If your woman is transitioning back to her natural hair, then let me give up the ghost a bit and tell you that, YOU TOO are in Transition.
Men have you figured it out yet? If your lady just came in and said the magical words, “I’m going natural”, then you need to know she not only just signed herself up to transition, but you as well. So what does this mean for you?
A few adjustments, a lot of understanding, and a crash course in what not to do. The adjustments won’t really be your problem; I’ve found that men adjust to things quicker, especially when they are given a heads up. The understanding piece won’t be too difficult either, because men have a tendency to see in black and white. You say drink more water and a man will start sipping, as long at they have an understanding of why they are doing it. The last piece of this puzzle, what not to do will always be a man’s downfall. That’s because of the ambiguity and uncertainty of the rule playbook when your lady decides she’s going natural. I want to help you with 3 simple, yet effective “don’t” actions during this special time.
Avoid being judgmental of her process
The last thing your woman wants to see is your disapproving eye staring down on her when she leaves the bathroom from her first attempt at a twist out. Ok I’ll give up the ghost, she may look crazy, but you still have to find a way to be honest and sensitive at the same time. So remember that couch is a lonely place when thinking of your response. In the words of my brother Panama Jackson of VerySmartBrothas.com, he would ask, “How do you feel about your decision”? This takes away your judgment and opens up dialogue. You know we love to talk, especially when you’ve opened up the floor to just listen. Now that’s a very smart brotha response. Adopt this when talking about your ladies Natural hair and you’ll never go wrong.
Avoid making reference to her old look
Don’t give her any reason to believe the new look isn’t acceptable to you.
I won’t spend too much time on this one. Just know your woman is changing and she won’t take too kind to the constant reminder of her old look being more pleasing to you. Even if that’s how you really feel, let it go unsaid and inject support of her new look. Let her come to any conclusion about the changes she makes to her hair all by herself. I mean she already has, which is why she’s transitioning. During this time ask her exactly why she’s decided to return back to her natural hair. You will find more reason in asking her than telling her what you want.
Avoid showing her the type of natural hair YOU like
You don’t know her hair texture any more than she will. She will always remember Bae likes this type of hair so refrain from being captain obvious about what type of natural hair gets your attention.
This list isn’t all-inclusive. There are some offenses happening in the name of love and fro’s that I just don’t know about, so please dish about some of the things you’ve heard from your significant other during your transition.
BMWK, What did your man say during your transition that didn’t truly help your process?
Butterflies UP!!
*Photography Credit: Andrew T. Clifton