You may call it “being passive” or even “not taking initiative.” But in his mind, he thinks it’s a direct result of you never being satisfied!
Okay, ladies now before you get defensive and/or upset about that statement just step back and think about it.
Think about how it all started when you were dating. Your man was assertive and very alpha male-ish (yeah, I just made that word up). He made plans, took you out on dates, expressed how much he liked you and did any everything he could to try and impress you. And you loved it!
You loved it because it was masculine, and it made you feel secure. Well, somewhere along the way you switched up the game. You started being more like his mom than his woman; and you became more temperamental than sweet.
Now, I don’t know what got you to that point, but the truth is: sometimes what got you there isn’t him, it’s YOU!
What I do know though is that as tough as we act as men, your opinion and the way you react to us as women has the power to shift our behaviors tremendously. Here are a few things that can make men fall back in areas they used to step up:
1) He opens up to you, and you throw it back in his face
Ladies, one thing about men is that we aren’t raised to open up and express our feelings or desires nearly as much as you are.
But when we decide to be vulnerable enough to express to you how we feel about something, be careful not to dismiss those feelings. Nor should you ever throw that information back in our faces. If you do, you can bet it’s going to be hard to get us to do it again.
Please remember that you can’t only ask us to express our feelings when it’s beneficial for you or when it’s something you want to hear.
2) Every time he offers up something, you shoot it down
You are always asking him to plan something, take you out, be more fun or more spontaneous. But every time he offers up an idea, you find a reason to shoot it down.
He says let’s go here, you say well how about there. He says he wants to see you in this outfit and you explain to him the 100 reasons it won’t look right on you. He decides he’s going to pick up some extra shifts at work, so that he can provide more of the things you like, but you say you don’t want him to because he won’t ever be home. He begins to feel like nothing is ever good enough for you.
3) Every time he takes initiative, you criticize
He heard you when you said you wanted him to show some initiative in different areas of the relationship, so he got to work. He started doing more things for you, started doing things without you having to ask and he started being more assertive. Well why is it that every time he takes that initiative, you find a way to criticize what he has done?
Instead of ‘thank you’ all he hears is why it’s not good enough or why the way she does it is better. Ladies, please, please understand one thing: just because he does things differently, it doesn’t mean they are wrong.
Ladies, I am not saying that you have to treat grown men like children and always stroke our egos, but I am saying that you can’t forget that we have feelings just like you do. I am saying that you get more bees with honey, and I am saying no man wants to be treated like your child or subordinate. We want to please you and take care of you and make you happy, but if that feat seems impossible, what you will end up with is a very passive man and an unhappy woman.
Ladies, your approval, appreciation, support and RESPECT mean the world to us. And all we ask is that you’re conscious of that and let us know that we make you happy. Some will read this with a closed mind and heart and get defensive, but if you find a way to receive it, it might just change your relationship for the better.
BMWK, have you noticed a shift in your husband’s behavior? Do you think you could have contributed to that change?