Why “Just” Praying For Your Marriage Doesn’t Work

BY: - 5 Mar '18 | Faith

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By: Dr. Alduan Tartt

Now before you shoot me, let me scream to the top of my lungs… “I believe in the power of prayer!” I have seen God do too many amazing things in my life to believe otherwise. I know beyond a shadow of doubt that…Prayer Changes Things! James 5:16 states it clearly, “Confess your faults to one another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man (woman) availeth much.”

However, as a psychologist who works with couples every day I see Christian couples often ask, “Why is my marriage stressful if we are both Christians and pray?” It’s a good question because intellectually, we believe that being a Christian and praying each night should be enough to make marriage (and life for that matter) work.

If you think about it, however, you realize that it really doesn’t make much practical sense. For example, do you believe that being a Christian and praying nightly will make you a great…Business owner…  Real estate agent…  Athlete…  Chef…without also doing the work?

Of course not.

FREE WEBINAR – Wednesday, May 23, 2018: The Four Biggest Marriage Killers of Christian Marriages in 2018 – SIGN UP TODAY

In order to be great at business, real estate, sports and cooking you have to put in the necessary work to develop and hone your skills. What does the Bible say about hard work? James 2:14-18 says “What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus, also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith, and I have works.” Show me your faith without your works, and I will show you my faith by my works.

In this short passage, the word “works” appears five times. So, it appears to me that God commands believers to exhibit faith and works. In fact, our works serve as evidence of our faith. How does this apply to Christian marriage? I’ll answer your question with a question…

How does it benefit your marriage if you are praying but…

  • Using abusive language towards your wife…?
  • Haven’t been on date with your spouse in months?
  • Not having sex with your spouse so that your mutual intimacy needs can be met?
  • Giving more attention to work, a smart phone, or social media versus your helpmate?
  • You shut down, walk out or over talk your spouse while trying to resolve conflict?

The answer is obvious…It doesn’t. The real truth is that in order for your marriage to work, you must also behave as a Godly couple. This means that you must combine faith, prayer, and works. What do I mean by works?

Wednesday, May 23, 2018: Fix Your Marriage in 2018 with this FREE ONLINE TRAINING

You have to follow God’s instructions on how to develop and maintain a Godly marriage. Specifically, you have to learn the necessary marital, relationship skills to successfully build communication, intimacy, quality time, and fellowship that defines a Godly marriage. “Just praying” for your marriage is unacceptable and only part of the equation when God is demanding you to take action!

  • Didn’t Paul actually have to send letters and visit churches around the world to establish the Church?
  • Didn’t Queen Esther have to actually coordinate that dinner to expose Haman to save her
    people?
  • Didn’t Peter have to actually evangelize after betraying his savior three times?

The answer is yes, yes, and yes! And you must do the same. You must put in work on your marriage for it to work and combine that with the power of prayer. The question I have for you is when would be a good time for you to work on your marriage? I mean really work on your marriage by building up your relationship skills as a couple so that you can have a strong Godly marriage?

I talk about this is in a system I call, The Fix My Marriage System where you’ll learn how to:

  1. Improve your communication skills so you can actually listen to your spouse
  2. How to resolve conflict without fighting and ruining your peace of mind
  3. How to rebuild trust and improve intimacy

First, however, I want to invite you to a FREE webinar entitled, “The Four Biggest Marriage Killers of Christian Marriages in 2018.” I want your marriages to thrive! Check out this page for more information on how to register and reserve your slot. The webinar will take place on Wednesday, May 23rd at 9PM ET.

We had many disappointed people last month because they registered too late and couldn’t
register so sign up now and text your spouse to watch with you. Register here for more information on how to fix and strengthen your marriage. You don’t have to spend another night going to bed angry.

Here’s what happens next…You sign up for the webinar here and I’ll teach you the 4 Biggest  Marriage Killers so you can avoid them and your marriage can be blessed. One more thing, I’ll send you a gift, 99 Scriptures For Building a Strong Godly Marriage, right to your inbox for you to study as a couple just for signing up.

Sign up here to avoid the common mistakes Christian couples make to stress out their marriage
and claim your free gift. Remember, God wants your marriage to thrive! I want to help you learn the skills to make marriage easier, more fulfilling and peaceful.

God Bless!

BMWK, are you ready to get rid of the marriage killers?

