessly. It is the key to a seeing your relationship as a completely full glass, surviving on water and air. So, what is it?

Let me start by keeping it simple. Good communication is a requirement if you want your marriage to make it. However, there are so many synonyms I could use here. Effective, smart, or wise are all terms associated with communication that makes a marriage move toward success or longevity. While this article will outline some things that can make or break your marriage, I believe that at the root of each is the way each partner communicates with the other about them.

Things that could make your marriage great can end up breaking your marriage apart if not properly handled or discussed.  Instead of bringing you closer in the relationship, they are a source of division. By using wise and effective communication in the following areas, you can keep your marriage running on clean air and pure water.

Family

Starting a family is a blessing to most. When a husband and wife make a decision to have children, they are ready to share their love and start a new generation. However, if they aren’t on the same page on how to make their family work both inside and outside of the confines of their personal relationship, they could be setting themselves up for failure.

Whether it’s a blended family or starting a brand new one, having open communication about what they expect their family to look like and how they will go about getting there will be an important step in making the marriage great.

Business / Career

Starting a business or advancing career opportunities can be exciting. When we are doing what it takes to see a dream come to life, it has the potential to breathe life into our character and thus, our marriage. But, the adverse is also true. Whether you start a business together or one spouse is making significant career strides, communicating effectively and often will have significant impact. Making or breaking your marriage will depend heavily on whether both partners are on the same page and whether the end game will fulfill both of their needs.

Financial Goals

Financial success can bring so much fun to a relationship. It eases worry, provides opportunity, and offers security. But what if one spouse values opportunity over security? Well, you have a problem. Discussing your financial goals and what it will take to achieve them is vital to keeping your marriage on track. But, let me add that talk is cheap when it comes to this hot button issue. Dollar for dollar, your success in achieving these goals can be seen on a daily basis. It can therefore be a source of encouragement or strife in the relationship.

Character Development

Character change and growth in a relationship can be a wonderful thing when two people are growing together.  Naturally, growth looks differently to different people. For some, they grow through hardship and suffering.  Others grow through a desire to succeed. Others grow through spiritual guidance and a desire to be close to God.

It matters little how growth comes. The impact on a marriage and whether growth makes or breaks the relationship can be easily determined by the conversations that are being had. If one individual begins to strengthen their relationship with God and then unilaterally makes relationship changes and decisions, that’s a major set up for failure. However, talking it out with their partner and expressing why these changes are important to them is a wise step regardless of whether their spouse agrees with them or not.

The same could be said for any area of growth and how it comes about. Communicating the changes going on inside of your heart can help to bridge gaps that character change often brings in a relationship.

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So, how will you go about handling life as a married couple? When change arises through family, finances, career, or character development, it can serve your marriage in an amazing way and make it great. Your marriage can be fully nourished by pure water and have life breathed into it by clean air. On the other hand,  these issues can also break the back of a marriage that isn’t fortified with wise and effective communication. Take the time necessary to learn how to talk to your husband or your wife. It will go a long way in making or breaking your marriage.

BMWK, how do you deal with these issues that can make or break your marriage?

About the author

Joann Fisher wrote 156 articles on this blog.

Joann Fisher has been a writer and editor for both print and online newpapers and magazines for the last 10 years. She now serves as a Writer/Editor at BMWK and lead Editor for The Joy Network.

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3 Crazy Things People Do to Solve Their Marriage Problems and Why They Won’t Work

BY: - 26 Jan '18 | Communication

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At the beginning of a marriage, many couples take time out to celebrate the start of their lifetime journey by heading off on a traditional vacation called a honeymoon. It is a time for them to strengthen their relationship and establish a strong physical bond. The time is private, intimate, and purposefully special.

Eventually, however, the honeymoon is over and they head back to real life. They begin to establish habits and patterns in their relationship that can either deepen or damage their bond. Unfortunately, when the relationship is damaged, couples begin to establish other patterns…crazy patterns, in an effort to solve their marriage problems.

Rather than pursue avenues that could potentially enrich their relationship, they opt for ones that could unhinge their love and are impractical for a lifelong commitment. Some of these choices, like the following, may not seem too far outside of normal under certain circumstances, but they have no place in a relationship meant for a lifetime and that’s what makes them crazy.

Crazy Thing #1 – They Issue a Hall Pass

Have you ever seen the movie, Hall Pass, starring Owen Wilson? If not, here’s the quick 411. Hall Pass is a movie about a couple whose relationship is seriously struggling, so they agree to give each other a ‘hall pass’. So, what exactly is that? Well, a hall pass is when one spouse gives the other spouse permission to have “sexual relations” with other people. Yes, you read that right.

The rationale behind this is that it is believed that this will prevent an affair from happening in the marriage when you give your spouse temporary permission to explore. Well, to each his own.  But, I am going to add the ‘hall pass’ to my long list of crazy things people will do to solve their marriage problems.

Why it won’t work

Couples who try implementing a ‘hall pass,’ may very well have good intentions.  But I think it’s a bad decision because you never know what types of emotional attachments or dysfunction they will introduce into their marriage with the ‘hall pass’. The potential threat to their relationship is tenfold which makes it an insane choice for a solution to your problems.

Crazy Thing #2 – They Ignore Their Problems Away

There’s a game young children like to play with others that’s a little funny. It’s the invisible game. They close their eyes and believe that the person they are playing with can’t see them. “You can’t see me,” they say. They think that because their eyes are closed, they are now invisible to anyone in their vicinity.

Some couples treat their relationship problems this way. They think that if they don’t talk about and just ignore it long enough, neither their partner nor anyone else will see that they’ve got issues. Their hope is that by ignoring the problem, it will eventually go away. What actually happens is that one or both of them ends up adding issue on top of issue until the problems begin to drive them what…crazy. Before you know it, somebody blows a gasket and the relationship sinks even further into oblivion.

Why it won’t work

Just because you close your eyes to the problem doesn’t mean it’s not there. In fact, you only worsen the situation by pretending the problem doesn’t exist.Relationship problems don’t just fix themselves. Each partner has to take an active part in talking through issues and finding workable solutions to problems as they arise. To expect anything else would just be, well, crazy.

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Crazy Thing #3 – They Get Biased Advice

I’m all for getting advice. But we’ve all heard the phrase “consider the source.” Unfortunately, some people only want to be proven right when they are in conflict with their partners. They seek out like-minded individuals who will reinforce their convictions whether they are right or wrong.

It’s one thing if their friend offers up some tough love that leads them back to their spouse. But if what they have to say furthers the split in their relationship, I believe it’s time to seek more unbiased counsel.

Why it won’t work

If I have a drinking problem, I won’t be going to my alcoholic father to fix it. In the same token, there are so many successful relationships out there that it would be wise for couples to find a person who is actually in one to help them navigate the problems they are facing in their marriage. That couple is doing something right and leaving the crazy out of their relationship.

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You know, to each his own. When it comes to their relationship, people have the right to make whatever choice they want to help solve their problems. But if you make crazy choices, expect crazy results.

BMWK, what kind of things are you doing to solve relationship problems?

About the author

Joann Fisher wrote 156 articles on this blog.

Joann Fisher has been a writer and editor for both print and online newpapers and magazines for the last 10 years. She now serves as a Writer/Editor at BMWK and lead Editor for The Joy Network.

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