5 Tips to Upgrade Your Flirting Game and Snag a Man With Swag

BY: - 1 Mar '18 | Single

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Do you know how to be so magnetic with men that they melt in your presence and relentlessly pursue you without you ever looking desperate or thirsty? If the answer is no, then it’s time for you to upgrade your flirting game.

Flirting is all about showing the person you’re interested in that you are…well…interested! Batting your eyes, smiling, witty conversation, touching, and more are all tools to use when you’re flirting. As a dating coach, one of the top skills I work on with my clients is showing them how to not be so serious all the time and playfully engage with the man they want, whether it’s on a dating app like Real Black Love, or offline in a grocery store. I tell them to identify a Flirting Icon, a person they admire (but don’t necessarily know) who models for them the flirting style they’d like to adopt.

Take, for example, Lupita Nyong’o, one of the stars from the box office smash hit, Black Panther. Lupita is breaking the Internet right now because her flirt game is so strong that everyone from TMZ to Buzzfeed to Black Twitter is wondering if she and co-star Michael B Jordan are dating. A quick peruse of Lupita’s Instagram shows her hugged up with Michael backstage at The View and teasing him at the Tom Ford fashion show during New York’s Fashion Week. The sparks seem to jump off our smartphones!

So how does she flirt so effortlessly? And what pointers can you glean from her that you can use in your own love life? (You’re gonna want to take notes):

1. Be Willing To Play (Even Though You’re Serious About Relationships)

All of this flirtatious energy is happening in the context of a bet Lupita made with Michael on the set of Black Panther.  He lost and now has to do push-ups whenever she commands him to do so (that’s how the sisters do it in Wakanda!). Her ongoing collection of the bet whenever she runs into Michael during publicity for the movie, creates excuses (AHEM reasons) to continue to see him privately. And she takes the playful banter online too.  Have you seen her IG stories, and that “chocolate cakes” Tweet he sent her? Scandalous, girl!

2. Smile and Serve Him Eye Contact

Lupita has a million dollar smile and she uses it as a weapon! She’s also not afraid to use her eyes to draw Michael’s attention. He has no choice but to treat her like she’s the only girl in the world.

3. Touch Him

Lupita finds reasons to touch Michael as she talks to him, and she focuses on places that would be off-limits to another man. We see her lightly resting her hand on one of his thighs during an interview with the cast of Black Panther.  Her hands gently caress his face, and she grabs his forearms while she laughs when she sneaks up on him backstage at The View. Through this non-verbal communication, she’s sending a clear message: I’m not one of the boys! 

4. No Strings Attached

Lupita doesn’t seem attached to any outcome, and that’s why everyone is trying to figure out if they’re really an item or not. She’s not trying to make anything happen, so she comes across as natural, confident and irresistible! This final tip is uber important. If you’re going to flirt successfully, you can’t come across as trying too hard. You’ve got to be fine with yourself if the flirting doesn’t result in a relationship (or even a date). It’s all for fun!

5. Release Your Inhibitions

I’m going to tell you exactly what I tell my clients: The only thing stopping YOU from snagging your own version of a Michael B. Jordan is your secret inhibitions. You’re too worried about getting rejected or looking desperate or sexual. You don’t want to violate the rules your family taught you about being a “good girl,” or you feel awkward and freeze if a good looking man looks your way.

When you let your inhibitions control you, you end up sending the wrong “I-don’t-want-to-be-bothered” vibe to men. You’ll shut them down instead of drawing them in. Take these tips from Lupita Nyong’o and let your inner flirt free!

BMWK, how’s your flirt game? And, do you think Lupita Nyong’o and Michael B. Jordan should just date? Post your thoughts below! 

About the author

Aesha Adams Roberts wrote 182 articles on this blog.

Dr. Aesha is a matchmaker, dating coach, speaker and author of the book, Can I Help A Sister Out: How To Meet & Marry The Man of Your Dreams. After years of making painful dating mistakes, she met & married her husband in 11 short months and has made it her mission to help women and men find and keep the love of their lives.

