Girl, Wake Up! These 7 Signs Say He’s Stringing You Along

BY: - 8 Jan '18 | Relationships

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You have off-the-charts chemistry and he says he’s never felt a connection like this with anyone else before. Maybe you’ve been dating for a while, but you don’t know where you stand with him. Does he want something serious? Is he just moving slow? Or is he stringing you along? You should be excited that this super fine, successful man is pursuing you. So why do you feel uneasy and unsure? Chances are, if you’re on a romantic roller coaster with a man you’re dating, he’s stringing you along. Here are 7 signs you shouldn’t ignore.

String #1 – He practices “faux intimacy” to make you feel like he’s opening up to you.

It’s your second phone call and he pours out his heart to you, telling you about his hurt, his ex, and his deepest, darkest secrets. You feel like he’s opening up and being honest, but watch out girl! This display of intimacy could really just be a way for you to stroke his male ego and to get you to feel sorry for him. This manipulative behavior is usually followed by requests for your money, your time, your resources, and your body.  Pay attention to whether he ONLY talks about his problems. If he is unavailable to support you when you need a shoulder to lean on, he’s stringing you along.

String #2 – He never gives you a straight answer to your questions.

Whether you’re asking him about his divorce, his past, or what he did last weekend, you always feel like he’s Kellyanne Conway, twisting his words and filibustering his way out of giving you a direct answer. A partner who questions why you need to have answers could be hiding something.

String #3 – He disappears for weeks and then sends you a “wyd” text as though nothing happened.

He was texting you every morning and night for 2 weeks straight, and then you notice that all your texts are tagged with “delivered” instead of “read.” You go from worried something happened to him, to angry that he ghosted you. Out of nowhere, you get a “wyd beautiful” text from him, and he never acknowledges, much less apologizes, for disappearing in the first place.

His inconsistency and lack of concern for how you feel could be a sign that he has a group of women on heavy rotation. He got caught up pursuing another woman and now that he has free time, he’s coming back for you. Will you let him?

String # 4 -Your entire relationship is virtual

You’d be embarrassed to tell your girls at the next Ladies Night Out dinner you have planned, but the guy you met online has never asked you out on a date and it’s been 3 months! He’s texting, calling, and filling your mind with dreams of where he’s going to take you “one day soon,” but he’s either too busy, or just never brings it up, leaving you feeling awkward and insecure.

He’s stringing you along, feeding you breadcrumbs of attention. Wake up, girl! You deserve the whole cake!

String #5 – He only wants a “Netflix and chill date” and never wants to take you out in public.

All of your dates are in private. At first you think it’s romantic that he wants to cook you dinner and cuddle on the couch. But once things turn hot and heavy, you know that if he calls you up for a “date” he’s expecting a romp in the sheets, not a dinner at Ruth’s Chris. If he doesn’t want to tell the world that you’re his woman, chances are he’s just using you.

String #6 – He tells you he’s separated even though he lives with his wife.

Girl, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a client tell me that she’d met a new guy she was really excited about. “Oh, full disclosure. He’s married, but he said he and his wife both want a separation. He’s living at home with her, but they sleep in separate rooms.” (Or he wants a divorce but the kids need to stay on his insurance, or he and his wife decided they’d date other people and then divorce when the kids are older, or something other ridiculous reason why you should be ok with dating a married man).

If he can’t tell you when the divorce will begin (or be finalized), this man isn’t being honest with you. He’s hoping you buy the alternative facts he’s cooking up so that you won’t realize that you’re either the side chick or the rebound who will help him avoid dealing with this marital problems. Tell him to give you a call when his divorce is final!

String #7 – He says he doesn’t believe in relationship titles.

The ultimate sign this man is stringing you along is his refusal to define your relationship. Perhaps he tells you marriage is just a piece of paper, and questions why you need a ring to feel loved by him. Or, he says he doesn’t like labels and likes to go with the flow. He keeps you in a perpetual 50 shades of grey area. Meanwhile, you give him girlfriend privileges, while he treats you like friends with benefits. Can you tell you the truth? The main reason he doesn’t want to label anything is that he doesn’t want be responsible for your well-being. Do you really want to settle for that?

Look, sis. Consider this your wake up call! If you feel unloved, exhausted, or scared about where you stand with a man, he is stringing you along. It’s time to cut the ties and make yourself available for someone who will gladly step up and take on the responsibilities as well as the privileges of being your man.

BMWK, have you been strung along by a man? What was your wake up call?

