What Resolutions Should I Adopt to Make My Marriage Thrive in 2018 and Beyond?

BY: - 2 Jan '18 | Marriage

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Dear Dr. Buckingham,

I have been married for 6 years and my marriage has been rocky every since I said I do. My husband and I have problems with communication, intimacy and connecting all together for various personal, interpersonal and family reasons. I love my husband to the moon and back and I want our marriage to thrive, not survive.

As we approach the New Year I made a promise to myself that I would do my part to make my marriage thrive. But to be honest, I do not know what to do. I am not one to put a lot of energy into developing New Year Resolutions because I do not know how to create ones that work or last. I would like to enhance my marriage in the coming year and beyond, but I am stuck. What Resolutions Should I Adopt To Make My Marriage Thrive in 2018 and Beyond?

Thanks,

New Year, New Wife

Ask Dr. Buckingham

Dear New Year, New Wife

I am glad to hear that you want to enhance your marriage in the coming year and beyond. Like you, I do not put a lot of energy into developing New Year Resolutions because I believe that people should strive to develop resolutions throughout the year, not just at the beginning. Some people think of a resolution as a decision to do or not to do something. I think of a resolution as an act designed to solve a problem, dispute or contentious matter. Given this, below are seven resolutions that you can adopt to make your marriage thrive in 2018 and beyond.

Resolution 1: Be Creative. We all get excited about new things, especially if the new things are pleasing to us. Change is difficult, but can be very rewarding. Your marriage can be your creative zone. Try new things sexually, physically and emotionally. Change your routines and your marriage will change. By doing this work, you will keep your spouse curious and excited, thus making your marriage thrive in 2018 and beyond.

Resolution 2: Rekindle the Fire. You are one in marriage because you spent time becoming one.  In order to remain as one, you must strive to rekindle the fire that once burned. Repeat behavior that got you to the altar. Schedule couple time outside of family time. Focusing attention on your spouse demonstrates that you care about his or her needs. By doing this work, you will feel rejuvenated and motivated to please your spouse, thus making your marriage thrive in 2018 and beyond.

Resolution 3: Maintain a Positive Mental Image. Actively engage and train your mind to see the positive aspects of your spouse and marriage. Schedule positive reflection time and identify five things you really love about your spouse. Spend time reflecting on them. By doing this work, you will be conditioned to hold your spouse in high-esteem during good and bad times, thus making your marriage thrive in 2018 and beyond.

Resolution 4: Keep Positive Company. Interact with friends and family members who support your marriage and have positive things to contribute. Remember, misery loves miserable company. Be mindful of the people whom you socialize with and make sure that they want what is best for you and your spouse. By doing this work you will eliminate negative energy and people from your life, thus making your marriage thrive in 2018 and beyond.

Resolution 5: Manage Conflict Effectively. You can disagree with your spouse without being disrespectful. Learn to agree to disagree. Conflict is not bad unless you cope with it ineffectively. By doing this work, you will create an environment that is free of negative tension and energy, thus making your marriage thrive in 2018 and beyond.

Resolution 6: Use Positive and Uplifting Words. Words of kindness please the heart and soul. Gifts are nice, but do not have the same effect as kind words. Apologize with words. Inspire with words. Empower with words. Use your tongue as an empowerment and motivational tool. By doing this work you will enhance your spouse’s self-esteem, thus making your marriage thrive in 2018 and beyond.

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Resolution 7: Monitor Your Pride and Attitude. Too much pride is unhealthy and can prevent you from humbling yourself. Arrogant individuals see the value in themselves. In contrast, humble individuals see the value in themselves and their spouses. Eliminate prideful attitudes and practice humbleness. By doing this work you will be able to see the value in your spouse, thus marking your marriage thrive in 2018 and beyond.

As you strive to enhance and improve your marriage remember that temporary thinking leads to temporary resolutions. Developing New Year resolutions are good, but the word “New” should be in your mind throughout the year. Always look to do something “New” for and with your husband. When you decided to get married six years ago, you did so with the thought of being married forever. If you continue to struggle with making your marriage thrive in 2018 and beyond please visit my website www.realhorizonsdlb.com and secure a copy of my book entitled, “99 Strategies For Making Your Marriage Last Forever: How To Give and Get The Very Best In Your Marriage”.

Happy New Year!

Best regards,

Dr. Buckingham

If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com

Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.

About the author

Dwayne Buckingham wrote 200 articles on this blog.

Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham, author of Qualified, yet Single: Why Good Men Remain Single and Unconditional Love: What Every Woman and Man Desires in a Relationship, is a highly acclaimed international clinical psychotherapist, life coach, relationship and resiliency expert, motivational speaker and corporate consultant. He is also the President and Chief Executive Officer of R.E.A.L. Horizons Consulting Service, located in Silver Spring, Maryland. To learn more about Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham visit his website at www.DrBuckingham.com.

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4 Strategies to Help Husbands and Wives Submit to One Another

BY: - 4 Jan '18 | Marriage

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Submitting to one another is something you do for each other. It is something you do for the betterment and success of your marriage. It is something you do that will help to set a standard for generations to come. Your marriage will benefit, as will the future marriages of your children and their children after them. You have the opportunity to create legacy in your marriage; submission is a part of that legacy. These four strategies are full of potential to help you succeed.

Communicate often.

Communication is the sending and receiving of a message to achieve a common understanding or common union. It does not mean agreement but standing under the mind of another to receive the message they are conveying. If a message is sent and not received, or sent and not understood, communication has not taken place.

The goal here is to communicate often. This means coming to the conversation with an open heart to hear and receive what your mate is saying and having your mate do the same. Take note, when communicating deeply, your mate has opened his or her heart to you. Use your words to support the fact that your mate trusts you enough to be vulnerable in your presence.

Stick to the mission.

Instead of thinking “mission impossible,” think “mission possible.” Direct your thoughts and openly acknowledge that this mission is possible. Now, stick to the mission. Circumstances will arise that threaten to get you off track. Don’t let them. Look beyond the challenge or thrill of today, and see your breathtaking future laid out by your mission. Use your imagination to see the possibilities even before they unfold.

You want a new pair of shoes, but it’s not time because a financial goal stated in your mission for this year is to pay down your debt by $10,000. Release the momentary thrill of buying the shoes, and dig into the thrill of freedom that being $10,000 out of debt will bring.

You will have opportunities every day, every hour, to make decisions that support your mission. Recognize that every choice you make has a consequence. Ask yourself if that consequence supports your marriage mission.

Demonstrate love for your mate with no strings attached.

Love should not come with strings attached. Neither should submission. Remember submission is something you do for each other. It is not something used to get one’s way or to manipulate your mate through control, by making them feel guilty, withholding sexual relations, withholding finances, or the like. Avoid thought processes such as “I did this, so you should do that.” That’s “tit for tat,” something employed by children. Childish ways do not support an adult marriage.

Unconditional love, or love with no strings attached, is patient and kind. This kind of love doesn’t keep a record of everything you’ve done wrong and use it against you. If this love is patient, it must also be slow to get angry. This love protects and perseveres. Yet and still, this love is not foolish or a sign of weakness. It takes a person who is confident in themselves to love like this. It is up to you to make the daily decision, consciously or unconsciously, to love without strings attached. You can do it. Offer your mate this type of love and experience the results it brings.

Lay aside your ego and place your mate above your position.

Loving with no strings attached may require setting aside your ego and placing your mate above your position. After all, who loves you back, your position or your mate?

If you take on the attitude of “people first,” or “people before position,” it will be easier to set aside your ego for your mate. As husband and wife, there should be no competition for value or worth between you. You are both valuable as people and equally valuable partners in your union together. In the workforce, there may be a place for competition and trying to outshine the next person to gain promotion—not so in your marriage. Be there for each other. Make a constant effort to elevate each other. In that, you edge out ego in your marriage.

As you evolve and experience life together, enjoy the unity that comes as you move through this process. Unity has the power to strengthen your marriage; let it do its work. Enjoy the evolution as you continue to grow and move from one victory to another within your marriage relationship. Submit to the mission, thereby submitting to one another.

BMWK, are you ready to submit to one another?

About the author

Deborah L. Mills wrote 185 articles on this blog.

Coach, AUTHOR, Speaker, WIFE, Mom, and GRANDMOTHER. That's the gist of who I am. I love people and love to see their life and relationships thrive. As a coach I am ready to support your dream when you don't feel like it. As an author and speaker I am ready to pour into your life so that you can live your best life now. I am a personal and executive coach. Together with my husband I also marriage coach. GO TO MY WEBSITE. THERE IS A FREE GIFT THERE WAITING FOR YOU. http://bit.ly/2deborahlmills

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