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Single and Unattached? 5 Reasons Dating One Man at a Time Could Be a Big Mistake

BY: - 7 Mar '18 | Relationships

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Let’s say you meet a man who has everything you’ve been praying for.

  • He’s handsome.
  • He’s educated.
  • He’s kind.
  • He’s stable in every way.

The dates are exciting, and after a few months find yourself becoming attached to him. But then, things change. There’s friction and distance as you notice some serious incompatibilities that you can’t get past. After 6 months of talking, things come to an end. You’re hurt and disappointed, so you take a break from dating for 6 months. Before you know it, a whole year has passed, and you’re back at square one: still single! You’re a year older, and when you look down at your ring finger, it’s still empty. Pressure, anxiety and hopelessness sets in and you decided dating is just not worth putting your heart on the line.

If you’re the kind of sister who likes to date one man at a time because you’re afraid of looking thirsty or desperate, I’ve got to warn you: you are wasting your time! Here are 5 reasons why:

1. You Put Too Much Pressure On Men to Reveal Their Intentions On Date Number One

When you date one man at a time, you put too much pressure on men (and yourself) to somehow know if this person is your life partner on a first date. I know you don’t want to waste your time, so you interrogate men to figure out if they want love and marriage or if they just want to hook up. While some guys are just playing around and aren’t honest about their intentions, most men won’t tell you upfront if they want a wife. Why? Because they don’t want you to think they’re saying YOU are the woman they want to spend the rest of their lives with. I mean, how can they know that from one coffee date? They want time to figure out who you are (and that’s a GOOD thing).

2. You Assume That A Few Great Dates Mean You’re In A Real Relationship

An exciting date with lots of chemistry and attraction doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in a relationship. The problem is you ACT like you’re in a relationship, limiting your options before you even know if you’re headed in the same direction. You’re setting yourself up for heartbreak, sis, because he has no obligation to commit just because you feel like you have a connection.

3. You Get Emotionally Attached Before You Get To Exclusivity

You need to be open with the man you’re dating, but don’t get emotionally attached until you’re exclusive. And you’re not exclusive until you hear the words, “I only want to date you,” and you’ve both discussed your relationship requirements and needs.

4. You Put Your Life On Hold While You Wait For Him To Figure Out What He Wants

You’ve been seeing each other for months now, but every time you ask him “what are we doing?” he claims you’re pressuring him. Your fertility clock is ticking and you’re worried he may not really want marriage, but you back off because you don’t want to lose him.

Putting your life on hold makes you lose your confidence. You’re settling for less by waiting for him to figure out what he wants, instead of giving yourself your own desires by continuing to meet men who are willing to give you the commitment you deserve.

5. You Stick It Out Even When You Discover He’s Not The One Because You Invested So Much Time Into The Relationship Already

As a dating coach, I’ve heard from so many sisters who have told me they spent 5, 10, and even 20 years in a relationship that they knew wasn’t right for them. They stayed because walking away would mean facing the harsh reality that they’d invested the best time of their life with someone who never wanted to build a real life with them.

There’s another way to date that can keep you off the emotional roller coaster of the “I-think-I-met-my-husband-on-date-number-2–ops-you-aren’t-the-one-I’m-brokenhearted-now-I’ve-got-to-start-over” cycle that drags your heart through the ringer and wastes your time.

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The answer is to date casually, meeting lots of different men until you meet someone who is compatible and also desires love and commitment like you do. Dating more than one person at a time frees you from the pressure of figuring to if you’ve met your husband from a first text. And going out with a variety of men helps you get clear on the right man is for you. You’ll stop giving away your power, hoping a man chooses you, and instead exercise the right to be selective about who can win your heart.

BMWK single ladies, if you’re serious about relationships, are you willing to date casually? 

About the author

Aesha Adams Roberts wrote 182 articles on this blog.

Dr. Aesha is a matchmaker, dating coach, speaker and author of the book, Can I Help A Sister Out: How To Meet & Marry The Man of Your Dreams. After years of making painful dating mistakes, she met & married her husband in 11 short months and has made it her mission to help women and men find and keep the love of their lives.

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