As children, if you were like me, you also paid attention to the grown-up relationships around you. I was always curious about love, so when grown folks would talk, especially about relationships, I was all ears.
For the most part, a great majority of us were taught how to show up in a marriage by observing the behaviors of our parents. They were our first real teachers of love. We more than likely saw how to disagree. Or we learned how to get what we want. And maybe we even learned how to cater to a spouse. Whether the lessons were intentional or not, they were there.
I learned a lot about love, marriage and relationships simply by observing others. Now I will be honest and say not all of what I witnessed benefited my relationship, but there were still some amazing lessons to take into my journey toward womanhood and becoming a wife.
My parents were high-school sweethearts, and although they never married, their relationship still sent me messages about love and marriage. Here’s what I learned from my parents’ relationship:
Lesson 1: Relationships are complicated.
My parents taught me mistakes will be made and forgiveness is necessary. They reminded me that we are all human and if we could go back and change things, we would. However, we can’t and we must take ownership and ask for forgiveness. I have to own when I make mistakes or hurt my husband, whether I meant to or not. He deserves my very best. A large part of my best is recognizing my weaknesses and doing better.
Lesson 2: Friendship is important in a relationship.
I love the fact that my parents always seemed to get along, like friends. I am sure that was more for my sake than anything. But I’m blessed that I’ve never witnessed the heartbreak and anger they must have experienced when their relationship ended. I was too young to remember any of it. But it caused me to recognize that me and my husband’s friendship is necessary for our marriage. I can only imagine how much we would have struggled if we weren’t friends.
Lesson 3: Life is for living and learning.
When you know better, you do better. Both of my parents have remarried, and I can tell they’ve learned from the failed relationship of the past. They don’t seem to be making those same mistakes. I also know I can’t repeat the same errors in my marriage. I have to learn from them, recognize the impact it had on my relationship and do better.
Even when I wonder how different my life would’ve been had my parents married, I’m grateful for the experience and all the takeaways that helped to shape my 17-year marriage.
BMWK, what has your parents relationship taught you about marriage?