Single Ladies: 3 Signs Your Man is “Micro-Cheating”

BY: - 30 Apr '18 | Infidelity

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Micro-cheating is the new buzz word in modern dating, and it’s used to describe the seemingly harmless, tiny actions that could lead up to full-blown infidelity. Micro-cheating may never lead up to sex, and it isn’t exactly an emotional affair, where your partner is turning to someone else for a shoulder to lean on. In fact, the actions your man may be taking may look innocent on the outside, but if they’re making you uncomfortable or leave you questioning where you stand with him, then it counts as micro-cheating. Micro-cheating may range from your partner leaving “heart eyes” emojis on another woman’s Instagram photo to hiding the text messages from his ex so you don’t see them.

If you get upset with your man about these little moments of flirtation and dishonest, you’re not just over-reacting! Micro-cheating is such a grey area, that it’s not about the actions themselves;  it’s the intention attached the actions that create drama in your relationship.

I want to give you 3 typical ways micro-cheaters behave online and offline so that you can know how to have a conversation with your man about how you feel when he flirts with another woman.

Sign #1: He’s Hiding His Relationship With You

Maybe you’re ok with your man having female friends on social media. He’s a grown man, right? But you begin noticing that his privacy settings don’t allow you to see all his posts. And when he changed his profile picture, his comments were filled with women who clearly think he’s single – and it feels like he wants it that way!

If you discover that your man is downplaying the nature of his relationship with you to other people, he is micro-cheating! Even if there isn’t another woman in the picture, he’s sending a signal that he’s available to other women by keeping you a secret.

Sign #2: He’s Hiding His Relationship With His Exes FROM You

It’s one thing to be friends with your ex. It’s another thing to hide that friendship from the person you’re currently dating! That’s what you need to tell your man if you find out he’s been secretly keeping up with his ex via social media, text messages, phone calls or meet ups at Starbucks.

It’s time to discuss your boundaries around friends of the opposite sex and let him know how his secret behavior is breaking your trust in him.

Sign #3: He’s Openly Flirting With Another Woman Like It’s No Big Deal

Maybe it’s way he keeps glancing at the server when she walks away.  Or, it’s the lingering hug he gives his “friend” from church. It could be the way he dances with one woman all night at the company gala. All you know is, his flirting makes you feel invisible, and you don’t like it.

He isn’t hiding the fact that he’s feeling another woman and that’s a problem because it crosses a line and makes you feel disrespected.

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On one hand, flirting and having friends doesn’t mean he’s cheating on you. On the other hand, being secretive about his friends and making you feel insecure about your relationship is a violation of the trust, integrity and mutual respect you need to keep your relationship moving forward.

Micro-cheating doesn’t have to be a deal breaker, but it should be a wake up call! The next step you need to take is having a real talk conversation about what cheating means to you. Then, set agreements about how you’ll respect each others’ boundaries so that both of you feel you’re getting what you need from the relationship.

BMWK, What would you add to the list? What counts as micro-cheating to you? 

About the author

Aesha Adams Roberts wrote 178 articles on this blog.

Dr. Aesha is a matchmaker, dating coach, speaker and author of the book, Can I Help A Sister Out: How To Meet & Marry The Man of Your Dreams. After years of making painful dating mistakes, she met & married her husband in 11 short months and has made it her mission to help women and men find and keep the love of their lives.

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How to Rebuild Marital Trust After an Affair

BY: - 10 May '18 | Infidelity

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As a marriage expert, I am asked the question – How do I rebuild my marriage after an affair? To many people, this is a logical question. But it’s the wrong place to start. If you are the victim of infidelity, the pain is all-consuming. Healing is a process and will take longer than you think. To make the healing process work, you want to focus on the decision to rebuild your marriage. In the first part of this article series, we will focus on rebuilding your marriage from the perspective of the injured spouse.

Establish a new start

You know about the affair. However, you haven’t walked out on the marriage or sought revenge in the arms of another. You both have decided to make your marriage work. Your spouse’s cooperation involves total openness and honesty. No more secrets, no lies, and no attempts at deceit. Working together makes establishing a new course for your relationship easier. Being open and honest is necessary for healing and mutual forgiveness.

Communicate. Don’t Condemn

It is important that you communicate all your feelings. It is normal to have intense and chaotic feelings like you have never experienced before. It is not constructive to beat up or condemn your spouse. Doing this makes them feel unsafe to be open and makes you feel out of control. A better way is to set aside 30 minutes and let your spouse know what you plan to share. Set a timer and change the subject to something more pleasant. If this is not working, then a joint session with a coach or therapist is the next step.

Admit your pain

Speak from your heart. Do not attempt to downplay the impact of an affair. It is imperative that you articulate your disappointment and hurt. This may involve screaming, crying, journaling, or even moving out of the bedroom for a while. Men are socialized to hide emotion. If a husband was the injured party, he may choose to clam up. If clamming up or not talking is a response, you may want to talk to a professional counselor. Sharing the depth of your pain with your spouse is critical. You won’t be able to achieve great sex again if one of you are feeling victimized or betrayed.

Focus on you

There is a huge temptation to blame yourself for an affair. You may question your lack of attractiveness or sexiness. This is particularly true of women. It will take great effort to reach inside yourself and find a worthy, sensual woman. If the husband is the injured spouse, he has to refuse blame and not question his sexual prowess. It is not your fault that your spouse was weak and lacked the discipline to resist. Focus on getting rid of those images in your mind of the infidelity. Redirect your focus to your new and better marriage.

Examine your contribution

This may seem to contradict the previous point. But it doesn’t. Look objectively. Take a look at any responsibility you may have had in creating the situation. This is not easy, but important. It is rare when a relationship issue is totally of one partner’s making.

Think about your spouse

Remember that your spouse is in a different emotional place than you. Being in a different place doesn’t mean he/she doesn’t love you. It also doesn’t mean that they are sorry.

In part two of this article series, we will focus on rebuilding your marriage from the perspective of the cheating spouse. Rebuilding your marriage takes two and it’s important to understand the emotional, spiritual, and mental state of the guilty party in order to move forward in your relationship. Tune in tomorrow as we complete this engaging article from a different view.

About the Author: Gail Crowder is a certified marriage and life coach plus best-selling author. She has been on dozens of television and radio shows for her expert advice on lifestyles and relationships. Her company focuses on “Bringing Sexy Back to the Marriage” (BSB) and provides a safe space dedicated to the spiritual and sexual enhancement of marriages for the modern-day wife. Visit Gail online: https://gailcrowder.com/.

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BMWK Staff wrote 1255 articles on this blog.

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