About the author

Aesha Adams Roberts wrote 160 articles on this blog.

Dr. Aesha is a matchmaker, dating coach, speaker and author of the book, Can I Help A Sister Out: How To Meet & Marry The Man of Your Dreams. After years of making painful dating mistakes, she met & married her husband in 11 short months and has made it her mission to help women and men find and keep the love of their lives.

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3 Easy Solutions to Cure Your Loneliness When You’re Single

BY: - 15 Jan '18 | Relationships

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“I fought so hard to get this house,” she told me. “But when I come home after a long day of work and I look at the hinges hanging off the doors, I think to myself, ‘do I really have to do this thing called life on my own?!'”

The words from this powerful, strong, successful sista were familiar to me. As a dating coach who works intimately with single Black women, I’ve borne witness to how the pain of loneliness affects a sister’s daily life, and I’ve worked hard to create a safe space so that women can give voice to this pain, because if we’re honest, most advice only puts a band-aid on the deep, unfulfilled longings of their heart.

I want to help you with real solutions to help you cure your loneliness and heal your hope so that no matter what your relationship status is, your life is full of joy and anticipation.

1) Curate Community

Just because you’re an independent woman, doesn’t mean you were meant to rely solely on yourself to meet all of your needs. Besides, you can’t keep being the responsible one everyone else turns to when they’re in a crisis and never have someone to take care of you. Self-care is necessary, but it can only take you so far. You need a squad who can uplift you when you’re down.

I want you to think carefully about who you will bring into your circle. These men and women should hold themselves to the highest integrity; they should respect and honor you; they should be able to tell you the truth, even if you don’t feel like hearing it; and they should be in sync with you so that even if you don’t ask for help, they see when you’re in need and will come to your aid. Once you’ve identified them, call them up today and tell them how they can support you. Feeling seen and supported is a phenomenal way to beat back loneliness.

2) Stop Hiding Behind “Busyness”

Let’s keep it real: you use busyness to distract you from loneliness. But working 60… 70… 80 hours per week will only cause more problems in your life. I’ve seen it firsthand with my clients who manifest health challenges, financial burdens, and an overall lack of fulfillment because they don’t have time for things that fill them up with joy, much less, time to date!

Give yourself time and space to just be. I know that can be scary if you’re trying to avoid so-called negative feelings like sadness, fear, and anxiety about your single status, so let me give you a powerful coaching tool: Finish your feelings! The only reason emotions feel so overwhelming is because we stuff them down or numb them out and when they do get triggered, they slam us like a tsunami. It’s safe to give your feelings a voice. When you do, you’ll notice you won’t need to stay busy so much. You may even have time to date!

3) Give Yourself Permission to Indulge in Pleasure

Desire isn’t a dirty word, sis. I’ve noticed that many single women who are struggling with loneliness have been denying themselves the simple pleasures of life. Oh, I know you travel to exotic places several times a year, you get mani’s and pedi’s, and you treat yourself to fine dining and luxury gifts. But grooming yourself is not the same as an indulgence (and truth be told, many people go on vacation to escape the stresses of their life). I want you to give yourself permission to indulge in pleasure every single day.

For example, have you been working like a dog trying to get that last bit of money to buy a house or retire early, thinking you’ll take a break and enjoy life after you’re done? Then you’re denying yourself the pleasure of stillness with a cup of tea in the morning. Or, have you decided you won’t date more than one person because you have an intention to get married and you don’t want to waste your time? Then you’re denying yourself the pleasure of a man’s company over dinner, and you could be missing out on fun experiences, even if they don’t lead you to the altar.

Pleasure fills the void by reminding you that it’s the present moment that matters and re-acquaints you with the sensation of joy. You can’t feel loneliness and joy at the same time. So, create a daily joy ritual to beat back those lonely feelings.

You have valiantly dealt with being single, and you’ve created an amazing life. It’s ok, sis, to admit how tiresome, lonely and boring it can often be to live life while you’re waiting for your relationship status to change. I want you to know that I see you and that I’m here for you.

BMWK, Do you have a community to support you when you’re feeling lonely? What else do you feel you need to help cure your loneliness?

About the author

Aesha Adams Roberts wrote 160 articles on this blog.

Dr. Aesha is a matchmaker, dating coach, speaker and author of the book, Can I Help A Sister Out: How To Meet & Marry The Man of Your Dreams. After years of making painful dating mistakes, she met & married her husband in 11 short months and has made it her mission to help women and men find and keep the love of their lives.

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