2 Acts of Kindness Every Marriage Needs to Last

BY: - 1 Jun '18 | Marriage

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They say that hindsight is 20/20. By and large, they are right. But there’s something to be said for learning from the mistakes of others. That sort of foresight is priceless as it can save a lot of heartache especially when it comes to relationships. As a case in point, I recently read an article in which divorced men reflected on the moment they knew it was over in their marriage. For some, the moment was years ahead of the actual parting of ways. For others, the decline was swift and certain. Ironically, they all had one thing in common. In each instance, a simple act of kindness toward their spouse could have served as a salve to heal many of the wounds that had been inflicted in their marriage. Am I for certain it would have prevented the inevitable? Of course not! But, who doesn’t love an act of kindness? They go viral on the internet all.the.time. If they can go viral on the internet, they can go viral in your relationship as well.

So, what does it mean to perform an act of kindness in your marriage? Isn’t it a given that you should be kind to your spouse? Yes, it’s a given. But if it was easy, divorce wouldn’t be a thing. You see, I am talking about the sorts of kind acts that require both strength and humility. Every marriage that hopes to last needs them. Here are just two to get you started.

The Kindness of Intentional Mercy

You know you did wrong. Your spouse knows you did wrong. As a result, they were hurt. But it is clear by your ensuing actions that whatever you did is not something you will ever do again. The Bible calls it “Godly sorrow” and it leads to a lasting change that leaves no regret.

Now, rather than drag you to the dog house and keep you there for weeks or even days, your spouse absolves you of your guilt by offering complete and irreversible mercy and grace. This act of kindness takes place within moments of your acknowledgment that you have hurt your mate. You are relieved. You are at peace. You are thankful. And, one thing is for certain. Should the roles ever be reversed, you will do the same.

Every marriage that hopes to last must involve individuals who have the humility to recognize that they can make some terrible mistakes in their marriage and may one day require the same swift and intentional kind of mercy. I know it won’t apply in every situation. But when it does, find the strength and the humility to offer it to your spouse.

The Kindness of Intentional Affirmation

I was sitting and talking with my friend recently when her husband walked into the room, walked over to her, and planted a quick but sincere kiss on her lips. As she and I continued our conversation after he left, she mentioned that she had told him he needed to step up his affection. It was clearly a need she had and by his actions at that moment, it was one he intended to fulfill. While that’s all well and good, she also talked about how important it was that she let him know how grateful she was that he listened to her needs and that he was doing a great job at meeting them.

The kindness of intentional affirmation gives life to a marriage because it helps you to prop someone up for something you think they should be doing all along. I mean, isn’t demonstrating affection towards your spouse a no-brainer in a relationship? But this is where strength and humility come into play. When you’re strong and humble enough to admit that kind of affirmation is something you would want, then it makes it that much easier to give it to your spouse.

Marriages are naturally filled with instances of mercy and affirmation. But lifelong marriages are filled with intentional mercy and intentional affirmation. It cuts both ways and no one keeps a record. It’s just a given in the relationships that want to do more than just stay afloat. So, if you intend for your marriage to last, then be intentional in your acts of kindness toward your spouse.

BMWK, are you being intentional kind to your spouse whether they deserve it or not?

About the author

Joann Fisher wrote 156 articles on this blog.

Joann Fisher has been a writer and editor for both print and online newpapers and magazines for the last 10 years. She now serves as a Writer/Editor at BMWK and lead Editor for The Joy Network.

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3 Tips on Managing Marital Stress and Building Resiliency

BY: - 7 Jun '18 | Marriage

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Life within itself can be stressful. When this happens, people need tools and help to be able to get through stressful events in their life. There are some particular things that occur in a marriage that are especially stressful for couples and I want to help you develop the tools that help to build resiliency. If you can build resiliency around some of those stressful moments in your relationship, you can have a long-lasting and healthy relationship. So here are some tips.

Laugh a Lot

You have to literally laugh a lot. You have to be able to laugh at yourself. You have to be able to laugh at each other. You’ve gotta have fun, fun, fun! One of the things that happen in relationships is that they are not fun anymore. It’s all about business, taking care of the kids, or doing this or that. When you lose that fun and humorous element in your relationship, your relationship starts to die out. So, don’t lose the fundamental thing that actually got you and your spouse together in the first place. You were having a lot of fun and you were laughing a lot. So when you hit stressful moments in your relationship, laughing is going to help you get through some of them.

See Your Marriage as a Journey

Most people see their marriage as a commitment. Well, commitments can get dry and dull. You have to reshape that and tell yourself that this is not just a commitment, this is a journey. You were single, looking for someone to be with, and hoping to find someone to bring into your destiny who would be behind you and with you and enjoy this relationship and ride with you. In building resiliency, you need to remember that this is what your marriage is all about. Your marriage is about a ride, a journey, it’s not just a commitment. God brought you two together so you can experience the best of life in everything and you now have someone to share it with. Naturally, you will have some conflict, but it’s not the end…it’s a part of the journey.

Think Positive

Think positive. Yes, I said it. I want you to think positively all the time, not just some of the time. I’ve been married 19 years and I know that people encounter challenges in their lives. They are downright dark and desperate and very hard. I want you to reframe them by taking every negative thing from your marriage and turn them around. Your friends may tell you that you’re probably lying to yourself. I want you to do that. Yes, I said it. Something happens in your brain when you encounter difficult challenges in your relationship. Your brain is trying to make sense of that story. Don’t let your brain take control, you take control.

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During my 15th year of marriage, I decided to go to New Orleans and help Katrina victims. I was doing crisis counseling and saw people desperate for their lives. I met a woman who was sitting in a rocking chair. Her house was flooded, she lost family members, and she didn’t know where some were. As bad as that situation was, she was laughing and making jokes. It dawned on me that she was taking every negative aspect of what happened in that storm and she was making it positive. The counselor in me wanted me to make her face her reality. But you have to control the stress. You can’t let it control you.

The bottom line is, when building resiliency in your marriage, you have to own the story.

About the AuthorLeroy Scott, a Licensed Professional Christian Counselor, who is also known as the REALationship Coach. Leroy tackles the tough questions regarding love that affect your most sacred relationship.                                    Website: www.leroyscott.com Email: info@leroyscott.com

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