One of the most common Google searches on married life is ‘sexless marriage’. According to research, 20 percent of married couples haven’t had sex in over a year. This amounts to 40 million Americans considering themselves in a sexless marriage. If you find yourself in this situation, know that you are not alone and that there is hope. In this two-part article series, I will first outline five common causes of a sexless marriage. Then, in my next article, I’ll address how to fix them.
Life gets in the way
There is a term for the busy life without a focus on the marriage – Dual Income, No Sex. Before bills and babies, the two of you were different. The increase in responsibilities can be stressful. Common stressors are money, children, work or business and family. Listen to what’s going on with your spouse. Don’t compare your younger carefree selves to your now responsible selves. It’s not a fair comparison. Work together to find ways to reduce the stress. For example, you may have to send the children to bed earlier so you can have private time as a couple. Or decide to exercise together after work and then hop in the shower together. Two great ways to reduce stress and increase intimacy!
Emotional wounds are not addressed
Sex and intimacy are vital to any marriage. So is trust. If you have some reason not to trust your spouse or yourself, then you need to get help. Harboring unforgiveness is more likely hurting you more than your spouse. Certain feelings can be the reason a spouse is holding out on sex. Communicate with your spouse or get professional help. Finding solutions to a sexless marriage is a team effort. If one of you isn’t willing to work on solutions, you will stay in this situation.
Side effects of medications can be an issue
Many prescription meds have sexual side effects. Think back. Was a new medicine or supplement started by you or your spouse? Did you keep the long sheet of paper from the pharmacy? You can check online for side effects. If you see low sex drive or difficulty with arousal, call the doctor. You and your spouse should be working together to be healthier. The doctor will understand you want to have a healthy sex life with your spouse.
Your body is getting older
Menopause. Erectile Dysfunction. Diabetes. Slower Metabolism. They can affect the quality of sex in your marriage. But they don’t have to be reasons for not having sex. Take a trip to the doctor – you and your spouse. Talk with your doctor about adjustments in your diet or in your medication. Share with them the effects that the condition is having on your sex life. Remember you are not alone. You may even find some new hot spots as you explore one another’s mature bodies.
Personal body image is important
Nothing kills a sex drive faster than not loving your body. Bodies change. If you see a lot of negativity when you look in the mirror it’s time to change that! When you begin to love what you see in the mirror you become a more confident version of yourself. One way to do this is to give yourself compliments. So as you look at yourself in the mirror try giving yourself a compliment. This will help you become more confident. More self-confidence will fuel you to put the romance back into your marriage. Your husband will love nothing more than a confident, sexy wife!
BMWK, is your marriage suffering as a result of any of these sex killing symptoms? In my next article, I will share strategies for bringing sex back into your sexless marriage.
About the Author: Gail Crowder is a certified marriage and life coach plus best-selling author. She has been on dozens of television and radio shows for her expert advice on lifestyles and relationships. Her company focuses on “Bringing Sexy Back to the Marriage” (BSB) and provides a safe space dedicated to the spiritual and sexual enhancement of marriages for the modern-day wife. Visit Gail online: https://gailcrowder.com/.
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