4 Key Ingredients to Creating Electrifying Emotional Intimacy in Your Marriage

BY: - 2 Mar '18 | Intimacy

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Emotional intimacy is how close you feel emotionally to your spouse. It speaks to the type of connection that you share with one another, the non-sexual affection that you show, and how you communicate, openly and honestly. In its simplest terms, emotional intimacy speaks to the friendship that you share with your husband or your wife. Here are four key ingredients to creating electrifying emotional intimacy in your marriage.

Talk to Each Other Just Because

Remember back when you and your spouse were dating and you would call him or her for no reason at all. You would pick up the phone just to hear her voice and say “Hey.” You would send a text that said something pointless like “what u doing?” Have you done that recently? Or do your phone calls and texts these days sound something like “When was the last time the car had an oil change?” or “Can you put the white clothes in the dryer?”

You’re married, so falling asleep talking on the phone is unnecessary, especially because you’re ideally sleeping in the same bed. Still, it’s nice to feel that emotional connection that comes from knowing that your spouse still values your conversation. Those conversations are an important part of being able to continue to connect and maintain your intimacy.

Start trying to re-connect by making it a point to sometimes call just because not to talk about errands, or the kids, or what’s for dinner, but just to talk. You may not be able to have a long conversation. Even if it’s just to call and say “Just wanted to say I love you,” you’ll be stronger for it.

Say Thank You

How many times have you taken the time to say “thank you” to your spouse this week? Sometimes in the day-to-day frenzy, expressing gratitude can get lost. Think of one thing that your spouse has done over the past week and take a moment to express your gratitude. It’s a little thing but goes a long way in making your husband or wife feel appreciated.

Laugh Together

Doesn’t it feel good to be able to sit with someone and crack up laughing at the same things? Doesn’t it automatically make you feel close to someone when you can share your own little inside jokes? Marriage doesn’t have to be all serious, with “let’s sit here and reflect on our commitment” conversations all the time. Being able to laugh with your spouse helps strengthen your emotional connection and brings you closer to one another. Thankfully, we live in a world with cable, Netflix, and YouTube, so if you find yourself trying to figure out things to laugh at, just search “funny” and you likely will not be disappointed.

Give a Good Greeting

One of my favorite things about coming home or going to pick up my son from school after a long day is the greeting I receive. As I walk up, I can see him looking out the window and smiling in anticipation for me to open the door. Once I do, I get a loud “Mommy!” as he runs to me with open arms. This moment in my day makes me feel like all the other tomfoolery I’ve had to put up with from him before (and that I know I’ll put up with after that moment) more than worth it.

How good would it make your spouse feel to be welcomed home in a way that made him or her feel like you were blessed and excited to be back in their presence after however long you’ve however long you’ve been apart? Now I’m not suggesting that you stand in the window as he or she walks up the driveway and knock him or her over with a hug at the door. But you can do a lot better than yelling “hey” from your laptop when your spouse walks in.

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Take a full minute to stop whatever it is that you’re doing when you see your spouse this evening. That means get off of the phone, close the laptop, move away from the television, and greet your spouse like you actually haven’t seen him or her all day and that you’re happy for the opportunity to meet again. A hug, a kiss, a “How was your day”—all of these things that take seconds go a long way in letting our spouses know that they’re special.

Have a Regular Date Night

Making time for the little things is important to maintaining your intimacy, but your marriage can’t be all little things all of the time. You do need to have some time now and then where you actually have to bid the kids goodbye and leave the house. I know that this is hard. Childcare and finances will play a big role in how often you will be able to go out on a real “date.”

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The frequency with which you are able to do this will vary greatly from couple to couple based on circumstances.  There is no “magic number” as to how often you have to do it. The important thing is that you do it. Pick a date, whether it’s this weekend or three months from now, make it your date night, and block it out on your calendar.

If you know that money or childcare is an issue, block it out for far enough in advance so that you can start managing the logistics between now and then, but make sure that you block out that date and let nothing but an act of God stand between you and it.

BMWK, are you ready to create electrifying emotional intimacy with your spouse?

About the author

Aja Dorsey Jackson wrote 214 articles on this blog.

Aja Dorsey Jackson is a freelance writer and marriage educator in Baltimore, Maryland and author of the blog and book, Making Love in the Microwave.