About the Author: Dr. Alduan Tartt is a clinical psychologist with a focus on faith, mental health and relationships of all sorts (single, dating, marriage, family, sports, etc.). Dr. Tartt has a private practice and also speaks frequently at conferences, churches, organizations on improving relationships, families and mental health. Dr. Tartt also hosts radio and television shows and is a frequent guest on major media outlets. Dr. Tartt also counsels other healers and helpers (pastors, ministers, doctors, entertainers) who need to be encouraged, supported and filled up.

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Content and articles from the staff and guest contributors of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com

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7 of the Amazing Riches You Get When You Unleash Christ in Your Marriage

BY: - 9 Mar '18 | Faith

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In a recent article I wrote titled 20 God-Centered Tips For a Successful Christian Marriage, I outlined some tips to help develop the kind of relationship where God’s word is front and center in your union.  Many of those character traits are far from easy to live by, but if you desire a successful Christian marriage, they are worth pursuing.

But, what exactly does “successful” mean? While success can mean different things to different people, I think it’s fair to say that when it comes to relationships, particularly marriage, we are all on the same page. Simply put, we want to be happy.

Interestingly though, many couples try to achieve that happiness according to their own standard. Of course, that’s all well and good if that’s the decision you’ve made for your life and your relationship. This article then, while it could still prove helpful, isn’t necessarily geared toward you. Instead, it is meant for those who have chosen to be followers of Christ.

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You see, once you’ve decided to truly make Jesus the Lord of your life, it’s a game changer. The standards are set higher and the resulting happiness is “immeasurably more” than you could ask or imagine. In essence, amazing things are headed your way.

We know this because in Jeremiah 29:11 it says, “for I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Now, while prosperity gospel is all the rage, I don’t think this message is meant to have you salivating over financial gains. Instead, I believe the plans that God has for you will make you and your relationships rich in ways that bring you no harm, gives you hope, and secures the future of your marriage.

Rich in Love

Read 1 Corinthians 13 – When you first start dating and your relationship is fresh, it can be easy to “feel” the love your mate has for you. The promise of God in a Christian marriage takes the love deeper and for the long haul. Through the good, the bad, the rich, and the poor times, Christlike love will be the thing that steadies the boat.

Rich in Kindness

Read Ephesians 4:32 – A marriage steeped in Christ is a marriage rich in acts of kindness. Imagine receiving or giving just for the sake of pleasing your spouse. The awww factor between man and wife is elevated when two people choose the standard set by Jesus in showing mercy, grace, and forgiveness. All of these are the breeding ground upon which kindness is nurtured and ultimately enriched in a relationship.

Rich in Submission

Read Ephesians 5:21 – This is one of my favorite scriptures because it really does set the bar high for both men and women. While submission is usually attributed to the woman, it is clear that Christ means for us to submit to one another. For the successful marriage, this often means finding a way to compromise and ensure that each other’s needs are met.

Rich in Respect

Read Ephesians 5:33 – When a husband allows Christ to permeate his love for his wife, she often willingly allows Christ to enrich her respect for her husband. But what I love about this scripture is that by his love, we can be assured of the husband’s respect for his wife. In the same way, by her respect, we can be assured of the wife’s love for her husband.

Rich in Sexual Intimacy

Read Mark 10:7-8 – The Bible gives one main reason a man leaves his father and mother. It is so that he can unite with his wife and the two become one flesh. That’s right. God wants your marriage to be rich in sexual intimacy. This is where you really become one. Only in intercourse are your hearts, minds, and bodies truly intertwined all at once. When the two become one flesh with Christ, then your relationship becomes difficult to unravel.

Click Here to Join our FREE 5-Day Spiritual Intimacy Challenge

Rich in Faithfulness

Read Proverbs 28:20 – I find it interesting that this scripture turns out to be the heartbeat of all the others above. It is a call to faithfulness that leads to blessing. But it’s not just any kind of blessing…but a rich blessing. Not only that but when you are faithful to Christ first, it becomes a no-brainer to be faithful to your spouse.

When we make a decision to seek Christ with all of our hearts and unleash Him in our marriage, something amazing happens to our relationship. We begin to recognize God’s plans for us and those plans lead to an amazing life and a marriage rich in every kind of blessing.

BMWK, are you ready to unleash Christ in your marriage?

About the author

Joann Fisher wrote 157 articles on this blog.

Joann Fisher has been a writer and editor for both print and online newpapers and magazines for the last 10 years. She now serves as a Writer/Editor at BMWK and lead Editor for The Joy Network.

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