Affair Repair- 4 Reasons to L.O.V.E. Valentine’s Day!

BY: - 14 Feb '18 | Infidelity

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We are approaching “that” holiday, yeah you know the one:  Valentine’s Day!  The main day devoted to ALL things romance!

No matter where you are in your affair repair, Valentine’s Day is not to be ignored.

Societal conditioning tells us that acts of love have to be grand gestures.  However, I’d like to lovingly challenge you to rethink Valentine’s Day in respect to repairing your marriage after an affair… an act of love doesn’t have to always be a grand romantic gesture; it can be simple but profound and most of all impactful in this season of your marriage.

This Valentine’s Day is your opportunity to do something different to possibly win over & win back your spouse, your love, your…valentine!

Make this Valentine’s Day about TRUE L.O.V.E. by adding:

Laughter

Having a sense of humor is great for you and your spouse’s mood, health, and the marriage! Laughter is good medicine, literally. It has important physiological effects on you and your spouse.

Humor brings more than physiological benefits to a husband and wife. Humor helps us cope with the trivial but also with the tragedies like an affair.

Learn how to affair-proof your marriage from this day forward with our FREE eGuide – 3 Ways to Rebuild Your Marriage After an Affair

My husband & I love to attend comedy shows (hint hint) where we have heard comedians say things like, laughter is an “instant vacation,” or “You can’t stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh,” and “If you can find humor in anything, you can survive it.” These are all food for thought with a touch of truth, yes?

Studies have revealed that individuals who have a strong sense of humor are less likely to experience burnout and depression and they’re more likely to enjoy life in general — including their marriage!

Open-Mindedness

The way you react to a situation determines its outcome, and having an open mind can help you make the best out of repairing an affair.

Being open-minded is also about understanding the fact that your own ideas and beliefs may not be held by your spouse. Chances are you’ve found yourself in a situation where your beliefs conflict with your spouse.  Open-minded spouses listen, reflect, and choose to calmly respond. As a compassionate and competent person, you should be able to listen to your spouse’s beliefs, even if you don’t completely agree. By being closed-minded, we can hinder much-needed growth from taking place in our marriages.

Remember that you don’t always have to be right—it’s hard, I know—but it is more important that you try to understand where your spouse is coming from and what makes your spouse think the way he/she does.  If you do this, you can strengthen your own ideas and beliefs. It is also beneficial to see things from different perspectives.

Volunteering

There’s no denying that helping others in need makes the heart feel good. In fact, performing acts of kindness releases serotonin — a chemical in your brain that has major health benefits.

Instead of focusing on gifts this Valentine’s Day, focus on what you have to offer others together through your marital union. Being selfless will help reduce some of the stress brought on by an affair and increase your overall sense of well-being and fulfillment. Spending time together is important so volunteering provides spouses with a shared activity that both can enjoy while their marriage is becoming better based on this unifying experience.

Express Gratitude

Appreciating what you have is better than thinking too much on what you want. When you show appreciation for your spouse, your spouse becomes more valuable to you and deepens your sense of happiness and connection.

In my professional work as a coach, I hear examples every day of people who feel unappreciated and taken for granted by their spouse. Also, many people focus on what they do not have in their marriage versus what they do have.

Before you throw in the towel and give up, you may want to try one simple act; not only can it save your marriage, but it can make each partner feel more loved, valued, appreciated and happy: that’s right you guessed it…gratitude!

Learn how to affair-proof your marriage from this day forward with our FREE eGuide – 3 Ways to Rebuild Your Marriage After an Affair

Showing and verbalizing appreciation to your spouse is vital. If both husband and wife feel valued, needed, and loved by their spouse, the tendency to complain, nag, and argue which contributes to affairs will naturally decrease.

So, even if you do have disagreements, expressing gratefulness regularly can neutralize the problems associated with conflicts in marriage.

Love is not measured in bouquets of flowers or boxes of chocolate on Valentine’s Day, but in the smallest actions you take to express your L.O.V.E. for your spouse.

BMWK, How will you implement the l.o.v.e. on Valentine’s Day?

About the author

Da-Nay Macklin wrote 59 articles on this blog.

Coach Da-Nay Macklin is a Certified Christian Life & Relationship Coach, founder of the Courageous Conquerors Mastermind and Author of Love After Adultery: The Breakthrough Journey of the Brokenhearted Available on Amazon She is one of the nation’s leading experts on infidelity and a thought leader on maximizing potential as she assists couples and individuals to live life by design and not default. Da-Nay has been has been featured on the Oprah Winfrey Network’s show Unfaithful: Stories of Betrayal after successfully navigating adultery in her marriage, and named one of the 15 most powerful women on the south side of Chicago. She now resides in Charlotte, NC with her loving husband and daughter.

