Time and time again I hear women raise the issue of a lack of romance in their relationship. They wish their man had it in him, or was at least willing to learn. Unfortunately a lot of men seem to be clueless as to how to speak to the hearts of their woman, and know how to truly make her feel special. So why do so many men struggle with being romantic? I believe it’s because many do not understand the foundation of the act. So here I will lay out what I feel are 3 rules for men to be mindful of when they want to give their partner the romance she desires.
1. What works for one does not work for all.
Flowers and gifts are not the answer for every woman. Yes they are nice gestures, but you need to take some time to learn her love language and begin to understand what she values. I know of a story where a man would buy his woman flowers every week. When she was asked about it she said “I don’t even like flowers”. If you don’t take time to get in tune with your woman then your genuine attempts to be romantic will fall flat.
Side Note: don’t think that asking direct questions with every woman will always get you direct answers. Sometimes you have to be clever, discreet, or simply pay attention to effectively gather information on her desires. Some women just don’t want to have to tell you what you need to know. She wants you to put forth some EFFORT and figure it out on your own. This leads to the next rule.
2. It’s more about the effort than it is about the product.
Let’s stick with roses here. Whether she does or doesn’t like flowers, there is an underlying factor that will make a huge difference. It’s one thing for a man to give his woman a rose that he stole from his momma’s house vs. the man who looked for a specific flower and had to jump through all kinds of hoops to get it. She may not care for the rose, but if she loves you, she will cherish the effort you put into getting it. That’s why a man can choose to make a card instead of buying it and that woman will feel so special, because she sees the effort you were willing to put into creating that card for her. If you show that you are genuine, and that you are willing to put forth effort, you can make the smallest things seem like the biggest. Show her how much you care and how much she means to you. Put in some effort to produce something special for her. Genuine + Effort = Something Special.
3. It’s all about her.
You can’t be romantic while being selfish. Attempting to romance her has to be about what her needs are and what she likes. If you don’t like to do something that she does, consider sacrificing your dislike which would actually show more romance. Here is an example: let’s say your woman likes going to the ballet, but you absolutely hate it. You have determined you want to do something romantic so you tell her in advance you have something special planned. You get home and tell her to get dressed because you are taking her to the ballet (for bonus points, you come home with an outfit a friend or family member has confirmed she really wants and loves). She may say to you “but I thought you hated the ballet” and you respond “I do hate the ballet, but I love you even more, and tonight I want to put a smile on your face. So go now and get ready”. Maaaannnnnnn you may not even make it out of the house! She may just jump your bones right there and call it a night. The simple fact that you were willing to do something you don’t care for, because you want to make her happy, would be considered by most to be very romantic. It can go a long way towards making her feel very special.
Side Note: you may not like it, but take joy in making her happy which will help you get through something like the ballet, undesired social gatherings, watching the lifetime channel with her or whatever other nonsense she takes joy from lol 🙂
I will never say that something applies to all, but I do believe that most women will agree with these rules. It all boils down to knowing your woman, putting in effort, and being willing to be selfless. Apply these principles and I am certain you will improve your relationship and be viewed as the romantic man she desires. Now you know better, so do better.