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3 Ways to Prevent Your Bedroom From Becoming a Mortuary

BY: - 6 Apr '18 | Intimacy

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There are so many men who are dealing with being rejected in the bedroom by their wives. Instead of being a pleasure palace, your bedroom is becoming a mortuary. I’ve talked to so many men who have expressed their heart on this issue. This is an emotionally unhealthy place for a man to find himself. If you are in that position, you must turn your desire and need over to God during these times. God already knows how you feel and understands this is difficult to express in words because your soul is in agony.

As a man, you must know that your need for sex is real. You must deal with the reality of your situation and not fall into sinful lust. You must deny yourself of any other resource that could bring sexual pleasure. This is the time that, as a man, you must yield yourself before God and ask Him to prevent your bedroom from becoming a mortuary. Here are 3 ways to bring your bedroom back to life and ignite the flames of passion.

Take Your Prayer Life to the Next Level in the Bedroom

Your prayer life must intensify, and you literally must cry out to God. Ask Him to help you to continue to be the man He wants you to be. The movie, War Room exemplifies the true essence of implementing the Word of God within a marriage. In the movie, “Miss Clara” taught a wife how to go into her secret place to win the heart of her husband. Her secret place represented where she “went to war” spiritually.

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As men, we can do the same thing. We must make a big, bold, and brave decision to do something we have never done before to turn things around so we can experience love like no other. As believers, I find that we have not been taught how to correlate the intimacy in our marriage to our prayer life with God. Sexual intercourse between a husband and wife is an act of worship. Husbands and wives must look at intimacy and sex as a unified weapon to destroy the schemes and wiles of the devil. The moment your bedroom becomes a mortuary, the devil wins. You must believe in intimacy to the degree that it makes you closer, not only in your marriage but in your walk with God.

Be Vulnerable with your Spouse in the Bedroom

As a man, can you be vulnerable for one minute and admit that you have been weakened because of rejection. This can cause your confidence and stamina to diminish for various reasons. When a man’s confidence has been stolen or damaged, it impacts his strength to go beyond the veil. He will not experience the maximum from that divine secret place of intimacy. I know that this is a hard truth to face because it lowers your self-esteem. What man wants to humble himself to confess that his self-esteem has been diminished? A real man who is ready to ignite the flames of passion once again can make this confession.

To do so, you must be transparent. If you want to prevent your bedroom from becoming a mortuary, be quick to share your feelings with your spouse. Time is of the essence so don’t bottle up your emotions. This can lead to anger and frustration. Admitting that something is bothering you will help you address the problem immediately, and your spouse will see your attempt at honesty. The more vulnerable you can become the more you can be yourself. In return, it will aid in forming more of an emotional connection with your spouse. Your bedroom should be a haven a place of refuge. Some things don’t just happen. They must be created.

Respect and Serve Unconditionally in the Bedroom

Intimacy and sex can be magnified as though it is the ultimate encounter a man needs. Although it is a need, it is not the main ingredient. The main ingredient for a man is respect. He is made to receive respect, especially from his wife.

A wife respecting her husband exemplifies her trust in his ability to provide leadership. Within the protection lies provision for a man. As the wife shows respect, she is providing the husband emotional stability. Despite our downfalls, her respect makes her man feel good about himself. Every man recognizes that he has feelings and he must be allowed to acknowledge that respect “kneads” those feelings.

A husband and wife must die to self for his/her spouse to live. One reason a marriage is put together by God is for each person to meet the sexual need of the other. You must make your place of intimacy with the mindset that it is not about you. Unavoidably, there are times that you’re going to be tired and just don’t feel like sacrificing for the other person. However, a marriage requires really giving your all to serve your spouse by meeting each other’s needs on your own without seeming as if it’s a duty.

By: Deavin Ross

About the Author: Deavin Ross, author of L.O.V.E – The Second Time Around: Strategies and insight on how men can heal from the detriments of divorce, establish blended families, and rebuild their confidence as a man & husband! To learn more about Deavin Ross visit his website at www.theloveauthor.com.

About the author

BMWK Staff wrote 1260 articles on this blog.

Content and articles from the staff and guest contributors of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com

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