Every single one of life’s trials has its lessons, and it’s up to each one of us to actively learn what life has to teach us… less we repeat the same unnecessary trials. After almost 9 years and through one separation, here are 3 valuable lessons my marriage has taught me.
You have tied your life to someone else’s decisions
We’re all taught that we are all responsible for the consequences of our own decisions, and this truth remains universal even in the context of marriage. What changes is that you are now largely responsible for the consequences of someone else’s decisions for the rest of your life. From how a person chooses to handle stress, money, sex, family relationships, parenthood and even entertainment selection, your life is now pushed or pulled in direct relation to another persons day to day actions.
Whether or not your spouse chooses to react to work related stress with solution-based cunning or hot headed reactions, either way it’s going to affect your life. The way your spouse chooses to treat money will directly impact at what age you get to retire together. Even the past decisions and debts they have accumulated will now become synonymous with your name, household and credit. In short, you should be able to trust your partner’s judgement, because every single decision they make affects the both of you. And please don’t ever forget that this is a huge two way street.
Every married couple needs goals to keep them focused
The monotony of marriage can drag for many. Many people have been led to believe that marriage is the answer to all of their life’s problems. “If I just had a man/woman to do (or be) X, everything else would be so much better.” But alas, it’s just not like that. On the contrary, marriage will many times magnify the lingering issues in your life as you now have to truly acknowledge these issues so you can properly share the load with someone else.
The weight of day to day burdens and routines can be too much bare for many couples. This is when the two of you can look to your goals for being together. Something that can consistently keep the relationship focused helps each person know exactly why they put up with the tougher days, months, and years. Without these focused reminders, it’s easy to highlight your own personal agenda to justify actions which are not necessarily in your overall marriage’s best interests. Goals can vary from financial, sexual, entrepreneurial, to even ones based on peace, calm, and personal growth. The most important thing is that they are mutually agreed upon.
Marriage is an ebb and flow between revelation, acceptance, and embracement
We consistently hear that trust and communication are the two key cornerstones to any successful marriage and this is true. We need to trust someone in order to reveal our true selves with all of our hurt and imperfections. Our hope is that through adequate communication, we’re able to get our spouses to truly understand our point of view and/or where we truly come from.
The acceptance, rather than rejection, of a person with all of their flaws is the safe haven we all strive to provide for our spouses, but many times, this is easier said than done. Through hard work and time, our goal should be not only an acceptance of a person as a person, but a true embracing of this perfectly flawed person to the rest of the world. You can recognize the embracement when the celebration of a spouse is not in spite their shortcomings, but many times comes directly because of them.
BMWK – what lessons have you learned about marriage?