Being in a relationship or marriage doesn’t have to be the death to fun!! Being in a relationship is a choice, but with that choice comes change and responsibility.
One of the things couples struggle with the most is accepting the fact that you can’t be in a relationship with a single person’s mindset. Many struggle with fighting for their independence in an interdependent relationship. The problem many face is that it can’t be all about YOU and about all about US at the same time. So in other words, some things may have to change.
Before you start to hoop and holler, just know that change isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Here are a few things that may have to change once entering into a new relationship or marriage.
Who you associate with
When you’re single, you deal with who you want and however you want. But when in a relationship, you have to think about your mate and how that person would feel based on who you are with.
Yes, so that ex, who you now call a ‘bestie,’ might have to understand that your friendship dynamic may have to shift a little. You also have to consider the place in which your friends are in their lives.
So all of your single friends, who are still on the party scene mingling and flirting with every person in sight, may have to understand why you aren’t the life of that party anymore. It may sound unfair but think about how you would feel if your mate were in the same scenarios. This isn’t to say you have to cut off all your friends, but it is to say you may have to create some new boundaries.
Where and how you tend to socialize
You don’t have to be stuck in the house or be anti-social just because you’re in a relationship. But you do have to be respectful.
Maybe you don’t need to be a frequent patron at the strip clubs like you used to be. Maybe those late night house parties, where people stay late and fall asleep until the next morning, shouldn’t be your scene anymore. Maybe your social hours need to be more like happy hours—rather than like shutting-the-club-down hours. It’s just all about respect, so stumbling in at 5 a.m. might not be cool with your mate.
What your priorities are
A relationship doesn’t have to be anti-fun, but, yes, your priorities may have to change. Maybe now instead of your friends being the priority, your mate and kids have to be the priority. In other words, home has to be taken care of first before the streets.
There will need to be more dates with your mate than with your BFF. You may have to turn down some things and sacrifice some time, but it’s all about finding balance.
What you communicate and how you communicate
Maybe you are so used to being single that you are used to keeping things to yourself or just talking to your friends about everything.
Well, when you’re in a relationship, everyone can’t know what’s going on except your mate. You have to communicate early and often because as you keep things or issues inside, they build up to a big eruption.
Oh and by the way, maybe raising your voice and yelling works for your friends, but in a relationship, it’s conversations that work, not confrontations.
Hopefully by now you get my point, which is that pro-relationship doesn’t have to be anti-fun, but it does mean you have to change the way you think and behave. When in doubt just put yourself in your mate’s shoes because it’s never just a one-way street!
BMWK Fam, what are some other things that have to change when you enter a relationship?