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Spouse Cheated? 30 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Calling It Quits

BY: - 26 Feb '18 | Infidelity

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After infidelity in our relationship and prior to making a decision to call it quits, I thought LOOOONG and hard about what to do.  Notice I did not say the “D” word!  If you are like me, you have learned over the years the seeds you plant and nurture will take root and grow.  Therefore, I have made it my business to intentionally not allow myself to even think, let alone verbalize the “D” word.

The choice to dissolve a marriage isn’t one to be taken easily nor for granted either.  While coaching clients over the years, it has been my observation that calling it quits comes after many months and often times many years of trying to make it work and weighing options.

Learn how to affair-proof your marriage from this day forward with our FREE eGuide – 3 Ways to Rebuild Your Marriage After an Affair

When pondering this myself, I kept coming back to a commitment I made to myself for the benefit of honoring our marriage. I had to ask myself one major question along with several other important questions. Even though I’m not “Pro-Divorce,” there are certainly times when marriages need to consider certain questions too.  Before crossing this bridge, I would like to encourage while empowering you to consider the following holistic questions to ask your spouse and yourself BEFORE calling it quits…

  1. Why did we fall in love in the first place?
  2. Do you feel accepted by me?
  3. Do you feel loved by me?
  4. Do you feel loved in the way you need and desire me to love you?
  5. Do you feel able to communicate with me? Is our communication clear?
  6. Do you trust me? If not, how can I gain your trust back?
  7. Do we need to resolve past hurts? Do we need to resolve current hurts?
  8. What are your expectations of counseling? Should it be individually or as a couple?
  9. Why are we not in counseling? (OR) Is counseling producing results for us?
  10. What are our MAIN issues?
  11. Which issues are MOST important to who and why?
  12. Are you willing to change to make improvements?
  13. Which issues can we BOTH be flexible on?
  14. What bothers you most about me?
  15. Which issues are deal breakers?
  16. Does either of us REALLY want to call it quits?
  17. What are the reasons you really want to work things out?
  18. How do you see the future?
  19. Are we merely going through a bad season in our marriage?
  20. Are you satisfied with our sex life and overall intimacy?
  21. In spite of the issue(s) do we overall enjoy each other and the marriage?
  22. What is truly within your control to change?
  23. How would you feel if your next five years were just like the last five?
  24. Am I really PREPARED to go through with this?
  25. Am I prepared to keep my emotions out of the divorce process?
  26. If I go through with this, will I be able to maintain my lifestyle?
  27. How do I pay my expenses during the divorce process?
  28. Will I try to move on from the divorce and not see myself as a victim?
  29. Can my partner and I try to honor our marriage and the memories we share?

Last but certainly not least…

  1. Have WE EXHAUSTED EVERY OPTION?!?

This question to me is the MAJOR question because before I dared to call it quits in my own marriage, I would say “Da-Nay have you REALLY exhausted EVERY single option?”  See, it was important to me, regardless of my emotions (be careful not make major decisions while under the influence of emotions) to have a clear conscience and be able to sit with myself at the end of the day knowing that I did EVERYTHING within my control for the sake of our marriage.

Sure, I wanted to have a clear conscience and not be burdened by guilt. But I always felt this was a way of honoring our marriage whether my husband felt like it or not, or whether I did not find my husband worthy at times.  I knew the vow I had taken and it was my “duty” to take it seriously.  I can say I’m so glad that I did!

Having been through all of the above, it has truly taught my husband and me the value of being as proactive vs. reactive as possible.  We’ve seen this value manifest through the “golden nuggets” communicated between one another that set each other, and our marriage, up for success.

After going through, and maybe even before these questions, you probably know each other better than anyone else. By asking the above questions it gives you and your spouse the unique opportunity to create significant awareness about yourselves that you both may desire to work on, amend, or completely change in your marriage.

The best part is that it could very well save your marriage! Both spouses are likely to share critical information the other needed to hear in order to feel wholeheartedly led to show up and put some genuine effort into the marriage.  In short, don’t process what you ‘shoulda, woulda, coulda’ done differently after your spouse has called it quits.  Do it NOW to MAKE a REAL difference and to limit regrets.

BMWK, have you asked all the right questions to give your marriage a chance after infidelity?

About the author

Da-Nay Macklin wrote 59 articles on this blog.

Coach Da-Nay Macklin is a Certified Christian Life & Relationship Coach, founder of the Courageous Conquerors Mastermind and Author of Love After Adultery: The Breakthrough Journey of the Brokenhearted Available on Amazon She is one of the nation’s leading experts on infidelity and a thought leader on maximizing potential as she assists couples and individuals to live life by design and not default. Da-Nay has been has been featured on the Oprah Winfrey Network’s show Unfaithful: Stories of Betrayal after successfully navigating adultery in her marriage, and named one of the 15 most powerful women on the south side of Chicago. She now resides in Charlotte, NC with her loving husband and daughter.

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