Well, it’s time we bid farewell to 2014. As it makes its exit, there are also a few things we’d like to send along with it. In many of our relationships, there were some ideas and behaviors that did not serve us well this past year. As we enter into another new beginning, we have to be willing to make a few necessary alterations. Here are three behaviors that aren’t invited into our 2015.
Accepting an average/mediocre marriage is a behavior far too many couples display. It has become an unfortunate expectation in our marriages today. So we just deal with it. Please know, that doesn’t have to be your reality. Knowing it isn’t working and being accepting of that is not okay. Think about what didn’t work in your marriage this past year. Were there more disagreements? Did you not spend enough quality time together? Was your sex life lacking frequency, energy and creativity?
Recognize where you struggled as a couple. More importantly, think about how it felt. Usually, when we suffer or certain situations hurt or cost us bad enough, we are not likely to repeat that behavior. Consider what you lost with that struggle and promptly steer clear of repeating those actions. Also, don’t be afraid or embarrassed to seek coaching, counseling or other resources for your marriage.
In order to create a marriage that adds to your life and honors your commitment, it’s important to get very specific about your relationship goals.
Not being excited or interested in your marriage is a big no no. Take it back a little bit and think about your engagement and wedding day. What were you most excited about with regard to being married? Was it catering to someone, being loved, or simply the idea of sharing your life with someone? For 2015, find new things to be excited about in your relationship.
For me, I’m excited that my husband and I will be embarking on a new journey and I’m anxious to see the teamwork that will be involved in sending our first born off to college. It’s scary, but I’m looking forward to sharing this new phase together. I’m also looking forward to being creative with our date nights again. Our oldest daughter leaving means we’re back to looking for babysitters for our youngest. Which means date nights will have to be better thought out and planned. I’m up for the challenge.
Not honoring your commitment is another behavior that occurs too frequently in marriage. Make a commitment to be better, more attentive, less selfish and more understanding. Be honest about where you fell short as a spouse. This is the only way we can truly begin to grow. Only seeing the shortcomings of others is a weakness that will continue to stunt your growth as an individual. Own your flaws.
Your spouse isn’t perfect and neither are you. If it’s anger, research classes in your area to help you manage it. If it’s low sex drive, seek resources, or a physician who can help you understand and navigate through it. Don’t ever get comfortable with not being a great spouse.
In order to create a marriage that adds to your life and honors your commitment, it’s important to get very specific about your relationship goals. To create specific marriage goals for 2015, be clear on what you both desire. Your 2015 Marriage will be a result of the energy, enthusiasm and effort you and your spouse deposit into it.
BMWK, what relationships behaviors are you leaving in 2014?