By Dr. George James, LMFT
It’s a new year, with new aspirations and goals. At the beginning of the year, many people are filled with hope and ambition to reach their goals. Be it to lose weight, get a new job, stop smoking or take your business and passion to the next level. Just when you thought you had time to get in a rhythm to achieve your goals, you look at the calendar and it’s already March.
Most people start out strong by pursuing their new goal daily. This could last for a week or even a few weeks. Before you know it, instead of working at it every day, it’s now every other day, then it’s once a week and then back to the old routine. This is when disappointment, guilt and shame set in. In your mind, you start to think about how this happens to you every year. You have good intentions and strong desires, but somehow you are unable to execute.
The difficulties and obstacles from the past can feel larger than the goals you want to achieve in the new year.
It is not uncommon to feel overwhelmed by the same problems, obstacles and struggles from last year. How do you overcome these issues to achieve your new goals? You are not alone in trying to solve this equation. The difficulties and obstacles from the past can feel larger than the goals you want to achieve in the new year. The new year is supposed to give a new and fresh start, and it can.
But what do you do when you don’t know where to start or how to overcome the problems and issues from the previous year? Should you get help or continue to figure it out on your own? Here are four essential tips to help you overcome the past and accomplish your life goals:
Know your Triggers
We all have triggers. Triggers are the people, places and things that can get us off track. Our triggers might upset us, hurt us, embarrass us, make us feel hopeless or guilty.
After experiencing these feelings, it can be easy to decide to stop working toward our goal and to even give up. Maybe it’s something someone says like, “I thought you said you were going to write a book.” This makes you feel incompetent, hopeless or frustrated. And instead of going back to your manuscript you’ve been working on, you end up focusing on something else. You were triggered and derailed from your goal.
Having smaller bite-size goals helps you to build momentum for accomplishing larger goals.
Reasonable Goal
I remember my mother saying to me after filling my plate up with food, “My eyes are bigger than my stomach.” Meaning that my plate had more food than I could actually eat. Sometimes when we come up with our goals for the year our “eyes are bigger than our stomachs.” We say, “I’m going to lose 50 pounds in a month, instead of two pounds a week for 10 weeks.”
It’s important to have small measurable attainable goals that can build upon the larger goal. Don’t solely envisioning the large goal without the necessary steps it will take to achieve the goal. Having smaller bite-size goals helps you to build momentum for accomplishing larger goals. For example, reading a page a day can help you complete the book.
Accountability Partner
Who do you have in your corner? Identifying someone who can support you is essential. Most people need a mentor, cheerleader, advocate or someone to hold them accountable to their goals. Seek out people who have achieved success in areas that can best support you.
You might need to invest in someone to help you in this area; maybe a coach, trainer or a therapist. It can be difficult, maybe even impossible, to achieve your life goals without having someone in your corner.
Celebrating your small victories will get you closer to your goal by sustaining your belief in your ability to achieve your goal.
Celebrate Small Victories
With the goal in sight, it can be easy to get fixed on barriers, challenges and perceived shortcomings. However, it’s important to celebrate your small victories. Celebrating your small victories will get you closer to your goal by sustaining your belief in your ability to achieve your goal.
Instead of focusing on what you didn’t accomplish, celebrate the steps you did make toward your goal. This can help you maintain your momentum and even give you the energy to reach your goals.
BMWK, what are your 2016 goals and what steps have you made toward them?
Dr. George James, LMFT speaks, counsels, consults, coaches and teaches people how to overcome difficult relationships problems and build successful happy connections. James has been a reoccurring expert on many radio, TV and online programs. He is also a reoccurring relationship contributor to Ebony magazine. James is a staff therapist and an AAMFT-approved supervisor at Council For Relationships. Find out more about Dr. George James at GeorgeTalks.com, Fb.com/DrGeorgeJamesJr or on Twitter@GeorgeTalksLLC
Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.