7 Ways to Bring Sex and Sexy Back to Your Marriage

BY: - 24 May '18 | Intimacy

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This article is the second of a two-part series that started with 5 Common Causes of a Sexless Marriage. In the first article, we talked about the challenges that couples face that can lead to little or no activity in the bedroom. As a result, the statistics place 40 million Americans in sexless marriages and what may seem to be hopeless relationships. Well, don’t be discouraged. If you and your spouse fall into that category, this article is here to teach you how to bring sex and sexy back to your marriage. This list is not exhaustive. However, by focusing and ultimately strengthening the following five areas, intimacy will once again find it’s way into your relationship with your spouse.

#1 Communicate

You and your spouse have been together for some time, yet you may have started to take one another for granted. Make sure you have open lines of communication. Do you two talk about sex, sexual satisfaction, or the lack of it?  If you are comfortable with the conversation, then you two are off to a great start. Be clear about what you like, what you love, and what you want. Have a clear vision about sex and intimacy in your marriage.

#2 Be more positive

You may have read about marriages not being able to recover from being sexless. If you want to recover your marriage, you have to get rid of the negativity. Stop comparing your marriage to others. Some couples are happy with a few times a month where others prefer a few times a week. That’s why communication is critical. Don’t look at sex as a chore or a burden. Sex within marriage is the cornerstone of love, joy, and passion. Get excited about rekindling the flame in your marriage. Share that excitement with your spouse.

#3 Spice up the bedroom

Hotels or getaways are sexy because of the clean, inviting atmosphere. Spice up your bedroom by getting rid of any clutter. You wouldn’t feel relaxed in a hotel where shoes or magazines were all over the floor. Even worse, bills or children’s items on the bed. Commit to having a stress-free, inviting bedroom. How about some new linen? Move the TV to the basement? Have some massage oil on the pillow? Your bedroom should be a place for relaxation and romance.

#4 Do it for the Health of It

There are health benefits to a healthy sex life. Did you know sex is a source of natural pain relief? Yeah, having a headache is a reason TO have sex, not a reason to avoid it. And that toned body you want? Sex is cardio exercise, great for your heart. You can lose a little weight around the hips and thighs while enjoying lovemaking with your husband. Who needs a treadmill after a hot steamy workout like that?

Related: 5 Common Causes of a Sexless Marriage

#5 Push the Right Buttons

Couples can get comfortable with irritating their spouse. You know that putting the bread in the fridge drives them nuts, but you do it. Try pushing the right buttons by arousing your spouse throughout the day. Write a love note and put it in their pocket or briefcase. Spray their favorite cologne or perfume on a scarf or handkerchief, so they can think of you all day. Have a family member come over and watch the kids. You know how to get to your spouse. Get them excited about sex throughout the day and it will be extra spicy when it’s time.

#6 Make Time for Sex

It may not seem sexy, but it is necessary. Schedule sex with your spouse. Sit together and plan your date night and your sex night. Once you have sex scheduled, tease one another with some pre-night sexting or some spicy pics. If your marriage needs more time, then start with erotic books or movies or couples massages. Make sure you massage the feet and the head. Often ignored, but can kick the libido into high gear.

#7 Admit you may need some coaching or guidance

You could be bored of the same ol’, same ol’, yet nervous about trying something different. Or it could be that you just don’t know a lot about arousal or foreplay. Did you know there are different types of orgasms or how to achieve them? In my book, “Keep Your Legs Open: A Wives’ Guide to Sexual Satisfaction,” I share simple instructions about improving sexual intercourse with your spouse. Most women, especially those with strong religious beliefs, know very little about sex outside of intercourse. Time to explore a deeper, greater, more satisfying connection with your spouse.

While there’s no magic formula, putting these seven things into practice will go a long way toward bringing the sex and sexy back to your marriage. It’s time to get it on!

About the Author: Gail Crowder is a certified marriage and life coach plus best-selling author. She has been on dozens of television and radio shows for her expert advice on lifestyles and relationships. Her company focuses on “Bringing Sexy Back to the Marriage” (BSB) and provides a safe space dedicated to the spiritual and sexual enhancement of marriages for the modern-day wife. Visit Gail online: https://gailcrowder.com/.

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BMWK Staff wrote 1259 articles on this blog.

Content and articles from the staff and guest contributors of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com

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Here’s What it Really Means to Be Intimate in Marriage

BY: - 8 Jun '18 | Intimacy

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If you’d like to know how to increase the intimacy in your relationships, let’s begin with a simple definition. Webster’s Dictionary defines the word “intimate” as follows:

1. belonging to or characterizing one’s deepest nature
2. marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity
3. marked by a warm friendship developing through long association
4. suggesting informal warmth or privacy
5. of a very personal or private nature

Interestingly enough, the one word missing from the definitions is the word we most often associate with intimacy: sex.

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So often when we talk about intimacy, we make those two words synonymous. When you hear someone say “He and I were intimate,” the words are used to describe a sexual relationship. Very rarely do you hear the words intimacy or intimate and take them to mean, “We sat very close to one another and talked, revealing extremely personal things about ourselves.” And yet, by definition, intimacy can mean just that, or it can mean a whole lot more, or a whole lot less.

When couples talk about problems with intimacy or how to improve their intimacy, they are usually referring to issues involving their sex lives and addressing it by tackling their issues in the bedroom.

Have you ever been there? You bought the lingerie, the candles, or the flowers. You did all of the things you were supposed to do to spice up your sex life with your spouse. This will most definitely give us back that intimacy that we’ve been missing, you thought. But after you did everything you were supposed to do, somehow your efforts failed. Maybe not all the “spicing it up” methods resulted in the great sex you had in mind. Or maybe even after that physical connection took place, you still felt like that emotional connection was missing. The reason? Because it is your intimacy that you should be addressing in the truest sense of the word.

Often, if your sex life is suffering it is because your marriage is suffering in at least one of the areas of intimacy. If you see a married couple who is enjoying an active sex life, chances are their contact, friendship, warmth, and familiarity extends far beyond the bedroom. By the time they get to sex, it is just a natural extension of the intimacy that they already share.

Problems with intimacy reveal themselves in the bedroom, but they stem from a too-often-forgotten area of non-sexual intimacy that needs to be present in any marriage. When we look at the true definition, everything surrounding intimacy deals with closeness to another person: closeness of contact, friendship, warmth, and familiarity.

This is intimacy and there is no human being on the planet with whom you will share the same level of intimacy than the one you vowed to spend the rest of your life with. Intimacy isn’t just important for what happens in the bedroom; achieving that level of closeness is important in every other room of the house. It’s more than just foreplay.

The warmth, the closeness, and the friendship that exists layered on top of your commitment to one another is the glue that holds your relationship together and helps support your marriage foundation. Not only does it feel good to know that you can come home to a place where you are loved, known, and appreciated, it also acts as a constant reminder of why we chose the ones we chose in the first place.

BMWK, are you being truly intimate in your marriage?

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Aja Dorsey Jackson wrote 214 articles on this blog.

Aja Dorsey Jackson is a freelance writer and marriage educator in Baltimore, Maryland and author of the blog and book, Making Love in the Microwave.

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